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Original poster

Flowers for Christmas from new boyfriend.

214 replies

seriouslypanicking · 20/12/2018 14:47

What would you think if you got a bunch of flowers from someone you’ve been dating for a year.

My oh just gave me flowers from the internetthey arrived today but the way he’s been messaging me the past week leaving me clues and made it appear I was getting Crown Jewels or something a bit more than flowers.

I’m well aware I appear like a spoilt brat but he’s going away to his family today so I know that’s all he’s bothered to get me. Whereas I spent quite a bit of time and thought on his present. Feeling a bit deflated to be honest.

I can almost feel the grow up comments coming in already as I type this and I’d say the same, but this guy is now sulking because I apparently didn’t congratulate him on his really thoughtful gift enough so now I’m somehow in the doghouse.

For further info I received them alone and opened them up straight away put them in a vase and sent a photo thanking him to say there were lovely.

OP posts:
Insomnibrat · 22/12/2018 07:15

Oh and those flowers aren't good enough for your first Christmas together, on their own, no.

LadyGAgain · 22/12/2018 07:19

Urgh I despise tight people. And whilst those flowers are nice they aren't "our first Christmas wow I love you a lot" nice. And his email is awful. I would honestly run for the hills. You don't want to spend your life with a man who 1) thinks these flowers are generous and 2) expects some sort of thank you performance for his efforts. Invite him to stay with his family in America. Permanently.

Fairylightfurore · 22/12/2018 07:31

Maybe he thought your 'well done on remembering tulips are my favourite flowers' was a bit patronising, or maybe he's seen this thread, or maybe you accidentally sent him a message complaining about him meant for a friend? If none of the above then I am not sure what he wanted from you.

BlueUggs · 22/12/2018 07:34

Omg, he sounds like an absolute twat!!!

They really aren't all that and I'd be seriously fucked off if that was all I got.

It's not about the money - I'd rather have a book by an author I liked or something very small and cheap, like a mixed tape usb that he'd spent plenty of thought on!!

I'd tell him to jog on, which it seems you have. Well done!!

costacoffeecup · 22/12/2018 07:38

I think he must have seen the thread? Can't understand his reaction otherwise, sounds like you thanked him very graciously. Otherwise he's an absolute arse.

Iloveacurry · 22/12/2018 07:40

I think you’ve had a lucky escape. Just leave it now and don’t contact him again.

Whisky2014 · 22/12/2018 07:47

Lucky escape op. Even if he comes crawling back, don't take him back!!

sollyfromsurrey · 22/12/2018 08:09

I'd be interested in knowing exactly what sort of 'thank you' he would have been hoping for. What actually would he think was appropriate?

JillScarlet · 22/12/2018 08:17

Weird.
Do the advance clues match the gift?
Does the message in the card reference something else? I.e is the whole thing a clue to something you have missed?

Original poster
seriouslypanicking · 22/12/2018 08:20

Ok so the plot thickens, he got my friend involved in this too. He asked her where to get decent flowers over the internet in Britain from, he had wanted to send them closer to Christmas Day but somehow he did it earlier - she has told me all this not him!

He emailed and asked if he was correct that tulips were my favourite and she said es then asked for advice on where to get nice ones so she sent him a list of companies in Britain. I sent her the photo of them in the box and she called me immediately to say she was so sorry but they were not on the list of bouquets she gave him and she sent me the list she did give him so he at least went off and found his own.

I just dont get this, to go from what we've had the past year to this display of acting as a child would, im so confused right now!!

I gave him his to take with him so he didnt open it in front of me. and as someone else mentioned above I too think hes gone on the defensive because I put effort into his. I wanted to get it back and get my money back at first but my friend talked me into leaving it and letting him open it so see what a real present should look like at christmas and let him feel guilty.

Even if he does feel guilty Im not entirely sure I care anymore after this, Im massively turned off by him. the only thing about my christmas thats ruined is the fact ive wasted the money on him, other than that I feel lucky to have escaped all this in person to be honest. Ive not emailed since yesterday morning and have had nothing back.

I looked up narcissist - wow, never has a description fitted someone so well! thank you all for giving me the confidence to realise not to be a doormat!

OP posts:
Original poster
seriouslypanicking · 22/12/2018 08:21

oh and I told my friend I wished she'd told me he was just getting me flowers, I wouldn't have gone to so much effort if id have known, but as she said she truly thought it was just part of a bigger gift.

It definitely isn't though. unless you count the gift of freedom

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 22/12/2018 08:24

Blimy, I love ve getting flowers more than anything. Maybe he meant them for meWink.
But your Thankyou sounded good? Don’t see the problem there at all.
I can’t imagine what a more frilly Thankyou might look like. How odd.

Ohyesiam · 22/12/2018 08:26

Sorry just saw your update Shock

MrsSpenserGregson · 22/12/2018 08:26

I've just read your update. The gift of freedom huh?! Flowers (not meant ironically!)

Cookit · 22/12/2018 08:31

Gosh, what a strange development - do people really need so much help ordering flowers online?
Anyway it’s obviously not about the present. My DP upstages me every year and he’s just naturally better at this stuff than me. But that’s not the point, it’s the very strange and repellent behaviour afterwards.

The only thing that would be really making me angry right now if I were you would be that if you break up he’s going to forever tell people that it’s because you were greedy and weren’t satisfied with your Christmas present when obviously that is NOT the issue here!

JamieFraser · 22/12/2018 08:32

Any chance he's trying to orchestrate a break over Christmas so he can do what he likes on holiday without feeling guilty?....

clarazabel · 22/12/2018 08:40

Oh I've had worse from my OH, I've probably given worse too - If he's lovely most of the time and treats you good cut him a bit of slack, some of the biggest t**ts in the world probably give the best xmas gifts x

SleepingStandingUp · 22/12/2018 08:40

All that effort for a gorgeous bouquet like up thread, fine
All that effort for supermarket tulips, some pine cones and a bland case? No.

I wonder if your mates links were too expensive?

PerverseConverse · 22/12/2018 08:57

Glad you've dumped him. Massive red flag with the sulking and attitude.

woollyheart · 22/12/2018 09:00

He seems very strange. You said thank you. I'm not sure how he could expect anyone to be more delighted with just a few tulips & chocs. That is what I still send mother of my ex on Mother's Day.

I expect he feels guilty that he has been a bit of a cheapskate. And is trying to deflect blame from himself.

NotANotMan · 22/12/2018 09:05

He asked your friend for advice on where to order flowers?! Weird.
This can't be the first example of him being a weirdo can it?

OneStepMoreFun · 22/12/2018 09:09

This thread is so eye opening. I would have loved to get fresh flowers delivered from a boyfriend of one year. To him, sending flowers to a woman is obviously a massive statement of interest. He put lots of thought and time into choosing the right ones, got your friend on board. Some men are scared of what flowers represent. I once went out with a man who arrived at the airport to meet me with a bouquet f flowers hidden in a black bin bag, he was so self conscious of looking like a cliche. (He was lovely and I thought that was very funny)

You're both sulking. He's gutted that what he thought was a huge romantic gesture has been cooly recieved and you're sulking because you think he hasn't made an effort.

Lifeofsmiley · 22/12/2018 09:11

The flowers as the gift wouldn’t bother me but his attitude towards you not thanking him would piss me off. A grown man sulking because he wasn’t shown enough gratitude. Fuck that.

PerverseConverse · 22/12/2018 09:17

@OneStepMoreFun have you read the bit where she sent him a photo and thanked him and he went in a strop because she didn't thank him enough and then started ignoring her?? Red flags from him.

Original poster
seriouslypanicking · 22/12/2018 09:18

There was another time when he took a joke badly and over reacted quite a bit, I forget what the actual words were but I remember at the time thinking if I told my friends what I’d said and how he acted they would tell me to leave him - this was around 2-3 months ago and it only happens through text where he reads it wrong. When we’re together we’re conpletely normal and fine, laugh and joke as a normal couple would do.

This has thrown me slightly but I’m getting on with my life and Christmas and trying not to dwell on the fact I’ve had the rug pulled completely from me. I have a 6 year old son who acts in a more grown up way than this man did.

Thankfully I was careful about introducing them so my son won’t know any different now he won’t be around.

I take on board the comments saying judge him on the rest of the year but I think after this I’ll always be waiting for the next incident like this to happen.
Thanks for all your posts

OP posts:
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