Do you ever give your YOUNG child (age 5/6) a 'mental health day' off school if they're just knackered, overwhelmed and a bit run-down?

[JessiCake]

I'm torn whether to send DD (Yr 1) in tomorrow.

Health-wise, she has a runny nose (but that's all) and she's very, very tired. The cold weather really takes it out of her, school lunches have been crap for the last few days (and she's scrawny so a couple of tiny meals means she loses energy quickly), and she's had a random couple of bad nights' sleep.

Because of all this (and because she's a very sensitive little soul who's easily over-wrought) she's feeling, well, overwrought

She was a little better after a good hot meal, a bath etc this evening, and I got her to bed extra early.

But if she's still peaky, tired, and overwrought in the morning, would you send her in or would you let her have the day off?

I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, I'm freelance and for once I have no pressing work deadlines.

Is it silly to let such a little child have what my friend with teenagers calls 'a mental health day' (basically a duvet day)?

I would never tell DD this is what I was doing for her, btw. I would just say as she's obviously feeling peaky and run-down, she's staying home.

Does anyone else do this? Am I being a massive softie/snowflake/insert abusive name here?

fwiw she's doing more than fine at school so a day off isn't going to affect her progress academically.

it happens in this house, and it's bloody lovely. We all benefit.

I just wish they would focus more on the children that actually needed help rather than chasing responsible parents who are perfectly capable of deciding whether their children are well enough for school.

Problem is, every parent thinks they're responsible and perfectly capable of deciding when their child goes to school. Even those that do have problem attendance. I've sat across a desk from a woman whose child was on 82% attendance (basically a four day week) where the absences were generally coughs, colds and tiredness, and they don't see that there is a problem. I've seen it from parents whose kids were under 70%. Not saying all parents are like it, by any stretch, but IME no parent thinks they're keeping their child off school unnecessarily and sometimes a third party is required to help them come to that realisation.

Obviously the above is not about the OP, nor does it relate to those above 98% attendance or those who kids genuinely are ill, d and v, chickenpox etc.

Without a doubt I would do it op.

How is it lying to say they aren't well if they are under the weather and tired.

This is the post I was responding to:

You don't have to say it's for downtime. You just say they are ill, no need to explain further.

That would be a lie. The child is not ill. They are tired and run down. If you want a good relationship with the school be honest with them and don’t ask your child to lie.

perfectly

Your school sounds like an exception. We invite parents into school. Our EWO will offer a home visit if the parent cancels more than twice. I think that’s entirely reasonable.

DD1 is 5 and in reception. I haven’t done this as there has been no need (she did ask for a day at home today to ‘cuddle’ but I said no!), but if she was really exhausted and under the weather I would definitely consider it.

If kids are tired surely an early night is the answer though and if they are weak because they can’t eat the school meals send your own lunch. A day off school isn’t going to help either of those things.
Great if some on here have kids who can stay off when they don’t fancy school but still choose to attend regularly. It’s not the case with the children I know.

An early night does not work for some children, they just have longer to lie there awake and worrying that they can't sleep!

I’m sure lying on the sofa with a duvet all day isn’t going to do much to help them sleep either.

Yes I've done this. & still do now their older.

I was actually really naughty when they 1st started school. There were days when if they were at school & with my work over weekends. We hardly saw each other. I just missed them so much, so I kept them off a day to just hang out. I don't do that now (mainly because I now have turdy teens, & too cool for me pre teens)

It all depends, I guess. DD when she was five got up and started getting dressed one morning, looking pale and upset. She said "I'm just so tired...." and started crying. I put her back to bed and she slept for four hours. Whatever anyone says, she must have needed that sleep.

If you teach kids that a runny nose and a bad nights sleep is reason to stay off school it’s unlikely they’ll have good attendance.

I have & would. It doesn’t set any kind of precedent that’s gowing to ruin their education 🙄

She’s little, she’s either coming down with something or exhausted. Going to school is pretty pointless.

you are describing a child who is possibly too ill to be at school.

of couse an ill child should stay at home.

Because they have a runny nose and yesterday’s lunch wasn’t nice?
It’s about teaching the correct attitude imo. I wonder if the parents who keep their children off for trivial reasons are the same as those who can’t possibly go into work themselves because they have a bit of a headache or something.

That would be a lie. The child is not ill. They are tired and run down. If you want a good relationship with the school be honest with them and don’t ask your child to lie.

Again, I don't ask my children to lie. A child is unwell if they are under the weather, tired or run down so it's not lying to say they are ill. They are not well so they are ill. I wouldn't call it downtime. When my children are like this, they spend a day in bed, dozing in and out of sleep. They wouldn't learn much at school feeling like this.

ReaganSomerset

If a child is ill, they are ill. Their attendance figure is what it is. My children attend school when they are well, when they are ill, they don't. I decide whether my daughter is well enough as she is 9, my son is 15 and is very sensible so can decide for himself. He has had one day off since September, so me letting him have time of when he was younger when he was run down, tired etc hasn't affected his attitude to attending school. Nor has it affected grades, like the schools try to say it does. I really don't need a 'third party' parenting my parenting ! Children with issues at home that may need intervention may have bad attendance but they also often have bad behaviour, don't engage when at school, don't complete homework, seem hungry as they may not have been given breakfast etc. Schools should focus on these children. There are children who I feel are neglected at home, have high attendance because 'I don't want the little fucker under my feet all day' (as one mum told me) but the school don't offer 'help' because their attendance is fine. I am very much invested in my children's education, they are both very academic but their health is also very important.

In year 1 and they're a bit tired? What's the harm in having a day off. Done it quite a few times here. Otoh I know kids in yr 11 who do the same and that is not a good idea.

But you would be VERY unreasonable to call it a "mental health day" . FGS. What sort of generation is up and coming when feeling a bit below par or can't be arsed is labelled as mental health . Streuth.

I would do this and I’m someone who’s fairly strict about education and learning.
I don’t take days off work because I fancy it and my now secondary school age dc don’t take days off for the hell of it.
If they need some time out, they’ll be better off for it in the longer term.

Again, I don't ask my children to lie. A child is unwell if they are under the weather, tired or run down so it's not lying to say they are ill. They are not well so they are ill.

Of course you can twist the definition of illness to suit your circumstances if you wish. However your child may end up not knowing the difference between feeling tired and being ill.

We have children in the specialist centre on our school with life-limiting conditions so maybe I’m less inclined than you to describe a tired child as being ill.

Thanks to all who posted!

Just an update, DD woke this morning with an absolutely streaming cold and a (mild) fever, so obviously I kept her off anyway!

Just for clarity, I'm only calling it a 'mental health day' to myself, not to DD, and it's tongue-in-cheek to a degree. I obviously (!!) don't think my nearly 6 year old has 'mental health problems' just because she's tired, overwhelmed and run down. I just use the term as interchangeable with 'duvet day' and to make it clear it wasn't (neccessarily) entirely related to physical health (although as it happens it has turned out to be that).

Again, for clarity, i wouldn't let my child have a day off 'just' because she was tired and had eaten a couple of rubbish lunches. That happens quite a lot (especially when you have a child with no stamina like I do!!) If I let her take the day off every time that happened, she'd be off 2 days of the week :)

It's a private school so they don't get too stressed about 'attendance' but fwiw it's the first day off she's had since the start of the school year in Sept.

For the poster who was assuming this was part of a pattern of poor attendance and parents who didn't take education seriously: both DH and I are Oxbridge-educated (for whatever that's worth), him to PhD level and me to Masters. He now works from 8am to 6pm five days a week and often at weekends too. I work full-time freelance which means I am often working into the evenings to fit around other people's demands. I don't think either of us has any problem with working hard and we certainly take education incredibly seriously!

Huge thanks to everyone who's posted. Very much appreciated. Off to read to DD now as she's been snoozing.

Of course you can twist the definition of illness to suit your circumstances if you wish. However your child may end up not knowing the difference between feeling tired and being ill.

I'm not twisting the definition. If my child is run down then they are not well. I know my children best, along with their dad, and like I've said twice now but I'll repeat it again for you, often having a day off at this stage can avoid further illness and more days off next week.

We have children in the specialist centre on our school with life-limiting conditions so maybe I’m less inclined than you to describe a tired child as being ill

Not just tired, I said run down as in not well...so ill. My children have lots of energy usually though so I know when they are tired, they usually are getting ill. If you compare every child to ones with life limiting conditions then you are in danger of missing when they are ill, so it may be your view that is twisted.

Are children never just tired because they’re tired then?

JessiCake

Sorry to hear that your daughter now has a fever as well, you've done the right thing keeping her off. Hopefully she'll be feeling much better in a day or two.

It sounds like you have a good attitude to looking after her health along with understanding the importance of attending school regularly. I'm sure her stamina will improve as she gets older and she'll do well with having a supportive mum. Hope she's feeling better soon.

Are children never just tired because they’re tired then?

I can't speak for everyone but my kids are never really just tired to the point that it stops them doing anything, unless they're ill. Neither of them have ever needed much sleep. I used to listen to mums telling me their babies slept from 6pm til 7am and wonder if my children would ever do that. They didn't...ever. They're both happy on 8ish hours now.

Terrible idea. She'll end up being the type of person who skives off work for every little sniffle