Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

Flowers for Christmas from new boyfriend.

214 replies

seriouslypanicking · 20/12/2018 14:47

What would you think if you got a bunch of flowers from someone you’ve been dating for a year.

My oh just gave me flowers from the internetthey arrived today but the way he’s been messaging me the past week leaving me clues and made it appear I was getting Crown Jewels or something a bit more than flowers.

I’m well aware I appear like a spoilt brat but he’s going away to his family today so I know that’s all he’s bothered to get me. Whereas I spent quite a bit of time and thought on his present. Feeling a bit deflated to be honest.

I can almost feel the grow up comments coming in already as I type this and I’d say the same, but this guy is now sulking because I apparently didn’t congratulate him on his really thoughtful gift enough so now I’m somehow in the doghouse.

For further info I received them alone and opened them up straight away put them in a vase and sent a photo thanking him to say there were lovely.

OP posts:
CatnissEverdene · 23/12/2018 20:37

My mum is a florist OP and those flowers are worth £15 tops, even at this time of year.

They are a really "impersonal" present tbh. Just says that he doesn't know you very well.

You sound like you've dodged a bullet tbh.

Original poster
seriouslypanicking · 23/12/2018 20:38

I replied that “I’m not a mind reader and didn’t know you’d been sick. If you would have answered your phone you could have told me.

I hope your feeling better now though. “

And left it at that. Definitely no jewellery in the flowers, which are now mostly dead on a side note.

OP posts:
OhLemons · 23/12/2018 21:10

So much drama over a bunch of flowers!

I can't work out why he was getting so excited about sending you tulips??!!

Even if they're you're favourite flowers, how happy did he think they would make you? You'd think he'd sent a ring with a proposal attached with the drama he's creating!

PerverseConverse · 23/12/2018 21:11

Why are you still engaging with him?? Abusive men like him will wheedle their way back in via guilt. Don't fall for it. I doubt he was ill and it's irrelevant anyway. Stay strong and tell him it's over so you can start afresh with your life without this manchild in it.

BlingLoving · 23/12/2018 21:14

What I can't work out is did his first email (the "lame ass" one) come in response to an email from you in which you said you didn't think flowers were much of a Christmas present? It all seems a bit odd. You thank him, attempt to call and then there's this email? And then the second email which is also just odd because how were you supposed to know any of this?

It may be that he thinks sending flowers from the US is a big deal but frankly, he needs to realise it's the 21st century. My 80-year old dad is perfectly capable of ordering flowers online and sending them to me in another country.

I wouldn'tt want to end a relationship over a bunch of flowers, but the whole thing is just so weird that I can see why you're not that keen to stay together right now.

frazzledasarock · 23/12/2018 21:24

That email is odd, unless you’ve missed out your responses.

According to your pp’s you thanked him immediately on receiving the flowers and sent him a picture of them, called him in the morning but he told you to go enjoy breakfast.

According to his email he received no mention of the flowers at all.

He sounds like he’s either just attempting to gaslight you to make himself sound amazing or actually no other suggestion. Except he’s a big fat liar and you should just block him now as he’s being ridiculous.

stabulous · 23/12/2018 21:29

I'm not a fan of flowers for two reasons:

  1. They're gonna die.
  2. You can order them online with bugger all thought whatsoever and it's a generic gift.

Whenever I gift something for someone, I want it to be personalised and something I've put thought into as in getting them something i know will be special to them. Flowers just wouldn't be a gift i buy for someone unless I specifically know they love getting them. So frankly I'm not surprised you feel let down, but I'd probably feel the same because anyone who knows me well enough know I don't like cut flowers. I like them in the ground where they can grow, or in the form of a plant so I can nurture them.

If he's been with you for a year, he really should know your likes better.

ChodeofChodeHall · 23/12/2018 21:29

From here everything is mute

OMG, I'm embarrassed for him Blush

lottiegarbanzo · 23/12/2018 21:31

He's right though, isn't he Chode! as an ex, he's been muted.

C0untDucku1a · 23/12/2018 21:46

Oh dear lord block him. Move on.

And also to @generalexpert stop being a dick to your wife. You might not see the importance in gifts but your wife does, and after twnety years you know this and you know it upsets her. Why not just put the thought and effort in and buy her somehing she would like. Why are you trying to ruin your wife’s christmas just because you dont see the value in receiving a gift? Stop upsetting your wife.

Sparrowlegs248 · 23/12/2018 21:50

He needs to calm.down a bit over a bunch of tulips! Why so excited??

yikesanotherbooboo · 23/12/2018 21:51

Flowers and chocolate require no thought and are short lived. They are nice ( usually) but die or get eaten and that's it. One gives them to one's hostess because one doesn't know them well personally and because it's a gesture rather than a heartfelt gift.
I am generally not bothered by presents eg happy with a new frying pan , but would struggle to feel super grateful for a bouquet of flowers however elaborate.

milkandpancakes · 23/12/2018 21:55

Agree with PP who said his mask has slipped... Revealing a batshit crazy, abusive manchild. The emails and messages are just ShockShockShock. Block him and don't give him another thought OP, he's dreadful. Have a special Christmas with your DS. Thanks

OliviaBenson · 23/12/2018 22:00

Op, your last reply.....why?! Why aren't you handing his arse to him? You need to dump him and run.

Jack65 · 23/12/2018 22:00

I hate texts

JillScarlet · 23/12/2018 22:23

Flowers are a gesture, not a present.
A fabulous gesture, and lovely to get, but really?

He is hard work and weird at best. The over-reaction to a joke was an early signal.

What bizarre behaviour. He tells you you must not send a ‘lecturing’ e mail and then sends you a pompous Witness Statement if your supposed crimes, talking about you in tne third person!

Will you dump him from a distance, or wait til he returns? Give him a detailed account as to where he has gone wrong or slip out silently?

I’d love to know why / how his previous relationships ended.

Original poster
seriouslypanicking · 23/12/2018 22:44

Thankyou for these replies. I was having a wobble today so came on to read all your previous messages.

He did say there was no mention of a thanks, I screenshot my text exchange with him and there’s been no oh sorry I was wrong.

Just this character assassination email. I haven’t engaged at all this was obviously him stewing about it all and felt the need to get it off his chest. I agree he’s very weird over all this for a bunch of flowers.
I’ve not had a reply other than to say he was out for dinner with friends Confused I’d not asked but ok.

If he tries o get in touch I will tell him exactly what I think of him but right now I’m wrapping ds’s presebts up and we have a lovely day planned tomorrow that I’m looking forward to instead. Thanks all though I need to see it’s not just me and these replies are making my opinion feel validated!

OP posts:
Fleabag123 · 23/12/2018 23:25

Please don’t be wobbly, you are absolutely right to ignore his mad ramblings and enjoy your Christmas with your son.

Truly bizarre behaviour from him but you are not here to ego massage or train him to be a better man

PerverseConverse · 23/12/2018 23:43

Not dumped him then Hmm

butterfly56 · 23/12/2018 23:47

Read Lundy Bancroft "Why Does He Do That?" over the holidays it will give you some idea on what you've been dealing with.

It's time to move on OP...you deserve so much better than this man child in your life....he's an awful role model for your DS. Flowers

Krankypants · 23/12/2018 23:55

Please, please, please give yourself a very important Christmas present.

Completely block this person from your life and do not entertain any more discussion of any kind.

He is an absolute psycho and at best you are allowing him to keep fucking with your confidence and self esteem. At worst you are giving him a way to continue eroding your perception of events until he regains control over you.

You will regret it if you don’t take your chance to escape right now.

TinselAndKnickers · 24/12/2018 00:15

Oh will you just block the bastard?! I’ve been lurking but pleeaaaaase can you, he’s not very Christmassy Xmas Grin

A shite present from a shite, cheesy and manipulative wanker. He sounds like he’s in a 1980s sitcom about teen kids at high school, not a serious boyfriend. At least you’ll be entering 2019 a free woman!

OliviaBenson · 24/12/2018 06:01

But you are engaging with him by sending him screen shots and texting him with “I’m not a mind reader and didn’t know you’d been sick. If you would have answered your phone you could have told me. I hope your feeling better now though. “

You are being far too nice to him and almost apologetic. Why haven't you dumped him? You are worth waaaay more than this. Don't let him reel you in with his bullshit. His texts are really quite disturbing.

NotANotMan · 24/12/2018 06:18

Chill out folks, let's ease off the pressure to immediately dump and block ok? OP will work it out in her own time and doesn't owe us a resolution

Zevitevitchofcwsmas · 24/12/2018 07:32

I cannot belive the stress and issues a bunch of tulips has caused you poor thing.

On a side note I do feel this man is un hinged. I'm sorry if that offends anyone but I totally concur with earlier posts that's he's got potential to be emotionally abusive.