If mumsnet was a diagram (lighthearted)

[BobbyGentry]

Sooooo... in my ‘if Mumsnet was a diagram’ (taking only a few minutes to draw and even less time to think about.)

There’d be a parking war between Morison’s, Ocado & Sainsbury’s delivery vans on LTB Street.

There’d be a quiet, warm and inviting 24hrs bookshop, 24hrs Costa Coffee for a lively chat and a really elaborate wedding shop.

The radical exclusionary feminists, across the road at number 10, wouldn’t be willing to share the toilet with EricA yet again so they’d all be kicking off.

A prep school for children aged 3 + (put you name down at birth or attend the local comp with better results.)

How about you?

Lots I’ve probably forgotten but first things that sprang to mind.

((((Hope to make you smile))))

This is amazing.

a Spa where all the stressed and overwhelmed can take themselves to for the day to fix all their issues.

There would be tiny little Korean ladies drinking fruit shoots & taking their goats out for a walk whilst douching with a penis beaker, never celebrating birthdays or receive Xmas presents cause they will all be adults!

Ok, so on Pearl Necklace Street, there is the jobcentre, the travel agent, the off-licence, the Affordable Counselling and the Spa. Oh and the pet rescue centre. Ironing Mum also lives here.
On LTB street, there's the OW, the Working Late office, the pub, the hobby shop and Stunning School Mum.
Then we have Ideal World street where we have the Quarantine, Pharmacy and the fiercely guarded A&E.

There's pigletjohn too, Snoz! He'll have a centre somewhere so he can give wise advice about all things DIY-related (and the MNers can then complain that they've been nagging their husbands for months to do a particular job because this is clearly man's work and moaning at DH is better than just doing it yourself, before calling in the lovely tradesman to do it instead).

Actually, maybe @pigletjohn is the wonderful tradesman that all the SAHMs fall in love with

And boy doesn't lovely Tradesman lap it all up. Armed with his big drill and his tool belt. And his muscles and brute force and ability and ........... I think I need some working doing.........

No, pigletjohn couldn't be lovely Tradesman. PigletJohn puts lovely tradesman out of business. They don't like each other.

Lovely Tradesman's tag line is, never ask a woman to do a MAN'S JOB. And mostly we agree with him. If we disagree, his green eyes, and missing teeth, reel us in and bring us to our senses pretty swiftly.

But no shops that sell glue, as no-one in MNland is on it (but we know of plenty who are on it, out there in the wilderness with all of the Wendys)

I believe that on the far side of fuck, a lot of them are on glue. Also closely related to the dwellers of the bridge.

Where’s the biscuit shop?

I think the biscuit shop would be next to the fence that is there for sitting on, around the fighting debating arena?

Don't forget the SEN and MH centre. With supportive Educational Psychologists who will assess and diagnose DC with ADHD and/or ASD within 37 minutes from initial referral. And the Amateur Psychiatrists who will assess and diagnose cunting bastard STBXHs with NPD, BPD, bipolar disorder, etc etc within 2 seconds of enquiry by DW and without having ever met them.

I would also suggest a Stunt Pineapple civic statue for the town be placed in high prominence somewhere.

And the shop should sell stunt naice washing up paraphernalia WHICH SHOULD NEVER BE USED FOR WASHING UP.

We need a shop selling grips of all types and sizes.

Staffed by no nonsense women who will cheerfully and briskly include a free head wobble with every purchase.

The Grip shop also needs to do a sideline in Big Girl Pants ....

Brilliant thread. Can it be classed as a 'Classic' ?

The Grip shop also needs to do a sideline in Big Girl Pants

Excellent point Bumps

“Grips & Knicks - purveyors of perspective and determination to the discerning customer”

We need a pub called ‘Very Outing Hobby’

A 2 room laboratory where in one room every resident takes it in turns to look at pissed on sticks to determine if the Pee-er is pregnant or not, and the other where they look at scan pictures to determine ‘pink or blue’

Can we have a Gallery of Diagrams, where we can all appreciate the arts!

Perhaps we could ask the person who owns the ice cream van to park it outside the school.

And what about all the snowflakes? Do you think the ice cream van will have enough room in its freezer?

The school Nativity play will take place every day, and there will be a strict rota so everyone gets to be Mary, boys included, whether they want to or not. We just need to make sure the school hall is wide enough for every parent, grandparent and assorted hangers-on to have a seat in the front row. There is only the one row of chairs, actually.

Ooh there needs to be a boxing ring dubbed AIBU outside the bakery for fighting with buns!

Don't forget that spa for those "spa days" that everyone can afford and should have when their dh upsets them.

Oh I forgot the cleaner that everyone can afford.