I hate working/my job!!!

[newyearnewwhat]

I've nc as I don't want to out myself as this is something I only really talk to dh about.
I'm due back at work on Wednesday and feel sick and anxious at the thought of it. I feel ill.
It's a poorly paid job in education. I'm good at it, I don't find it hard but feel stuck with no prospect of doing anything else until I retire.
Really I just like being at home (disclaimer, I'm very sociable, do lots with dc and friends etc) but during working hours I'd happily just potter around the house while dh and the dc are at work/school. I honestly wouldn't feel unfulfilled, I'd be blissfully happy. Is this because my job isn't fulfilling? I'm guessing it is but I literally have very few options and at 47, feel so so trapped

@TulipsInbloom1 funnily enough I was thinking recently that if any of my current/former parents knew how I was feeling, I'd be inundated with offers of employment! I'm too much of a professional though

I didn't go back to work after christmas.. I'd taken a new job and it just didn't feel right for various reasons, and i realised I wanted to go back to my old industry as this was something of a change for me.

So, I'm currently unemployed and I thought I'd feel like it was a sort of extended christmas break but let me tell you it is NOTHING like that, it's really stressful with the uncertainty of not knowing when I'll work again (financially can afford it for a bit but its tough), plus I wake up in the morning and just don't really know how to fill my days. I think it's the open-endedness of it. If I had a week off, I'm sure I'd plan to do x on this day and y on that day... but because I am off for an indefinite period and don't have much money, it's really hard to plan what to do.

I guess if I'd won the lottery before all this happened maybe it'd be different.

Moral of the story: be careful what you wish for as they say. Long term unemployed is nothing like a few weeks off with the security of a job to return to.

@newyearnewhat - it's terrible to have to admit this........

That's my fear @RussellSprout if I make a mistake, then what?!
I hope 2019 is kind to you and you find a wonderful new job!

@Chottie admit what?!

I feel the same op and I work in education too.
I know there are far worse jobs but for what I do and am expected to achieve the pay simply doesn't reflect it.

I’m the same, I love my non working days, even with only 1 school age child. I do the school run, do a Pilates class, do the supermarket shopping, cook and other house stuff and also have time to rest/ see friends/ family.
I work 3 days which is plenty. Will probably reduce to 2 in the next few years.

I’m intrigued by what you do in schools that is very niche, had 100 applicants, can be done part time but pays rubbish?!

Please PM me!

But in answer to your question-I would very happily never work again. So would DH.

Sadly, bills and mortgage won’t allow it!

It's my qualification that's a bit 'niche' it's not suited to many jobs!
I'm a school nursery nurse, we're paid more than a ta, hence the many many applicants! It's still a pittance though and I do so much unpaid overtime (but that's another thread!)

I think I (stupidly) gave up the perfect job last year, although at the time I hated it.

I was working from home with a little bit of travel (maybe travel 2 days/ home 3 days) and on my home days, I probably had 2-3 hours work if that (although was on a full time salary). On travel days I was generally on the road for a few hours, a few hours of meetings, maybe an overnight stay.

Unfortunately management were toxic and made me feel worthless and bullied and after being denied a promotion opportunity yet again I decided to leave. New job turned out to be a mistake so now unemployed.

I'm trying to find a similar 'travelling around' job now as I've learnt the hard way that they're much easier than being tied to an office and commute. Next time I won't mind the toxic management so much!

Just feel like I had it all and threw it away in a fit of pique... ah well.

@Belindabauer I spend my days justifying carrying on with the mantra 'there are far far worse jobs' but is that enough to justify putting up with it?!

@RussellSprout thanks for sharing, it really helps but so sorry to hear it's not worked out.
Toxic management sounds familiar, sometimes it's hard to not let it get to you! I hope you find something wonderful soon

@newyearnewwhat thanks and hope you feel better in your job soon and this is just january blues. Do you have friends at work? One of the things i miss that I didn't anticipate, is the friendships I had. They can make an unbearable job bearable.

I do, although it's hard as people are leaving education in droves so staff turnover is pretty rapid!!

Well, I adore my job, it's great- but 8 hours a day 5 days a week is frankly just a fuck tonne of time. It's exhausting. And the prospect of going to work every bloody day for most of my life is horrid even if I do like my job.
So no, it's not because you hate your job. We should have hours like the scandi's or a month off in summer like the French.

I retired (early) last year after working full time for 40 years, some of which were in schools.

I absolutely love being at home, I'm never bored and there is so much out there to do and see which doesn't necessarily cost a lot. I've also saved money by selling on ebay and stopped buying 'things' to cheer me up.

I look and feel loads better due to a better diet, more exercise and worry free sleep.

When I look back over 40 years and all the time I spend worrying about work/unreasonable bosses/stupid unnecessary changes etc etc I could weep. Lets be honest most of us have jobs not fulfilling careers and are just wage slaves.

Sorry op I know that's not much use to you its more for the people who say you will be bored if you left.

I can relate to a lot of what you’re saying, down to the niche qualification in education. Difference is, I am full time and secondary so I don’t have the advantages of the part time hours and cute kids! I would kill to go part time in my job. It would make the time I was there much more bearable. There are lots of things that make it bearable eg the nicer staff and pupils bht state education generally is not in a good place and if you’ve been in it for 10 years you have witnessed the decline first hand. So we don’t have the “innocence” that young people coming knto the job have. The job may be shit but they’ve never known any different and just get on with it. Whereas us older ones get annoyed with the crap changes and frustrated cos things @aren’t like they used to be!”

I think in your situation I would give myself a little pep talk. Listen to the posters who are saying “be careful what you wish for.” The jobs market is such now that you can’t make rash decisions and I get that can lead to intertia but I think it’s also stopping a lot of us making a silly move. Yes, you might not be able to go back if you hated a move somewhere else, but what about if you couldn’t even GET something else?

I thought I’d have a new job in the bag about a year ago. It was a piece of piss with my experience but to my shock I didn’t get it. I guess there are younger, cheaper, less jaded people round than me who can be more accepting of tasks that us oldies woukd raise an eyebrow at. (Have you seen the length of some job descriptions these days in the public sector for shit wages?! I think some jobs have been combined or regraded lower, it’s awful)

If I were you I would appreciate what I had. You have your time at home (and no, I wouldn’t be bored either so I get where you’re coming from) and you have your bit of work life, challenge, own money, sense of worth, appreciation by the kids/parents, keeping up to date on current knowledge, pension, a sense of individuality away from being a wife/mum, just general stability. None of those are to be sniffed at. Who knows what’s round the corner? Your DH could get a serious illness or worse and then where woukd you be? What if your relationship went tits up and you split up?

Don’t knock what you’ve got as you sound like you have the best of both worlds. Just plan some lovely things to do on your time off so that you have something to look forward to when you’re fed up in work.

I don’t think this time of the year helps with these feelings. I’m hating the dark mornings. I guess for my situation, I’m trying to see the positives. I’m guessing there are more cuts on the way so i may not even have a job this time next year so I am just plodding on until that Time comes, which is when I will think of maybe retraining.

Lastly, think of the money if your kids are destined for uni or want to buy a house. The bank of mum and dad is becoming ever more essential!

Heard today there is going to be some sort of team exercise to change the way we work. I would be up for it but the person leading it is the most arrogant and selfish individual on the team so it has lost its appeal. Normally I would be worried about what it might mean for me, but I am done worrying about work.

As a PP said, we waste so much time worrying about shite at work. It takes up so much headspace. I have no more energy to care. I am going to be quietly rebellious and nod but just do my own thing where I can. If they want to pay me off, so be it.

@CurlyhairedAssassin wow, thanks for taking the time to take the time to write such a long and thoughtful post. Actually thanks to all of you, your kindness and wise words are really helping
I've actually been in my current school for 10 years but have done the job for many more years, so yes, I've certainly seen a lot of change. I do feel jaded and a bit old hat at times. I'm destined to be carried out the building at 65 muttering 'we didn't used to do it this way'
I take my hat off to anyone in secondary education because the cuteness of my lot really does get me through the darker days!

I admire anyone who works in Early Years and Primary education. You do such an important job and it's shocking that jobs in the sector are so poorly paid. I'm eternally grateful to my DC's teachers and TAs.

Anyway, this thread has been strangely comforting. I'm relieved although sad to see so many people feel as I do. I work in Advertising and I've been off work since just before Xmas. I go back next week and I am dreading it. My job isn't stressful but my clients are extremely demanding and I've started to hate them all. I dream of telling them I don't give a shit if their ad campaigns are successful or not and I hope no-one buys the overpriced crappy stuff they sell to gullible consumers. As PP's have already said, I've realised my work is completely pointless. The strain of having to pretend I care, to keep smiling and nodding at annoying colleagues, participate in stupid workshops, team building sessions...it's killing me. I've become quite bitter and sarcastic in the office. I'm short tempered and frequently roll my eyes, sigh and mutter "fuck off" under my breath when I receive an email with a request for me do a task that is part of my job. I actively pray daily for redundancy with a pay off and I'm not remotely religious.

This week DS started pre-school and I've been taking him to his half day sessions and then using the free hours I have to go to museums, walk in the park, read and just..breathe. It's been wonderful. I also look physically better. My skin has been glowing and all the walking has left me feeling energised. I've cooked the DC's meals from scratch and read chapters of DD's favourite books to her at bedtime (I'm usually too tired to do more than a few pages).

The thought of going in on Monday is making me weep. I know that within a day of returning I'll be back to feeling exhausted and sluggish and looking like crap. Sympathies to all of you struggling with the return to servitude

Op what about a nanny for school age children? Our nanny does before & after school 3 days a week and about 6 weeks in the holidays ( 3.5 days per week) You could be at home 3 days a week in school hours have 2 full days off. I bet you could find a job tomorrow there are loads of people looking for that sort of childcare a sort of proxy mum! ( I do like my job but still prefer being at home so really vale the fact my children can be even when I’m not!)

Sorry value that should say!

Eastie77, it’s having kids that does that to you! You suddenly realise what life’s all about. And it’s not about making people buy stuff that they probably don’t need, that they slave in jobs they hate as much as you hate yours in order to buy the stuff etc etc! I think people go more nurturing and hippyish once they have kids, they value totally different things than they did before. They want to contribute to society and make a better place for our growing children.

Cha is right it’s the changes being a mum makes you see the world differently