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Original poster

My wife is dying

620 replies

SanJunipero · 13/01/2019 01:26

My beautiful, wonderful wife is only 33 and I'm sitting next to her bed in the hospice tonight watching her die. She's had cancer for a long time and I knew this was coming, but it's so very hard to watch.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 16/01/2019 21:32

Oh darling I’m so sorry x

sarahC40 · 16/01/2019 21:33

I’m so very sorry. Be as gentle as possible with yourself and when it’s offered take some help or time for yourself. I really hope that your rl support is going to surround you and your baby with the love you showed your wife. Very, very sorry.

MixedMaritalArts · 16/01/2019 21:38
Flowers
coffeecow · 16/01/2019 21:41

Thinking of you. Be gentle with yourself Thanks

MillieMoodle · 16/01/2019 21:57

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Sending you and your little boy much love Thanks xx

HeronLanyon · 16/01/2019 22:00

So sorry to read this op. Lots of love. There are other good bereavement threads here with lovely support and we are here on this one for you. Flowers

Pandasarecute · 16/01/2019 22:07

I'm so sorry to read this, thinking of you and your little boy. I hope you have some real life support at this sad time BrewThanks. You obviously supported your lovely wife until the end and I'm sure she knew that

Flightywoman · 16/01/2019 22:19

Peace be upon her soul SJ, I'm so sorry for your loss x

FiveShelties · 16/01/2019 22:30

I am so very sorry for your loss.

Pinkyyy · 16/01/2019 23:38

I am so deeply sorry for your loss OP Flowers

Giraffey1 · 16/01/2019 23:41

I’m so sorry for your loss. But I feel sure that knowing you were that at her side gave her huge comfort and ‘enabled’ her to slip away. This will help you in the coming days and weeks.

Please take any help that is offered to you and don’t be afraid to cry / not to cry. There are no rules, the only rule is doing what is right for you x

Ember12 · 16/01/2019 23:48

So sorry for your loss. Sending love to you and your little boyFlowers xx

ShesABelter · 16/01/2019 23:56

I'm so sorry Flowers

BIWI · 16/01/2019 23:58

I'm sorry. Be kind to yourself Flowers

NumbersStation · 17/01/2019 01:52

So very sorry to hear that she has gone. Thinking of you and your little one Flowers

Original poster
SanJunipero · 17/01/2019 06:03

I've just been reading through some more of your messages - I feel quite overwhelmed by your support. Thank you for seeing how wonderful she was (it's so hard not to say "how wonderful she is"). I was trying to reply to all the individuals who posted offers to be with me, talk to me, sent beautiful poems and lyrics, reminded me to eat, checked in regularly, etc, but there are so many that I think I'll just have to say a blanket "thank you". Please know that your kindness has meant a lot to me.

I do have real-life support. My MIL was with me at the hospice, and some truly wonderful friends stayed there round the clock looking after my baby so that I could be with my wife without being apart from him. They brought me nice food even when I said I wasn't hungry, made me endless cups of tea, sat with me when I wanted that, and quietly withdrew when they could see I wanted to be alone.

Now I'm home, I feel terribly numb. I was frightened that I felt this way, as I'd expected to constantly be in floods of tears, so thank you to the posters on this thread who've said that's normal. To be honest, it still feels like she'll come home at some point. The tiredness is really beginning to hit me now.

I got a lovely PM yesterday. It was from someone on the ongoing cancer support thread here on MN. I knew my wife posted on there, and deliberately stayed away so that she had a private space to talk through what was happening with others going through the same. The PM said that they knew which poster my wife was because she used to talk about me and our baby all the time, and that her love for us shone through. I can't tell you what it meant to me to hear that.

I've got to go to the hospice to do some paperwork today, then I'm registering her death. Tomorrow I'm speaking to the funeral directors. My time feels very empty without caring for her. I walked to the corner shop yesterday afternoon and it felt very odd just to be able to leave the house spontaneously, without arranging for someone to be with her. I think that'll take a bit of getting used to.

OP posts:
SandysMam · 17/01/2019 06:14

Morning OP, not posted before but lurked (in a non creepy way!!). I’m so so sorry for your loss, nothing to say really. Just do what you have to for the next few days, your brain will help find a way to process it.
Wishing you all the best for a future with your beautiful son. It is still the three of you, she will be everywhere you go and always with you Flowers

TidyDancer · 17/01/2019 06:56

I'm so very sorry for your loss OP. It was clear and continues to be clear how much love there is in your family. Thinking of you. ❤️💐

Palestperson · 17/01/2019 07:26

So much love for you. xxxx

itssquidstella · 17/01/2019 07:28

Morning @SanJunipero. I'm glad to hear you have good support in real life; make sure you lean on it as much as you need to over the coming days and weeks.

Sending love to you and DS.

Honeypickle · 17/01/2019 07:34

I’m so sorry. Sending you much love and strength xx

emma2722 · 17/01/2019 07:53

I'm so sorry and sending you strength too!

NumbersStation · 17/01/2019 08:22

I'm sitting here thinking how very lucky your wife was to have you. She must have felt so blessed to have you by her side.

There are no bigger achievements in this world than to love and be loved. The love you have for her shines out of you.

You have a new normal to grow accustomed too. It wont be an easy road but with the love you have around you, you'll get there.

I pray the days get easier for you than they are now.

Forgive me for referring to a Call The Midwife episode. Nurse Phyllis quoted Federico Garcia Lorca's 'It's True' and said 'the pain it cost to love - I believe it is always worth it' It may not be the right thing to say and I'm sorry for that. But it helped me to remember the depths of my grief was directly in proportion with the soaring love I was fortunate enough to have.

You are in my thoughts. Flowers

madmumofteens · 17/01/2019 08:34

So very sorry for your loss your wife was so young thinking of you 💐xx

ChippingIn · 17/01/2019 08:56

I’m pleased you have such wonderful support from family and friends. Don’t be afraid to tell them what you need from them. It’s not easy when you want to help, but aren’t sure what the person wants or needs and it’s easy to perceive that as them going back to their day to day lives and not being there for you.

Please don’t worry about how you’re feeling or not feeling. You’re exhausted, shocked and bereaved. All of those things individually are hard, when you have them all together your emotions and thoughts are all over the place. Don’t underestimate the shock. Although you knew how ill your DW was, and that it was terminal, I think our brains still cannot accept it. I think a part of us still expects the miracle, especially when the person is so young and in hospital, it’s inconceivable they won’t get better.

It’s so bloody unfair xx

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