I hate working/my job!!!

[newyearnewwhat]

I've nc as I don't want to out myself as this is something I only really talk to dh about.
I'm due back at work on Wednesday and feel sick and anxious at the thought of it. I feel ill.
It's a poorly paid job in education. I'm good at it, I don't find it hard but feel stuck with no prospect of doing anything else until I retire.
Really I just like being at home (disclaimer, I'm very sociable, do lots with dc and friends etc) but during working hours I'd happily just potter around the house while dh and the dc are at work/school. I honestly wouldn't feel unfulfilled, I'd be blissfully happy. Is this because my job isn't fulfilling? I'm guessing it is but I literally have very few options and at 47, feel so so trapped

Grace I don't want to say what I do publicly but will pm you when I get a chance ( it's not dodgy don't worry! )
Eastie for the love of God take the promotion! In my experience higher-ups actually do less work, and the higher up you go the less they seem to do! Friends of mine who have risen up in the NHS or civil service tell me that this is true.
Take the promotion, make more money, have more power. Bwahahaha.

@Eastie @Ifnot

That is so true, if you are higher up, you can delegate work to others, arrange meetings away from the office and plan your days to give you some headspace.....

Also more money, bigger pension and several steps nearer to leaving :)

Ifnot it's true that the very senior people in my company seem to do little beyond attending pointless meetings and wining and dining clients but the promotion I'm being pushed towards wouldn't be that kind of role. I'm not that senior. It would involve a fair bit of travel and presenting to clients, running workshops etc. I would also be more visible within the organisation which is the very last thing I want. The only saving grace at work right now is that I'm so far down the pecking order and speak to so few people (or refuse to engage in hideous 'networking opportunities' with senior managers) that no-one takes notice of me.

Tonight I'm going through my budget spreadsheet to work out the minimum we'd need to get by on without childcare costs. It might be possible to save enough so that by the time DS starts nursery full time in September I will be able to take a few months off.

I can’t believe how many people there are sharing the same feelings in this thread. For years, I have found myself literally unable to cope and suffocating in a full-time office job. I was lucky enough to have had part-time jobs or negotiated a FT role to PT but I have always felt myself an outlier. People always complain about the weekend/holidays not being long enough- between catching up on sleep, chores, social commitments there is hardly any time to just ‘be’ before you have to go back to work again yet I have always wondered why isn’t it more common for people to want to work part-time (in office jobs), surely many people would love to trade in a relatively small loss percentage of income for more time, freedom, rest etc. I started a new job a month before xmas which most unfortunately is FT as I was not able to find anything PT. Before coming back to work in the new year, I found I was pregnant (first) which makes this so much more difficult. I don’t know how I will cope. I just want to be at home, have my day to myself, with nowhere to go and nowhere to be.

I am massively kicking myself for leaving my dossy well paid WFH job last year, to get a more senior role in an office based job.

By 5pm on the first day I knew I'd made a mistake. I left after 2 weeks as I just can't do offices.

I'm now temping and desperately trying to find another WFH job which will probably be on less money and a more junior position but I really don't care.

I'm trading money and seniority for the freedom of not working in an office ever again.

Can't believe I fell for the 'it'll be worth it to get a promotion' bullshit lie i told myself and I keep wishing i could turn the clock back. The funny thing is, when I did have my cushy home based job I wasn't happy as I was treated like shit by management and denied any development opportunities, hence me leaving, so maybe I'll never be happy whatever I have?

I'm so sorry Russel! :(
I worry that I just hate any job after a couple of years... you've made me see I need to stick to my easy job...even if it's very unfulfilling!

Take/keep the easy Jon even if your brain craves more. You can find something fulfilling to do outside work.

Job!

I've learned the hard way...but I was just thinking back to how badly I was treated and how horrible my boss was and realised I had good cause to leave.. Only so long you can sell your soul for. Next WFH job I get tho I'll stick to like glue. I forgot how horrible offices are and now know it's worth paying any price to get out.

Russell there's no point beating yourself up over past decisions. You said yourself you were not happy in the old WFH job. You left for good reason. The next job wasn't a good fit, but it's still a good thing you quit because you will find the right WFH job.
Don't panic and take a more junior role. I wish women wouldn't do this! (And it's nearly always women who do).
They have a blow to their self esteem and confidence and shuffle to the safety of a lower paid lower status job.
I KNOW this as something similar happened to me. I totally lost my confidence and started applying for jobs in thd same ( or lower) pay scale. Then when I got rejected (probably due to being overqualified, and coming accross full of self doubt and fear..)I felt even worse.
The only way is up, always. Always aim higher than you were, there is nothing to lose.

Russell, was it you who posted a thread specifically about being in an office all day?

re promotions that's another thing I've never seen - the places where the higher ups don't do much. maybe at director level but not seen it at senior management.

Excellent advice @Notnowbernard

I'm guessing you don't work in the public sector Grace?

Thanks brownmouse. It comes from making all my own terrible mistakes!

no, I've never worked in the public sector...

I hear you @newyearnewwhat. I feel sick and anxious for Monday and it’s only Saturday morning.

I work in a hospital, which in all fairness is a germ factory, as a pp mentioned earlier. A very fitting description.

I want to get out as I hate it, but I have to carry on for another two years which is when my private pension kicks in. Then my notice will be handed in swiftly.

I just hope to God this two years go very quickly.

I’ve found my people!

I have a chronic health condition which makes life so difficult. I’m lucky to work part time but I’m now finding 20 hours a week too much. I’m only 35. The future terrifies me. I’m too healthy for PIP but working is terrible. I struggle through the day and spend my time off sleeping/resting.

We’ve got a mortgage and a child to provide for and I feel overwhelmingly trapped. If we could clear the mortgage, I’d still need to work but I could take something less stressful (I’m top band 5 nhs) but then I think maybe I’d still struggle. I just wish I was in good health.

Retainer

Thankyou

Newyearnewwhat - you need to take steps to find something you enjoy more, that interests you and doesn’t fill you with dread.

Tbh for you to be working only part time, term time only (which is an incredibly fortunate position to be in) and still to feel like this ... something needs to change.

I can well believe that you’re perfectly happy pottering at home- with teenage kids, it’s a breeze, it’s all the benefits of being at home without the hard graft of looking after tiny children. But honestly- I would think outside the box. If you only work school terms it’s very easy to slip into a fixed mindset that you couldn’t possibly do anything else. Whereas in fact there may be far more interesting jobs out there that you’d find fulfilling

Well it's back to work tomorrow for me. I've decided to go through my inbox this afternoon as the thought of going in and facing 600+ unread messages tomorrow morning is too much. Plus I have back to back meetings and calls all day as usual from 9am so I'll never catch up if I don't do it now.

DS started preschool last Monday. He was fine at drop off for the first few days but had a meltdown for the first time on Friday. I really want to continue taking him in next week but it will be his childminder dropping him off as he starts at 11am and it's impossible for me to take him at that time due to work. I'm onsite with a client all week:(

Separately, I contacted HR earlier this week about taking unpaid leave later in the year as company policy allows this after a few years Service. They replied that it is now at my manager's discretion so I will have to talk to him about this next week. Unlikely to be something he is interested in discussing since his current focus is moving me to another position.

Anyway. I hope next week is bearable for those who are back in the office on Monday.

Eastie

I'll be thinking of you tomorrow as I switch on my computer for another week on the treadmill........

Sorry, the return to work led to me totally ignoring this thread! So sad to read that there are so many that feel like me 
@Hubanmao I do appreciate that I am very lucky but on the flip side, I do feel that me feeling so utterly wretched and anxious about work when I do the hours I do, is a sign that all is not well! Hope that makes sense?

@Eastie77 hope it's good news for you this week from your manager!

I am confused and troubled. One of the emails is from our Finance team with a document all employees need to sign confirming our targets and bonuses for 2019. This is all standard. However when I clicked on the link to e-sign I can see my job title has completely changed along with my targets and the Business Unit I am assigned to. I have checked the company intranet and all details have changed in there as well
The new job title is the promotion my manager has tried to convince me to apply for but obviously I have not applied for it. Surely they cannot just move me. I need to find my contract.