DP bruised my baby

[Oneinthegrave]

I don’t know how to approach this. DP (DS dad) is very heavy handed. He sometimes hurts me without realising, he’ll go to ‘tickle’ my sides while im cooking or something but digs his fingers in my sides so hard it hurts and then kicks off if i say something because he was ‘trying to have a laugh’.

Yesterday my 16 month old son needed his nappy changing and was over tired because we’d been visiting family and he’d missed his nap. He was crying and trying to get away (nothing new) and DP was holding onto his legs. I didn’t know at the time how hard he was holding him but my son was sobbing and I had to take over because DP was getting angry.

Today i’ve noticed my son has a bruise on his leg where DP was holding him, it’s a greyish bruise probably double the size of DP’s thumb. I know he wouldnt intentionally do this to our son but I have to tell him what’s happened so it doesn’t happen again, but I need to word it in a way so that he doesn’t get defensive and kick off.

What would you say to him??

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend best username ever!

Not quite the first time incident that she has inferred it was, and presumably the 'understanding' and 'insight' OP has 'gained' probably isn't real as she's received support before and has waited (at least one hopes this has been the defining catalyst) until her child actually got hurt before she did anything...

Perhaps in naivety, I hadn’t checked the OPs previous thread and had read it that this was the first incident.

Let’s hope that now her child has been hurt she stays away from him for good, otherwise she is complicit in the abuse.

There’s always a last time, no matter how many times you leave before. Make it this one OP, I know you can do it.

Sorry about the errors I'm half way through. Bottle of wine...

It should definitely warrant a referral as red flags raised, just not one that fits the EDT criteria, hence my posts

Really Haud? My 17 year old took 11 anti-histamine and 48 hours later went to A&E to check herself out in case she had caused damage because she absolutely didn't want to.

Cue, referral to SS, overnight admission with a 1:1 MH nurse for emergency CAMHS admission. A&E didn't call me for 4 hours

DD had been refused CAMHS care previously hence she had a consultant psychiatrist privately who the dept cd have phoned if they'd contacted me befor 5.50pm. We went home that night after an mh assessment available to 16+'s but the nurses and paed consultant didn't know.

After another 4 hours I said we were going if they didn't get their act together andcwas then yelled at publicly by the ED sister "that I was obstructing my dd's care and harming her and she'd call the police if we left". Cons called swiftly, conflab with mh person and we then left swiftly.

Who knows what goes through the minds of some of the wombats in A&E.

PS - CAMHS did bugger all btw. Didn't meet SS threshold.

The system has become very frightening due to compounded incompetence.

Just a few posts ago Mumsnet came on to say troll hunting isn't allowed. Have suspicions then report.

It's not allowed so I don't know why Mumsnet don't ban people for doing so.

Thats a bit different Rose, not remotely related to the OP issue, it sounds as if your dd was crying out for help, id also have made a referral, but have no say in CAHMS criteria.

And yes the system is overworked hence why i am not an "ex"

*now

OhTheRoses that's a completely and utterly different scenario.

A&E didn't call me for 4 hours

They couldn't until they had your DDs permission.

Yes it is different but it illustrates perfectly the fact that A&E depts don't always do what they should, when they should.

Yes I agree they needed dd's permission which they would have got much more quickly if they had set out with clarity what her options were.

Is anyone able to summarise what happened in OPs recent post without any identifying details/the cause of what made the post deleted.

If I recall it may have been too identifying in regards to her leaving her partner and where she has gone!

Ahhh, fair enough

Only read the first page - so if this is a drip feed I may be entirely wrong - but dear lord I have never seen such an over reaction!

😲 I’m a long time user and still shocked by MN on this thread. The OP says DP is ‘heavy handed’ and a big bloke. Child is screaming trying to wriggle away and he’s held onto him a bit too tightly and left a small bruise!

THAT IS NOT DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

I accidentally gave my 6 year old niece a bruise whilst swinging her around in the park the other day holding onto her tightly (whilst she laughed and screamed in excitment begging me to go faster) - should I be reported???

I’m guessing the only reason no one has thought of that is because I’m a woman 🤔

If this had been a mother saying she felt guilty as left a bruise whilst trying to restrain a shit covered toddler - there would be nothing but support and ‘you didn’t mean to, these things happen’

Honestly - get a sodding grip!!!

@KnightlyMyMan rtft

Hope you’re okay, op. Haven’t seen the update due to the deletion but looks like it’s a positive one

Knightly don't be that idiot who admits they haven't rtft therefore any advice is totally irrelevant

Knightly you've come across as a bit of a clown tbh! 😂

Knightly - the issue isnt really this bruise, it's the OPs fear because of her DPs poor reaction to having this shit pointed out to him. He isnt remorseful, he's aggressive and makes OP feel too scared to speak up.

Knightly shes already now kicked out her partner and social services are involved.
If you try and say steady on a minute, youll be jumped on, while the tricoteuse will have moved on to the next thread by tommorow.

Knightly don't be that idiot who admits they haven't rtft therefore any advice is totally irrelevant
Too late!

Hope you're doing ok OP