DP bruised my baby

[Oneinthegrave]

I don’t know how to approach this. DP (DS dad) is very heavy handed. He sometimes hurts me without realising, he’ll go to ‘tickle’ my sides while im cooking or something but digs his fingers in my sides so hard it hurts and then kicks off if i say something because he was ‘trying to have a laugh’.

Yesterday my 16 month old son needed his nappy changing and was over tired because we’d been visiting family and he’d missed his nap. He was crying and trying to get away (nothing new) and DP was holding onto his legs. I didn’t know at the time how hard he was holding him but my son was sobbing and I had to take over because DP was getting angry.

Today i’ve noticed my son has a bruise on his leg where DP was holding him, it’s a greyish bruise probably double the size of DP’s thumb. I know he wouldnt intentionally do this to our son but I have to tell him what’s happened so it doesn’t happen again, but I need to word it in a way so that he doesn’t get defensive and kick off.

What would you say to him??

Well done OP. That is a good response. I could never have had that conversation with my ex as it wouldn't have gone well, so l feel this is really positive

OP - infant bones are very soft and don’t ‘fracture’ in the way more mature bones fracture. He could possibly have a greenstick or bend fracture, you need to get this checked out.

if he gets angry and kicks off when you tell him he is hurting you or his child then he is potentially very dangerous.
This raises so many concerns for me. I have been there.

This has been a really weird thread, i think there is way more to this then you've said op.

What nonibaloni said is right. A tiny fingertip bruise would be expected from restraining a child too hard eg to stop them running in the road. That is a whopper and was intended to hurt as a punishment or to make the child afraid. Please report today, social services will support you, perhaps reccomended a parenting assessment for dp.

Crying when found out or pulled up - yup that's what abusers do.

I'm glad you showed him and talked about it all with him calmly and he appears to have realised that he needs to check himself.

Op, I totally get you. Sometimes people make mistakes and would be completely devastated if they knew they had harmed, like dp
Of course if this is something he was aware of or would imply that it didn't matter, you would need to take appropriate steps to protect ds.
Some pp went a bit overboard with jumping the gun, it was a complete mistake which I understand from your first post
Op you did the right thing

Don't worry everyone, because OP has re-badged physical abuse by a nasty bully on a defenceless child as 'being a bit boisterous'.

Oh, that's all jolly then. Fuck sakes. You make my blood boil.

OP, you're a prat (sorry). You need to take your son and run. RUN away from that man before he severely injures or kills your child.

How in God's name can you think that talking to him is going to make any difference, you know it won't, and what then?!

Welcome to a long future with SS OP because that's where you're headed although of course if he just kills the child or severely disables it, you can skip SS as it will go straight to court won't it, and be one of those awful awful stories we read about where babies are killed by nasty abusive males of the family.

Is this shocking you OP? I fucking hope it is because I cannot believe that you are not acting on this golden opportunity when that abusive cunt is asleep, to get out of the house with your child and make him safe. Deluded. For me, upon leaving the house I'd be straight to the police to show them the bruise and make a statement.

But of course, that's up to you... just stay with him until the next injury... good plan.

I think you need to get it checked out to be safe

I find this post terrifying. The fact you waited for him to get out of bed, the fact you fretted over how to tell him about the bruise and his reaction. If my dh did this to our dc hell would freeze over before he'd get near him again.

Well done op. Just keep vigilant, though you shouldn't have to

People make mistakes
Why would you report this to SS
This was a complete mistake
OP you did the right thing

Are you people for real, seriously?!?

Just keep vigilant

OH. MY. FUCKING. GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Bruising a vulnerable baby on a changing mat is not a 'mistake'.

He’ll try. Wow that’s big of him. Nobody should have to try to stop themselves from hurting their baby.

I fully expected him to cry when he was confronted to. As the op said, that’s what abusers do.

Pack a bag OP, leave it with a friend or relative you can trust. I feel this isn’t the end of the story by a mile.

No Jilted and sadly, it's OPs baby that will pay the price . It will be a totally avoidable further injury (at best).

he’s said he will in future try harder to calm himself while our sons trying to get away.

Was he angry then?!

Please get the baby checked out. Not to is extremely negligent

Well done op for talking to him. I think he may not be able to help himself however. If you are not leaving you must not leave your child alonewith him. Eyes like a hawk. I still think you should report to gp or health visitor, his reaction may be tactical to defuse the situation. If he is genuine he could use parenting classes. Or you can go to a and e to check baby over.
You obviously know what you should do if this happens again (which could be too late btw), good luck, no one should be afraid at Xmas.

The fact you waited for him to get out of bed, the fact you fretted over how to tell him about the bruise and his reaction.

Yep this. The Op is breathing a sigh of relief because she got the 'right' reaction this time and can't see the bigger issue is that she's walking on eggshells.

I am a SW and have worked along with the police in child protection. This sort of scenario happened a lot. A child with a large bruise which turns out was caused by a parent being too rough with them. It was one of these things where the police could not act as there was no intent to harm but where SS could become involved to support and monitor the family so they were under no illusion that this behaviour and way of handling children is unacceptable.

OP you be deemed the protective parent as you are not the one who has harmed your child. If you do not trust him not to hurt you or your child in the future you really need to leave.

I despair at the people saying well done to the OP. I can guarantee none of you have lived with an abusive partner. The OP is scared of him, that comes through so clearly. And there will be so much more to this than has been admitted to. OP please tell us what he does when he 'kicks off'. I think it will help you in the longer term if you can bring yourself to write it down, even if you cant actually post it on here.

I knew he'd come up with an apology, it's what they do. And that's not me projecting, and coming up with a theory that he is abusive because my XH was. It's reading what the OP has written. And not written.

So many red flags. OP as a parent you must put your DS first. There is a thread on here at the moment about women putting their partner before their DC. Please read it.
And for all those saying that people are being ridiculous telling OP to leave etc maybe they should read the thread too.

i wouldnt worry about kicking off actually. I think this is worth kicking off for

Say I want a word with you. Ive told you a bloody hundred times youre too heavy handed, you hurt me, youre rough, and now the baby has a massive fucking bruise from a NAPPY CHANGE. You are a brute and if this ever happens again, you will be out.

If he kicks off, kick him out anyway