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Original poster

Do you ever give your YOUNG child (age 5/6) a 'mental health day' off school if they're just knackered, overwhelmed and a bit run-down?

194 replies

JessiCake · 22/01/2019 21:03

I'm torn whether to send DD (Yr 1) in tomorrow.

Health-wise, she has a runny nose (but that's all) and she's very, very tired. The cold weather really takes it out of her, school lunches have been crap for the last few days (and she's scrawny so a couple of tiny meals means she loses energy quickly), and she's had a random couple of bad nights' sleep.

Because of all this (and because she's a very sensitive little soul who's easily over-wrought) she's feeling, well, overwrought Grin

She was a little better after a good hot meal, a bath etc this evening, and I got her to bed extra early.

But if she's still peaky, tired, and overwrought in the morning, would you send her in or would you let her have the day off?

I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, I'm freelance and for once I have no pressing work deadlines.

Is it silly to let such a little child have what my friend with teenagers calls 'a mental health day' (basically a duvet day)?

I would never tell DD this is what I was doing for her, btw. I would just say as she's obviously feeling peaky and run-down, she's staying home.

Does anyone else do this? Am I being a massive softie/snowflake/insert abusive name here?

fwiw she's doing more than fine at school so a day off isn't going to affect her progress academically.

OP posts:
sittingonthetallseat · 23/01/2019 18:25

I give my son the occasionally day off just so we can spend time together.

The only 'our time' I had with my Mum was when she took me out of school for the day to go to the dentist. We had a bus ride, dentist, shopping and a cream cake. Those memories of that time are worth a lot to me.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 18:32

I've heard of similar cases too is hardly evidence of schools doing nothing to support vulnerable children.

You have an agenda and you want to fit your stories to that agenda. It sounds like you think if you don’t personally know what is going on for these children, you’ve decided nothing is happening.

KatherinaMinola · 23/01/2019 18:37

Not a school but something similar, rainbow. I do know how to use an ellipsis though

I tend to agree that attendance can make a grade's difference at GCSE. In infants, not so much.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General education
Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 18:41

FamilyOfAliens

I mean I've heard of similar cases and know more details of the cases, the one I mentioned, my friend was heavily involved with the child, but I'm not likely to put full details on here. I don't know what you mean by saying I have an agenda. I just think schools should concentrate on children that really need help. These are often not parents who engage with schools but who's child's attendance is 94% for example. It's good that things are different in your school but it's not always the case.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 18:48

It's good that things are different in your school but it's not always the case.

It’s not just my school though, nor the other three I’ve worked in during ten years of being a family support worker.

Schools are required by law to intervene where there are welfare or safeguarding concerns. We can now be personally prosecuted if we don’t act. Maybe your school has managed to get away with shoddy safeguarding, but they are the exception, not the rule.

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 18:57

Schools are required by law to intervene where there are welfare or safeguarding concerns. We can now be personally prosecuted if we don’t act. Maybe your school has managed to get away with shoddy safeguarding, but they are the exception, not the rule.

I just know that nothing seems to have changed for some of these poor children and in the case I mentioned things have got worse at secondary. Maybe the school informs the relevant agency on some occasions and sees it as job done. Then they continue to chase parents for poor attendance whilst nothing is actually improving in the cases of the children who are genuinely neglected.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 23/01/2019 19:01

I think you know your own kids. I have two fairly robust ones, one with dodgy general health and one with dodgy mental health.

When they were little I would definitely have let them off if they were worn out. I can't really recall it happening though.

In high school, i left it to my kids to decide if they wanted to go in or not. They pretty much always wanted to go. Occasionally, I suspect they were faking a bit, but I figured if they were that desperate for a day off then they could have one. My kids played it pretty straight and we certainly didn't get any letters about attendance; everyone got decent exam results and the older, working ones seem to have a good work ethic.

In fact DD and I were chatting about this the other day and she was laughing recalling how slack I was when I was pretty strict about most things. Sometimes though, you really need a recharge.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 19:06

Maybe the school informs the relevant agency on some occasions and sees it as job done.

Sometimes it is “job done” though.

LAs have thresholds for intervention and there is really no point referring to children’s services if you know your concern doesn’t meet those thresholds (you can ask for advice if you’re unsure, of course).

Once I’ve referred a child, if a subsequent assessment finds that they do meet threshold, the work is done by children’s services, not by us. We may be given responsibility for some actions in an action plan, but the buck rests with the social workers and their managers. We are part of a team around a child or family, but no more than, say a health visitor or school nurse.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 19:09

Perfectly I think you have to accept that (a) you won’t know everything that goes on for a vulnerable child; and (b) attendance is important for all children. That doesn’t change because another child may be neglected.

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 19:25

FamilyOfAliens

I do know of the details in this case. I've also seen my relative in tears because she feels her school isn't acting on information or isn't happy with the outcome when they have. I have also been that child and didn't receive help.

Children should attend school when well. I may interpret what being unwell is differently compared to another person but I make the decisions I feel are appropriate for my child. My kids are happy and doing very well at school.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 19:28

I do know of the details in this case.

So you’re the safeguarding lead in the child’s school?

Auntiepatricia · 23/01/2019 19:36

I wouldn’t, unless my child was suffering from mental illness. I know they are little but the are typically resilient and as able as anyone to get on with things. What I would do is let them sleep in as much as possible, cancel after school activities and do something nice for them after school teaching them that there are things in life you have to just suck it up and do but that doesn’t mean you can’t treat yourself nicely after and have a bit of a chill out and self care plan to balance the hard day.

I wouldn’t have been let away with not going to school unless properly sick and I learned that you have to get on with it. I think that’s more important in terms of resilience rather than just opting out of important and compulsory things just because you’re needing to be a but nice to yourself.

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 19:38

So you’re the safeguarding lead in the child’s school

Ive already explained how I know. My friend was very involved with this child as they were best friends with her child. The details were horrific and my friend was very distressed.

StitchingMoss · 23/01/2019 19:41

I’m absolutely stunned at the number of parents who think this kind of mollycoddling is okay Shock.

No wonder I spend the day fending off a large minority of children who come and moan about every little sniffle in the vain hope I’ll send them home Hmm.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 19:44

Ive already explained how I know. My friend was very involved with this child as they were best friends with her child. The details were horrific and my friend was very distressed.

She shared confidential information about this child and their family with you? What on earth was she thinking of? I’m horrified.

Shadow1986 · 23/01/2019 19:51

No I wouldn’t do this because I wouldn’t want them to get into the habit of ‘I’m not feeling 100% can I have a day off’ - they only have days off if they are genuinely unwell. We do however skip after school clubs and I let them have evenings chilling instead.
But to be honest i hated going to school and I knew staying home some days was an option as my mum was quite easy going, so I’d hate going to school even more knowing I could have stayed home. I’d rather they didn’t get into this habit like I did.

Biologifemini · 23/01/2019 19:56

No
If they are tired I’d put them to bed early and feed them some particularly healthy food and an iron tablet.
Maybe no after school club for a day or two. Kids don’t usually feel tired unless there is something else wrong like poor diet or lack of sleep, both of which can be easily remedied.

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 20:03

She shared confidential information about this child and their family with you? What on earth was she thinking of? I’m horrified.

Why on earth are you horrified? My friend asked for my advice on what she should do.

2isabella2 · 23/01/2019 20:25

I wouldn't, no, but was tempted before Christmas. She hasn't had a day sick yet and I don't want her to think she can unless she really is too unwell. I did cancel a lot of other activities though at the end of term.

shadypines · 23/01/2019 20:32

At this age of course, a day off to recharge batteries might do her the world of good.

Fast forward to the adult world I am so sick of seeing people drag themselves into work full of a cold bordering on flu. A cold should be renamed as they can make you feel bloody awful, it's a virus after all.

rainbowstardrops · 23/01/2019 21:14

KatherinaMinola ooh go you Wink
Like I said, I doubt you work in a school.
Maybe you'd like to have tried to spend time today trying to teach one of our 'lowers' the follow on lesson from the foundation sessions he missed last week?
So yes, it does impact a young child too when they miss school.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 21:35

Why on earth are you horrified? My friend asked for my advice on what she should do.

Telling you “horrific” details about a child and their family isn’t asking advice. Anyone with an ounce of common sense would have shared that information with the school or social services, not their friend.

KatherinaMinola · 23/01/2019 21:40

I've just said I don't work in a school. But it's not difficult to catch up on missed work at that stage. As I say, Y11 is a different matter.

rainbowstardrops · 23/01/2019 21:47

Oh how ignorance is bliss!
I think you'd find the child that I mentioned, did indeed find it difficult to catch up because he didn't have a clue what was being taught!
But hey, he's only young and in infant school so it doesn't matter Hmm

KatherinaMinola · 23/01/2019 21:53

But he'll catch up. As will the OP's DD. KS1 contains a lot of repetition. And then most of it's repeated in KS2 too. And none of it is rocket science.