DP bruised my baby

[Oneinthegrave]

I don’t know how to approach this. DP (DS dad) is very heavy handed. He sometimes hurts me without realising, he’ll go to ‘tickle’ my sides while im cooking or something but digs his fingers in my sides so hard it hurts and then kicks off if i say something because he was ‘trying to have a laugh’.

Yesterday my 16 month old son needed his nappy changing and was over tired because we’d been visiting family and he’d missed his nap. He was crying and trying to get away (nothing new) and DP was holding onto his legs. I didn’t know at the time how hard he was holding him but my son was sobbing and I had to take over because DP was getting angry.

Today i’ve noticed my son has a bruise on his leg where DP was holding him, it’s a greyish bruise probably double the size of DP’s thumb. I know he wouldnt intentionally do this to our son but I have to tell him what’s happened so it doesn’t happen again, but I need to word it in a way so that he doesn’t get defensive and kick off.

What would you say to him??

He's clutching at straws. Can your dad help?if not contact police . DO NOT stay with him 2 more days. Something in your favour needs to happen tonight

It is not illegal to take drugs but is illegal to be in possession of them.

I’m in bed now absolutely devastated, apparently he’s been faking good sex for years, he’s not been attracted to me since i gave birth and is disgusted with how much weight ive put on since we got together (about 3 stone to be fair) the good thing is that he’s said so many hurtful things to me just now that i know I can’t be with this man any longer i feel like he’s ripped the plaster off fast for me and any loving feelings have just gone. I feel so empty.

It was the actual second the emergency social workers left that he switched! He’s told me I’m vindictive and its no wonder my real mum abused me because I’m hard to love as an adult he cant imagine how annoying I was as a child.

I hate threads like this but i genuinely dont have any friends and my dads (actually my foster dad) on holiday so not ruining that for him with details

Emergency social workers did not ask him to leave the house why would i lie

Agree with PP.

So get him to leave! And if he won't, call the police!!! For goodness sake, I know it's Christmas and all, but you need to take steps to protect your son. And let's be honest, if he's saying that to you on top of everything else...

Call the police, dp bruises baby and is being verbally abusive, you’re scared and have nowhere to go.

Op. If you had attended hospital and given them the same reasons for the bruising to your baby, that would have triggered a MASH report.

If emergency sw's attended your home and you told them the truth, your partner would have been asked to leave your home for an initial period of two weeks whilst they conducted their investigations...

So sorry op you are doing what's best for you and DS, does DSS live with you both or just with you over Christmas?

Get him to leave if possible. Keep you and your son safe. Sorry you are going through this.

OP, I understand that you want to fake it for the kids, but this is actually playing into his version of events. Does no one have a spare key to your dad's? Can your partner go somewhere else?

You will do what you feel is best, but bear in mind that your "faking it" Christmas may be used against you in court to show that your allegations are nonsense.

Social services will follow different processes in different part of the country, and may well have been running an emergency duty service today rather than usual duty team who will be doing something different all together. What OP has said is entirely plausible.

OP - you need to call the police, advise them he has bruised your child and is now being threatening and abusive. Ask for him to be removed from your property. If they won't you need to pick little one up and walk away - hotel, refuge for a few days, ring your dad - any where but with him.
You need to call your DSS's other parent and tell them what has happened so they can make an informed choice about how safeguard their child.

SS will have absolutely no interest in you having smoked weed once honestly! Costs hundreds - sometimes over a thousand - to test hair and that would show reasonable levels of repeated use not a one off.

Sending you a big unmumsnetty hug I know this must all feel phenomenally sh!t

I'm not comfortable with the fact that he can read this thread. He may not have his phone right now but he only has to go to Mumsnet on another device. I think you should name change and make a new thread.

We went to the walk in centre, was seen initially by a male doctor who said it seemed fine, was then asked to wait again and then spoke to a female HCP unsure wether doctor, told her it was accidental but because he was getting fustrated. The doctor had said DS was fine but i told the woman what posters said about it could be fractured and she said for my peace of mind they will check. We went straight to unit 18 and they got him straight in. The xray was in his leg only, i saw the xray it was only the leg and crotch area. We then went home and a few hours later two emergency social workers came, went through what happened again in alot of detail, saw DS and DP interacting, said everything seems ok for now, enjoy Christmas and they’ll see us after well our local ones and get a worker assigned to visit regular, speak to our health visitor and see about the perpetrator programme for DP. I was left numbers to call in the meantime. I’m not lying i’ve spent my Christmas eve worried sick about everything. Im going to sleep now anyway thanks for the support

What is relationship with his other son and her mum like?
Get out of there op, he's blaming you, it was all crocodile tears
Go to your foster dad and be cared for. Don't tell him, just do it. Contact social services on Thursday. Best wishes

Christmascrumbs i havent been told about any such report, and the emergency social workers didn’t ask him to leave

OP, please be the advocate for your child. Get the fuck out of there. Even if it means staying with family etc, your baby cannot defend himself against a vile bully.

If he starts again before you leave, record the conversation so that you can play it back and remember exactly what was said, you may be able to use it as evidence (don't quote me)

You both deserve better

I have one child that bruises easily and I’ve had to pin him down to change nappies, as has my DH. He has really tried hard to escape the nappy change (!) but never got a bruise. That does look quite bad. I’d be really worried if my child got that from a nappy change.

One if he’s turned in you as soon as the SW left you need to get out as soon as possible to protect yourself and your son. If he won’t leave you need to soeak to your Dad. I’m sure he’ll help you.

The nasty things your partner said aren’t true.

You need to get away.

Ok op. Any incident involving a child that has potentially been at risk is referred to a MASH - a multi agency safeguarding hub. This means that a risk has flagged up, and this will involve the police, Children's Services, education (I know your ds it too young for any education provider to be involved), health care provider, etc etc etc.

This means that Children's Services will be alerted (or ss as they used to be referred to as). This means that you basically have flagged up. You need to step up, get rid of him, show you are putting measures in place to protect your son, whether their fears are valid or not. You have already had a visit from the out of hours team.

In my experience, they will ask your partner to be away from the family home for at least two weeks (some have said that's not how it works in their area, fair enough, just trying to give you a picture of what happened in my case). Basically, in simple terms, you need to get rid. Of your 'partner'.

I literally have no one but my foster dad i cant get into his house til the early afternoon on 27th when he’ll be back theres no spare key. I wont be able to get a hotel because it’s Christmas the price would be astronomical and I’ve only got my wages most of which has been spent on Christmas as we’re not well off, no savings. I have no choice but to stay here until at least boxing day as i’m going to ring the number the emergency social workers left and see if there’s anywhere temp we can go just for a day. I don’t want to be here and i dont want DS here any longer than we have to

My dd was xrayed without sedation in my local A&E it was for a suspected foreign body (metal nut).
I also have had SS input and mental health input when I was with her dad. He had a psychotic break and has a voice in his head telling him he would rape her when she was older (heavy porn use). She was 18 months old. He was also offered the perpetrators course and SS made no moves to remove him. I threw him out and then they assessed that he posed a risk of sexual harm to her and should not have unsupervised contact.
As there hadn’t been any actual harm they wouldn’t help facilitate access and they closed the case! Police were also involved and did welfare checks for a while.

He has shown his true colours, I am sorry but also in a way you are lucky that the harm to your ds is minimal and you’ve been able to act before anything more traumatic may have happened. Be safe.