Why are some people successful?

[Gwenhwyfar]

I'd like to get your opinions on why some people are successful (particularly at work, but also in general) and others are unsuccessful. I'm looking for personality types and soft skills rather than hard skills I understand that someone with a masters in a STEM subject might have a better chance of making money than someone with a BA in an Arts subject or just GCSEs, but I'm thinking more of things like being confident, being positive, being sociable and why do you think some people have those qualities and others don't. Is it down to early childhood or are they things that can change throughout our lives?

I'm tired after a 35 hour week, if that 35 hours are spent working hard. I do think it's computer screens. Now I work for myself I work in short bursts. Some people have a shit load of stamina to do one thing for hours and hours and some of us just don't.
That's ok, people are different. Having said that in some way I'm "working" most of the time-I'm thinking about work and planning in my head.
I spent years procrastinating and making random decisions. I have also had some incredible opportunities which I have squandered or run away from.
But every day is a new day and at some point you have to stop looking back and move forward.
I do think luck has a lot to do with getting in the right starting position, but most successful people (in all walks of life) that I know just share a certain need to move forward-they don't rest on their laurels, and they also have an ability to spot opportunity and jump in, even when they are not 100 percent sure of themselves.

IfNot - yes, I think it's all day looking at a screen that makes me tired. I'm sometimes also more tired after a slow day at work, that seems to make me into a bit of a zombie.
In any case, I don't think I'm generally too tired for things, I'm just explaining why I wouldn't be able to (or want to!) do 50 hour weeks or start a business on the side or work through weekends and holidays.

I think you might be bored rather than tired. Boring work saps my energy totally.

Op, if you are a tad fed up with work then that will sap your energy.

I could come home incredibly tired but if somebody offered me a free dinner at Le Manoir I would chuck my glad rags on and wouldn't give the tiredness a second thought.

I saw this the other day and thought it was pretty good for thinking outside of your current remit:-
www.telegraph.co.uk/finance/jobs/11499695/Eight-ways-to-find-the-true-passion-in-life-that-has-eluded-you.html

Thanks Percy. To all those who say I'm negative, I've just seen this
www.bbc.com/future/story/20160809-why-it-pays-to-be-grumpy-and-bad-tempered?fbclid=IwAR32GmfhpNk9RU8CCRgh_dT5xSJES3r9DJnQ6Pvlsj9JjZxqqdeTrYIkzZs

I suffered with terrible headaches when I was a PA and was often grumpy and tired. That's not the real me but the job just got to me in the end.

Do more of the things that lift you up and make you feel positive and less of those that bring you down. Drop the people who make you feel a bit rubbish and spend more time with the people that value you and make you feel good. Little changes done often can go a long way.....

Thanks for posting that link, percypeppers. Ive also ordered the book "what color is your parachute". Im determined to change my life this year!

Percy - I'm actually pretty happy in this job, just not sure what to do next. I did have a job a couple of years ago that really got me down. I remember a friend saying he was almost at the verge of never talking to me again because I was getting intolerable to be around. I'm not that bad now!

Gwen you have defined the criteria that mean success for you. From your other responses though you sound successful in many areas of life.

You are employed, liked and contribute time and energy to good causes. I’m confident that you have many other good qualities.

So, by my reading you are already successful, and you would like to have a more interesting, better paid job. You don’t need to become successful.

Are there aspects of the job that you are really good or really like? If people were to compliment you, what would they say? Is there a common theme? If you can identify those things and find a way to do them more drop the things you don't like/aren't good at you might be able to find a way forward.

I worked incredibly hard as a PA. I rose pretty far up that ladder (working for a CEO) but I felt totally trapped as everyone always assumed I had no ambition beyond that role. I just didn't feel heard. I am naturally quite quiet so tended to blend into the background in a business environment.

After a very long hard look at myself, I decided that I just wanted to do a job that reflected me. I didn't want to try harder or become someone different. I wanted to be me. Everyone always described me as a lovely lady and people always tended to confide in me as I seem to know what to say to make people feel better. I'm very organised, good at helping to keep the team harmony, good at encouraging and motivating people. In the end, I retrained and became an Occupational Therapist in the NHS. It's not perfect but I don't have that feeling that I always had when I was a PA of 'could have done better'.

Do some soul searching. Identify who you really are and research jobs that might be a better fit. Admin is fine for a while but if you are semi-intelligent it's not really a lifelong career.

The harder I practice the luckier I get. Says the famous golf champion Gary Player. . If success looks easy and "lucky" that's because the person is working bloody hard behind the scenes. Have you ever seen a Prima Ballerina, or an athlete at the front of the pack look like they're labouring? No - it looks easy, because they've already invested hours and hours of hard work into making it look easy!

Resilience in bouncing back from challenges.

Flexibility - willingness to consider a Plan B (and having a plan B to move to when Plan A goes tits Up!);

Ability to see the big picture, setting a career path - being able to take more than just a week by week view. Having realistic goals to aim towards.

Not over investing in anything or anyone - including oneself. Don't take yourself or life too seriously. And definitely don't measure everything in monetary terms alone, esp. work. Do some stuff for free, for the hell of it even if you get nothing back. You'll get something back eventually, even if it's self satisfaction.

Success = choice, having options.

Forward planning, confidence and ambition. I went to a corporate inspirational talk thingy and it was incredible to hear how important "big picture" thinking is and visualising what you want. I'm not where I want to be yet, but I can picture it, I believe it, I'm working towards it, and it'll happen.

I think it's all day looking at a screen that makes me tired. I'm sometimes also more tired after a slow day at work, that seems to make me into a bit of a zombie

I used to be really sluggish as my work is all computer work. I took the plunge and got a standing desk and have found it has made a massive difference. I'm a lot more active, alert, and get a lot more work done. Added benefit is that I've lost some weight and the back and joint ache I had for years had completely disappeared.

Luck has a lot more to do with every aspect of life than most people will admit. We all pretty much rely on it. Luck is a very mysterious thing.

Luck has a lot more to do with every aspect of life than most people will admit. We all pretty much rely on it.

Of course, luck has an impact, but it's just one piece of the jigsaw. There are loads of other factors with similar or higher importance. Even people who have suffered severe bad luck can still go on to succeed, and some who've had exceptional good luck go on to fail. Stephen Hawking succeeded despite severe disability, and millionaire lottery winners have ended up bankrupt.

Luck is every part of the jigsaw! From the moment a person is born, your genetic make-up, family, access to education, good mentors, meeting the right people etc etc - all sliding doors. I have been pretty ‘successful’ and I put it all down to luck - and I’m very very grateful!!!

Never kid yourself it’s any other way! Therein lies very entitled behaviour - no you don’t ‘deserve it’. Read a really good Oliver Burkeman article on the subject and absolutely can’t see it any other way.

I think having a supportive family and being raised to have confidence and high self esteem is massively important, as well as a big dose of 'luck'. I don't judge 'success' in financial terms but in how people live their lives - are they happy and fulfilled? The people I know who are happy and fulfilled have all had supportive families, a wide network of friends, a sense of 'belonging' and being part of a community - that brings about the ability to make new friends, build networks etc. We have moved around a lot - I have never had a problem 'fitting in' or making new friends, not because I am anything special, but because I have learned, from my family, how to get along in different situations and have the self confidence to do it. If there is one thing I wish for my DS it is a sense of self worth and confidence.

Totally agree that luck plays a huge part in anyone's success, but there is no denying some people use their luck better than others.

I was lucky to be born in the UK and to benefit from free healthcare, education and free speech. I'm also fortunate to be white.

I was extremely fortunate to survive an accident when others weren't so lucky.

I've also had experiences that could be judged unlucky, but refuse to be defined by these negative events. I'm sure we can all think of people who have not made the best of fortunate circumstances.

I suppose what I'm saying is that to be successful it's not enough to be lucky, you still have to harness your advantages.

Exactly my point- it’s all down to luck.

@Badbadbunny

"Stephen Hawking succeeded despite severe disability"

But he's exceptionally intelligent, which is luck.

" I took the plunge and got a standing desk and have found it has made a massive difference. I'm a lot more active, alert, and get a lot more work done."

I used to work somewhere with a thing you could use to raise your computer so you could stand for a while. Nobody every used it as you would have just looked so ridiculous standing with everyone seated in an open plan office.

To be fair, it is sometimes luck that allows people to be seen as 'successful'. Like managers who have basically just been promoted to that level to get them out of the way. That happens a lot in the company I'm in, hence why I'm trying to leave. Stupid and useless people get promoted over those that are actually competent, just because they have been there x number of years and unless some sort of promotion happens soon there will be issues. I have seen one manager basically have their entire team mutiny against them, they all quit, the manager got given a disciplinary and then months later given a brand new team to screw up. It was a level up into an area they weren't familiar with too.

Also seen many high level workers who are utterly useless at their jobs, and most people assume they got there based on who they know, certainly not what they know (because that appeared to be nothing).

Some companies are just shit though. That one certainly is.

"You are employed, liked and contribute time and energy to good causes. I’m confident that you have many other good qualities. "

Thanks Ali. You've misunderstood some of my points though. I said I've generally been quite well regarded in my jobs (while at the same time often being given less responsibility than others in the same role, so there is a problem somewhere) but I'm not particularly 'liked'. I'm not popular and don't make friends easily.
When I mentioned volunteering, it's not for a charity/good cause, it's activism and comes from my own interests if you see what I mean.

"So, by my reading you are already successful, and you would like to have a more interesting, better paid job. You don’t need to become successful."

By my own definition I'm not successful though.