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Original poster

Do you ever give your YOUNG child (age 5/6) a 'mental health day' off school if they're just knackered, overwhelmed and a bit run-down?

194 replies

JessiCake · 22/01/2019 21:03

I'm torn whether to send DD (Yr 1) in tomorrow.

Health-wise, she has a runny nose (but that's all) and she's very, very tired. The cold weather really takes it out of her, school lunches have been crap for the last few days (and she's scrawny so a couple of tiny meals means she loses energy quickly), and she's had a random couple of bad nights' sleep.

Because of all this (and because she's a very sensitive little soul who's easily over-wrought) she's feeling, well, overwrought Grin

She was a little better after a good hot meal, a bath etc this evening, and I got her to bed extra early.

But if she's still peaky, tired, and overwrought in the morning, would you send her in or would you let her have the day off?

I don't have to be anywhere tomorrow, I'm freelance and for once I have no pressing work deadlines.

Is it silly to let such a little child have what my friend with teenagers calls 'a mental health day' (basically a duvet day)?

I would never tell DD this is what I was doing for her, btw. I would just say as she's obviously feeling peaky and run-down, she's staying home.

Does anyone else do this? Am I being a massive softie/snowflake/insert abusive name here?

fwiw she's doing more than fine at school so a day off isn't going to affect her progress academically.

OP posts:
HexagonalBattenburg · 23/01/2019 14:08

Actually quite often it's been DD1's teacher who's commented to me that she thinks she's coming down with something as she's been quiet (DD1 normally never ever shuts up)! Very very marked with her if she's becoming subdued and on the rare occasions she's getting like that I'm quite fine with her having a day off early in the course of a bug to try to head it off at the pass (this year she's at 100% attendance so we're not at all habitually shit attenders incidentally).

I'm more cautious with DD2 because we nearly lost her to severe pneumonia a year ago and she still gets knocked down much harder by minor bugs but doesn't have the same self-moderating "off" switch that DD1's got. Don't think she's had a day ill this year though yet either - had a few part-days off for medical appointments but has got into school as soon as she can during the day.

Both of mine love school and there's hell on if I try to keep them off - I'd have NO chance of keeping them off unnecessarily! Also both have good attendance - and at the moment I'm on a very casual employment basis/SAHM depending on how busy work is - so I've got the flexibility that I could have them at home if I needed to.

KatherinaMinola · 23/01/2019 14:13

Terrible idea. She'll end up being the type of person who skives off work for every little sniffle

Grin

Of course I'd keep a little child home if I thought they needed a day off. She'll have no recollection of it in a year or two, and will probably be more robust by then.

HexagonalBattenburg · 23/01/2019 14:23

I'd also make the counter argument that learning when to put your health first and stop is as valuable a tool to learn for adult life as is pushing on through a minor cold and not taking time off unnecessarily.

My own long term health would be much better if I'd stepped back long before I did - I'm still paying the price years and years later.

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rainbowstardrops · 23/01/2019 15:00

I honestly can not understand the amount of posters on this thread that have said they'd keep their children off in the original situation!
I mean, really???
I work in an infant school and that probably explains why some children look at me like I'm an alien when I ask them if they're feeling better!
How about teaching them resilience? If they're ill then obviously they shouldn't be at school but keeping them off because they're tired and got a sniffle???? Jeez.
Can I have the day off tomorrow because I'm actually bloody exhausted right now? Oh no .... I need to go in to teach other people's children.
Blimey. Illness is one thing but I am honestly shocked at some of the replies on this thread.

flatpackbox · 23/01/2019 15:38

How about teaching them resilience?

I don’t think a kid needs to know about resilience during primary school years tbh ... but then I home educated for a while and I don’t suppose you think much of that either.

MrsJBaptiste · 23/01/2019 15:40

This only seems to be a thing that's done on MN. I don't know anyone in RL who would keep their kids off school when they're not poorly and feeling "anxious/tired/overwrought" is most definitely not poorly.

KatherinaMinola · 23/01/2019 15:41

Can I have the day off tomorrow because I'm actually bloody exhausted right now? Oh no .... I need to go in to teach other people's children.

You're not five years old though, are you?

A day off here and there in the infants makes very little difference. In Y11, as a PP said, it's a different matter.

HoHoHolittlepea · 23/01/2019 15:45

Yes and I have. They do get overwhelmed at times and self care/rest is something I see as building resilience not weakening it. xxx

sonlypuppyfat · 23/01/2019 15:51

I would definitely, I don't rate school at all anyway. All they care about are numbers on graphs and percentages. She's such a little girl let her have a nice day with mummy

Ragwort · 23/01/2019 15:52

No I wouldn’t but then I have a child who is incredibly robust and has never been ‘tired’ from a day at school so it’s not something that has ever crossed my mind.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 16:18

I don't rate school at all anyway. All they care about are numbers on graphs and percentages.

When was the last time you were in a school, @sonlypuppyfat?

1950?

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 16:21

There are children who I feel are neglected at home, have high attendance because 'I don't want the little fucker under my feet all day' (as one mum told me) but the school don't offer 'help' because their attendance is fine

That is categorically not true. The children you describe make up the majority of my caseload. But because I’m able to do more than one thing in my job, I’m also able to manage attendance.

WaxMyBalls · 23/01/2019 16:30

Occasionally. Especially at the time of year when there are a lot of bugs around, it's sometimes no bad thing to allow a day off when they're only minorly ill so they don't end up completely exhausted. Not if it were a day DH and I were both working though.

rainbowstardrops · 23/01/2019 17:27

I don’t think a kid needs to know about resilience during primary school years tbh ... but then I home educated for a while and I don’t suppose you think much of that either

How bloody presumptuous!
I couldn't give a flying fig if you home school your child/children but yes, we absolutely DO teach resilience in primary school!!!!

It's a positive and not a negative!

MutantDisco · 23/01/2019 17:32

@Bythebeach At our school, we send the message that each 5% of attendance is an extra GCSE grade.

I have just cast my eye over my form's reports. Those with over 95% attendance are doing well academically. Those with less are missing targets.

In this case, it's only a tiny child so far less impactful but good to get used to just turning up, whatever the weather.

rainbowstardrops · 23/01/2019 17:33

*Can I have the day off tomorrow because I'm actually bloody exhausted right now? Oh no .... I need to go in to teach other people's children.

You're not five years old though, are you?

A day off here and there in the infants makes very little difference. In Y11, as a PP said, it's a different matter.*

You clearly don't work in a school ......

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 17:35

That is categorically not true. The children you describe make up the majority of my caseload

It's definitely happening, at our school and others such as where a relative works. She finds it heartbreaking. The most they've done for a couple of kids like this is offer them breakfast club. They have children who come to school unclean, no breakfast, never learn their lines for assemblies, never any homework done, parents don't attend parents evening etc. But their attendance is ok, they've offered breakfast club, that's it.

themagicamulet · 23/01/2019 17:43

No, I wouldn't. Never have, and DCs are now teenagers. DH and I are serially present at our full time jobs too.

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 17:43

At our school, we send the message that each 5% of attendance is an extra GCSE grade

You might send that message out but its not always the case. For kids that are genuinely ill with supportive parents, there are plenty of resources like CGP books, BBC Bitesize that can get them through.

FamilyOfAliens · 23/01/2019 17:51

It's definitely happening, at our school and others such as where a relative works.

How do you know what support the families are getting? Do you work there or teach those children? The majority of the support for the children on my caseload comes from agencies I’ve signposted to outside our setting.

I don’t share that information with anyone outside our safeguarding team because it’s confidential.

Bluntness100 · 23/01/2019 17:55

I find this a bit odd. If I'd suggested to my six year old she was ill when she wasn't, and that she didn't have to go to school, especially when term only started a few days ago, she'd have thought I'd grown horns and suggested she run down the street naked. I get all kids don't love school, but no, if she's not ill, I would not suggest to her she was, and then keep her home, so soon after term has started.

Perfectly1mperfect · 23/01/2019 18:10

How do you know what support the families are getting? Do you work there or teach those children?

One of these children got an award for 100% attendance but there were obvious signs of neglect from their parents. The child also told a friend, who is my friends child, about things that were happening at home which were difficult to hear. If the school did report it to anyone, nothing changed for this poor child unfortunately. Years later at secondary, things have gone very wrong for this child. It's heartbreaking. There are younger siblings too. I've heard of similar cases too.

alltheusernames · 23/01/2019 18:15

No I wouldn't do that! Mental health day for a 5 year old, honestly.

Xenadog · 23/01/2019 18:17

I would but I work at the same school as my DD (also 5) so would have to have a day off too which just isn’t possible.

anniehm · 23/01/2019 18:21

No, because school is important and it's a poor example to start "just because they are young" for genuine physical or mental health that's different but for tiredness it's early to bed