Why are some people successful?

[Gwenhwyfar]

I'd like to get your opinions on why some people are successful (particularly at work, but also in general) and others are unsuccessful. I'm looking for personality types and soft skills rather than hard skills I understand that someone with a masters in a STEM subject might have a better chance of making money than someone with a BA in an Arts subject or just GCSEs, but I'm thinking more of things like being confident, being positive, being sociable and why do you think some people have those qualities and others don't. Is it down to early childhood or are they things that can change throughout our lives?

"Like managers who have basically just been promoted to that level to get them out of the way."

Yes, but that only happens to people who are quite high up anyway. What I have seen is people promoted over their capacities and then demoted, but the demotion sort of sold as a transfer and they keep some of their status and higher pay with less of the responsibility so I have occasionally seen people rewarded for failing.

"because I have learned, from my family, how to get along in different situations and have the self confidence to do it. "

How did they teach you that?
My DM said she wanted us to be confident. I'd say she's failed completely with half of her children.

People think I'm successful. I didn't have a supportive family, or a particularly brilliant education. (Although did go to university when there were universal grants. My parents would have preferred I got a job). As a single parent, I had to make it work so I pushed myself into situations where there was no option but to succeed.

I work with entrepreneurs who start businesses and get them to around £5m - £10m. I'd say that's pretty successful.Very few are graduates. With very few exceptions, they are extremely hard working and focused. I wouldn't say many have a particular talent- just the ability to spot opportunities and pursue them.

Early in my career, I worked in a large corporate. Truly a case study in people promoted to their level of incompetence. Anyone half good would be stopped from moving up, (and would inevitably leave so very short sighted of line management) and problem employees were given excellent appraisals so they could go for other jobs within the organisation.

Yes, but that only happens to people who are quite high up anyway. What I have seen is people promoted over their capacities and then demoted, but the demotion sort of sold as a transfer and they keep some of their status and higher pay with less of the responsibility so I have occasionally seen people rewarded for failing.

Not always. Someone else got a promotion, again above others more competent and at the same level, despite being found asleep in work. So nice pay rise to them and they still slack off.

Like I say though it's a shit company. If you do anything remotely useful, you're targeted pretty much and bosses harass you because you're not perfect enough or make a tiny mistake and suddenly you need disciplined. Yet the useless ones get left alone, frequently make mistakes and no one cares and they get pay rises.

Don't actually know how it's been running for this long..

Attitude, approach to life, ability to adjust/try things outside your comfort zone and hard work.

I've had to work very hard to be successful, I'm dyslexic so always had to work differently and harder to get the basics.

But my attitude has always been stubborn and determined when people have told me that I can't achieve or when I have to take a different route. This is where the ability to adjust comes in.

A friend once told me that she was jealous of my confidence, I'm not a confident person, I just don't care about what others think about me especially strangers as long as I'm not hurting anyone or upsetting friends/family.

I'm successful in that I'm happy with my life, don't feel the need to compare myself to others, love my job and have enough money to have holidays.

Success is a personal measurement different to every one.

I would say I am relatively successful. There has been some luck for sure - being in the right place at the right time on occasion but mostly I have worked really hard at every job I have had and taken/made opportunities. I was in admin for a few years - covered for other when they were sick, asked my boss for development, did things above my grade for no extra money all of which helped increase my confidence and gave me great experience to talk about at interviews. As a result I have worked my way up the ladder in my field (with some difficult knock backs along the way which I had to get over) and now earn good money in an interesting job. I also studied PT while working FT and got a level 5 qualification in my field which was a massive struggle for me due to my dislexia and that has opened some doors for me.

I guess I'm someone who is successful by your standards, though as always there's a good dose of imposter syndrome for me.

I have a job where I'm able to make big changes within the organisation, have between 7-15 years less experience than those in equivalent level roles, and have a salary that's in the top 20% for my household type, and I suspect higher for my age group. My role is broadly varied and satisfying, but does have tedious bits.

I do think luck plays a big part:

I was lucky to be born into a family with supportive parents who valued education and encouraged me to do well (or try hard if I didn't do well!), but balanced that with avoiding an obsession with perfection. I've of my great grandma's sayings was "only perfect is good enough" - my parents countered that with "why do a 100% job if an 80% job will do?".

I was lucky to be born bright, and only suffering from limited disabilities from my teenage years.

I was lucky to get my degree from an exceptional university (because although I was bright enough for my degree, I'm sure there were others, equally bright, who were passed over).

But, countering that, is the fact that I've worked really very hard.

I didn't think I worked hard when I did my a levels, or prepared for uni, say. But in fact I did 6 a levels, teaching myself one, did extra modules in the summer to prepare for uni, and read about 15 books ready for my uni interview.

I read papers and articles on my interviewers' specialisms. I've done the same thing for every job interview. I've now done multiple job interviews where by 5 minutes through I know the job wouldn't suit me, but because I've done my research I can see what they are going to want, so can present that persona. Since I worked out how to do this, I've got every single job I've applied for.

But again, that was more luck - a friend of a friend of a friend was very senior in recruitment at a large multinational and kindly gave me an hour of her time to talk me through how to improve my technique.

So I guess a mixture of luck (bright, useful friends etc) and taking advantage of what luck offers you (asking for work experience, for help to improve etc).

I also definitely don't really have goals! I find you never know what opportunities are around the corner, so I just take whatever comes along that seems it will be positive and not mean I miss something even better later.

If I think about most of the "lucky breaks" I've had in life, the luckiness element of the break could have happened to anyone. It was luck I created for myself, putting myself in the right place at the right time. Maybe I was lucky to have the insight that made me put myself there.

Most of my career has involved me having to put myself through the pain barrier, and make myself be the person who's chosen. And, boy, I've had some immensely crappy jobs in my time, where I could have given up because I was just unlucky and everyone around me was so much more capable and "lucky" than me.

I find it depressing that so many people place so much store by luck being the biggest (or in some cases, the only ) factor in success. It's a shame people feel luck and by implication success is for someone else not them.

Despite all of this, against the odds and without 'luck' or privilege he is an extremely successful man, both professionally and personally. He is kind, honest and extremely funny and I think one of his overarching qualities is he makes people feel safe and secure.

I think some people have a different definition of "luck". Being born highly intelligent and charismatic is winning life's lottery.

I find it depressing that so many people place so much store by luck being the biggest (or in some cases, the only ) factor in success. It's a shame people feel luck and by implication success is for someone else not them.

I find it depressing that people think they have done things all off their own back, without acknowledging in any circumstance that they have been fortunate. In fact, I wouldn't consider those people successful, as they seem to have failed to acquire any emotional intelligence along the way.

There's no way to put this without coming across as boasting but I am quite intelligent- not genius level but definitely above average, I was in gifted programmes in school, started taking university classes aged 14 in some subjects (I won a partial scholarship, this was not in the UK). However I was raised by an alcoholic abusive mother after my father abandoned us. My childhood was chaotic to say the least. So I had some good luck and some bad luck but one as absolutely determined to succeed from a young age. My mother used to constantly tell me I was stupid and this ended up being a good thing as I was absolutely driven to prove her wrong. I lived independently from age 17 and worked in the sex industry to put myself through university.

I am now fairly successful in a STEM field, post graduate education, nice salary (£85k), senior manager, interesting work. I notice that the people around me seem to have had to do less to get where they are now. Those who had easier/luckier childhoods and tons of family support seem naive and sheltered and don't seem to be as happy with what they have and as appreciative as I am.

My sister didn't have the same drive and determination as I did. She's now unemployed and battling drug and alcohol addiction. She told me recently how much she regrets not working hard like I did - and she is very smart herself.

Therefore I'm convinced success is a combination of luck and drive. With no luck you would need Herculean effort and drive, with all the luck of being born rich and lived and spoiled you may not need to do anything at all. Most of us are born somewhere between these two extremes and our success is determined by the choices we made, with it being much easier for some than others to get there.

Sorry if this has been said before, but the older I get and the more people I meet, the more I think the one quality you have to have to succeed is resilience. Everyone gets knocked down but successful people just get up and have another go until they succeed. They see failure as a learning experience and don't take it to heart. Success has many different forms for different people - professional and personal, but the people I know who feel like failures (in their own minds) are the ones who have stopped trying - they feel stupid or guilty or resigned to failure. And that becomes self-fulfilling.

The people who are least successful are the ones who appear successful to outsiders but who are still unhappy with their lot, and lack any ability to appreciate and enjoy what they have.

A combo of
Determination
Drive
Cheerful disposition
Approachable
A cheery smile
Knowledge is great but so it’ll the ability to bullshit or exaggerate skills.
Well groomed fit the role required

Looks help
I know people in my profession that were turned down due to visible tattoos and extreme hair.

Also agree with resilience

It is down to looks and whether your face fits as to how many 'lucky' breaks most people get in life. Also for many women a successful career equates to a determination to put family priorities to one side.

Inate intelligence is over rated, given supportive circumstances throughout life most people could gain the qualifications and skills needed for and so many top jobs. It comes down to not how clever you are but how much you're happy to step on other people.

Martin Lewis had a good one. 1. Talent 2. Hardwork 3. Focus (on something specific) 4. Luck

I think luck is largely down to good health and mental health.
If you are unhealthy, either through ignorance, or poor parenting, or genes, it doesn’t matter - you just cannot become successful easily. It is why healthy eating habits, cooking and exercise are so important at a young age.

Luck isn't purely health though - privilege counts for a fuck load! Much much more so in some professions than others, but the reduction in social mobility in past decades shows it isn't purely good health & hard work.

I have just won an industry award based on client and peer feedback. (Stealth boast because following a recent bereavement I have no one to properly boast to).

I put it down to (1) massively specialising into something so niche there are few competitors and (2) being "nice" - not pointing out others' mistakes, not negotiating stupid points that don't matter in the scheme of things, looking at the bigger picture. I don't big myself up (this post excepted!) and don't claim things with absolute certainty that then turn out to be wrong (hello, nearly every man I've ever worked with). I try to help my team have a work/life balance and show my appreciation when they work unsociable hours. In general, I call it "not being a c**t".

I suffer massively from impostor syndrome. I feel I have been very lucky/ not been found out yet.

Congrats Fantata that sounds very well deserved - and sorry for your loss

"Not being a c*nt" - that sounds like you are actually a pretty good and compassionate manager!

Gwen are you able to reframe your thoughts though?

Instead of telling yourself that you are not successful, could you frame it as I am successful, and I want to achieve more?

Other posters have written about resilience. A resilient person would be more likely to use the second statement.

I've studied this and I align myself to a particular theory related to career decision making and career management skills called Planned Happenstance. I feel this describes it perfectly......
Planned - there has to be some level of career planning which can be which degree you do, where you do it, what jobs you're interim etc.

Happen - this is the luck element. The things we can't control.

Stance - this is a person's attitude and how they deal with change events, things not going to plan etc.

This by Molly Fletcher, ingenious in its simplicity - 10 behaviours within anyone's control, requiring zero talent yet gives the potential for a huge impact on success:

1. Being on time.
2. Strong work ethic.
3. Body language.
4. Being coachable (having a mindset for growth, self-improvement and self-awareness, knowing one's strengths and weaknesses)
5. Doing extra (exceeding expectation)
6. Being prepared.
7. Energy
8. Attitude
9. Effort, commitment

10. Passion

Tell me any of the above is down to luck!