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Original poster

My wife is dying

620 replies

SanJunipero · 13/01/2019 01:26

My beautiful, wonderful wife is only 33 and I'm sitting next to her bed in the hospice tonight watching her die. She's had cancer for a long time and I knew this was coming, but it's so very hard to watch.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 17/01/2019 09:15

Agree - you are very likely to still be in a state of shock, despite it being "expected".

Very glad you have support - hope they continue to support you for some time to come, not tail off after the funeral (a very usual situation, unfortunately). People rally round and are mostly very considerate, up until the funeral - and then, for people not very closely associated and affected by the grief, a door seems to close on the situation for them. Obviously for you, your MIL and any very close relatives, the pain and grief go on - it's your life situation, after all - but for others, their lives will go on much the same. This can be hard to take as well - but it is very "normal".

More (((hugs))) for you - accept any and all offers of help (that work for you) while you can. Thanks

fussychica · 17/01/2019 09:43

So sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourselfFlowers

lifetothefull · 17/01/2019 09:45

I just want to add my deepest sympathies. You have both been blessed with a beautiful love. You have loved and cherished till death do you part (and beyond). I pray that you will be comforted as you mourn.
Flowers

Also, I am proud to be a mumsnetter today. What lovely support everyone has offered.

highheelsandheadheldhigh · 17/01/2019 10:34

I am so terribly sorry, please be kind to yourself in these dark times. Take pleasure from the unexpected light. Take help when offered and remember no one can take away all the beautiful things you've done and created. You will always have her with you in the blessing that is your child. Sending you all my strength x x

CookieBlue · 17/01/2019 10:45

I’m so sorry OP. Sat here in tears reading through your posts. Sending you so much love and strength to get through these dark days Flowers

nozzel · 17/01/2019 12:44

So sorry for your loss xx

Jax07 · 17/01/2019 12:52

I'm so sorry for your loss. Can't imagine what you are going through. Hope family and friends are there to support you. And you can always come on Mumsnet tok for some support!

mrsrhodgilbert · 17/01/2019 14:24

SJ I’ve been reading your thread and I’m also on the cancer thread but I hadn’t realised who you were writing about. I’m so very sorry this has happened, she loved you both very much

TwitterQueen1 · 17/01/2019 15:13

I'm on the other thread too SJ I remember your DW posting - she loved you both so much and was so happy with you and your baby. Post edited by MNHQ, as included a name, which could be outing

Annasgirl · 17/01/2019 15:34

Thinking of you and your darling wife. Of course you are numb, and will be up and down for years - but we will be with you. You are in our thoughts and prayers and I hope when you feel the need for comfort you will post here to us.
Take comfort in your darling child and the fact that you got to spend the last days together in peace and with love.

yawning801 · 17/01/2019 16:27

Thinking of you all Flowers

Since she was an ABBA fan, here's a little from one of their songs. It was at the end of Mamma Mia 2 and sums up you and your wife beautifully.

"Like reflections of your mind, my love, my life,
Are the words I try to find,
My love, my life.
But I know I don't possess you -
With all my heart, God bless you.
You are still my love, and my life.
You're my one and only."

Missingstreetlife · 17/01/2019 19:25

Sorry for your trouble op. She is out of pain now. Look after yourself.
Winstons wish do wonderful work with bereaved children, you may like some of their ideas for a memory box, and their other resources may be useful later.

inlectorecumbit · 17/01/2019 19:44

The love that your DW had for both you and your DS was so obvious through her postings on another thread.

I am so sorry for your loss Flowers

MulticolourMophead · 17/01/2019 20:26

Still thinking of you here Thanks

I lost my mum in November. I still sometimes say "she is". I still talk about going to "Mum and Dad's house". It's normal, because it was automatic. It takes time to settle into the new reality.

My dad has said that he felt at a loss initially. His days had been about caring for mum. And then suddenly he can do stuff any time he likes. Again, it'll take time.

It's good to see you have RL support, and they clearly love you by the care they gave you, your DW and son.

StingLikeABee · 17/01/2019 21:18

OP, I've just read your thread. I'm so sorry to hear what you and your DW have had to go through. Cancer is a bastard.
You've touched me deeply with your words and love for her.
I can't offer much advice to get through this period, except to say just take one hour/one day at a time, and to remember to take care of yourself. It's easy to forget to do that when you are consumed by grief and busy looking after DC and focussing on their needs.
Sending my best wishes to you.

Smotheroffive · 17/01/2019 21:28

Lovely to hear your post San, and particularly that you've received such wonderful support all round. The rest, well, day-to-day, small steps...you're now in recovery, so take very good care of you. You must feel wrung out love, just try to accept what comes in terms of your feelings and every strength for the practicalities of the process. Flowers

VLCos · 17/01/2019 21:55

Sj i am so sorry for the loss of your DW much love to you and your beautiful boy xx

Paddy1234 · 17/01/2019 22:42

Your love for each other is so evident in the way you speak of your DW
Thinking of you
❤️

Miljah · 17/01/2019 23:08

So sorry.

WittyWithWine · 17/01/2019 23:59

Hugs for you and your boy x

Original poster
SanJunipero · 18/01/2019 05:49

@yawning801 Those lyrics are perfect. The morning before she went into the hospice, my wife asked if we could watch Mamma Mia 2 together. So my MIL took our son out and we snuggled up and watched it together. My wife loved that song and actually asked me to play it at her funeral.

OP posts:
cricketmum84 · 18/01/2019 06:13

Dancing queen came on in the car yesterday when I was driving home. I instantly thought of you.

I turned it up loud and sang along for your lovely wife x

TibetanMountains · 18/01/2019 08:30

You have done something so incredibly important for your wife, for another human being. You provided love, support and strength at her time of greatest need. Whatever else happens in your life, you did this and it is a truly amazing thing. I am completely humbled reading your thread. Please be kind to yourself. Wishing you and your son comfort and strength at this most difficult time.

thegreylady · 18/01/2019 09:52

So very sorry for your loss. My dh died unexpectedly, in hospital, at a time when I wasn’t with him. I am so very glad that you and your dw were able to share those last hours ❤️

SarahAndQuack · 18/01/2019 18:06

I watched Mamma Mia 1 a few weeks ago and it was brilliant silly fun. That's a lovely thing to have done together. Will keep that song in my head, too.