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Original poster

I am on the verge of having an affair

283 replies

WhattheheckamIdoing · 19/12/2018 15:34

I am ready to be flamed, I know I deserve it.

I am on the verge of starting an affair with a married colleague. I know this is wrong, I know lots of pain will come from it and I feel guilty about his wife and children.

We have only had a (few) drunken snogs after the office Christmas party. We left the party separately at different times and met at my place. At the party we just couldn't get away from each other so it was getting dangerous. I was adamant that we should not get into proper sexual territory as that would be an even more slippery slope. We agreed on that.

I think we are both pretty infatuated with each other, but we need to draw a line and stop this madness. His wife also works for the same company and the consequences on his family and my career would be tragic if this became a full-blown affair.

I don't know why I am posting here. I can't tell anyone in real life so maybe I just needed to write it. I am on the verge of having an affair. I hope I'll have the strength to control myself.

OP posts:
EleanorRigbey · 19/12/2018 21:52

Can I ask what age are you? Is he older?

Do you think nobody noticed that you were spending most of the Xmas party together? Do you believe no one notices at work? Do you believe that you are not flirtin?

Don’t do it to yourself! He is not worth it.

CaroloftheBalls · 19/12/2018 21:56

Why is no one saving their ire for the husband? Confused

OP is single.

Neverunderfed · 19/12/2018 22:03

Because the OP started the thread, and is willingly walking into an affair. What good would slating some random dickhead do? Unless you think he hangs around MN...

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
alansleftfoot · 19/12/2018 22:05

So it's OK to shag married men and still work with their wife, as long as you're single ???!! Hmm

Original poster
WhattheheckamIdoing · 19/12/2018 22:13

Eleanor I am 29 and he is 43.

OP posts:
roundaboutthetown · 19/12/2018 22:20

OP - you are both just getting off on the excitement of fucking about under his wife's nose. You do not feel guilty - that much is flaming obvious. You got pissed at a Christmas party and are now fantasising about it, because you clearly don't have enough happening in your life, otherwise.

disneyprincess87 · 19/12/2018 22:27

If you knew the pain of what I'm feeling when your husband leaves you and your children and you're wondering if there's someone else you wouldn't consider this. If you could walk in shoes for even a day and realise what I have to put up with you would be ashamed of yourself for having even snogged him.

You've ready had an affair with him. You need to delete his number, avoid him at work and imagine how your friends and family would feel if they knew you'd done this and are considering more.

There's a wife and kids involved.

EleanorRigbey · 19/12/2018 22:37

WhattheheckamIdoingI partially guessed the ages. I hate to say but he is the prime age to be flattered by a younger woman showing interest in him.

You say it will affect your career? Is he senior to you?

You need to go cold turkey with this guy, you will ruin your career, even though he is the married one and causing the most detrimental damage you will not escape the fallout.

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/12/2018 22:41

OP you can stop this.
Look ahead 5 years; how do you want your life to be?
There are three possible scenarios as far as I can see.
Firstly he never leaves his wife and you come to your senses at some point with your self esteem shot.
Secondly the affair is exposed, you are humiliated and your career damaged which is all too much to sustain a relationship with MM and you split up.
Thirdly you get together and fall in love but because of what happened MM has a fraught relationship with his children and ex so that this becomes the main

yikesanotherbooboo · 19/12/2018 22:43

Sorry; main talking point and issue in your marriage ... for ever.
Get a new job OP and treat yourself a bit better.Don't ruin people's lives deliberately it would be very hard to live with.

Janecon · 20/12/2018 00:00

Please listen to the posters who said that they have done this and regret it - there are a few of them and I am one. Do not do it. Years later I still feel the repercussions of it and it destroyed my self esteem. I cannot shake off the shame and the older I get the more regret I feel even though it was years ago. No matter what you feel, it is not worth it. Don't hurt others like this.

ScottishSantasack · 20/12/2018 00:48

Gosh you sound familiar. You don't live a well known bridge do you?

Tony2 · 20/12/2018 01:05

I'm a bloke. Bear with me, no slagging off. My ex wife spent a quite impressive number of years having an affair with an alleged close mate. Repercussions. My mate had a long term partner, whom he married during the course of his affair with the ex. I knew later, that the Sunday after his marriage, he had sex with my wife while I was at work. The thing is, neither had any remorse or conscience. She was a high powered boss. He had a business. They saw their affair as, say, justifiable. For her, there is no sisterhood. She had power, she was a free agent, so was he, marriage was not an encumbrance. After, her, our, friends shrugged their shoulders. Her family weren't bothered. It's just sex, and years of obliterated memories, so what. His wife never found out. I couldn't tell her. My apologies, really, like Humpty Dumpty, it broke me into a thousand pieces, and the only other woman I touched in our marriage was hugging my mum and daughter. But that, fidelity, again, do you want a medal? After divorce, I said when we married, I bloody well meant it. So did I she said, and in the next breath, but I just can't stop sleeping around. Repercussions. Zero. I apologize again. I would just say to the OP, it ain't so much the exchange of bodily fluids, it's the bloody memories. Just the memories.

RockingAroundTheChristmasTree1 · 20/12/2018 01:16

Think of those poor children, but I suppose you don't give a crap about that because you haven't got any yet.
Imagine yourself having children and then finding out your husband had been having an affair. Ruining not just his wife's future, but his childrens aswell.
What happened to women supporting women?! Just because you're the single one, doesn't make you any less of a disgrace!! His poor wife and children. You should be ashamed!!

Beniejaney · 20/12/2018 01:28

Oh please no! Dont be the cause of children being raised by separated parents because of your selfishness. Your emotions and maybe flattery will be driving your decision but you need to take a step back and look at the consequences.

moredoll · 20/12/2018 01:33

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted on poster's request.

Punto1 · 20/12/2018 01:34

This is just lust and it will pass. It's thrilling to find someone you can't keep your hands off, but unfortunately, this man is not free to engage with. For him, it's no strings sex, as you know he's married.

Apart from snogging, did you discuss the implications?

erykahb · 20/12/2018 02:49

Fuck sake, I hate women like you
DO NOT ENTERTAIN THIS MAN
He is a piece of shit and you are equally as big a piece of shit as him

Where's your fucking empathy

erykahb · 20/12/2018 02:53

This man is going to cheat on his wife regardless if it's with you or the next woman

But do you really want to be that woman?

Honestly I'd not be able to sleep at night knowing I played a part in tearing apart that family

snoutandab0ut · 20/12/2018 03:36

I don’t think appealing for the OP to think of the wife and kids will work, she doesn’t owe them anything. It’s far better to think of this man for what he is - because he’s the one in the wrong. He is a lecherous old sleazebag who doesn’t respect women - not his wife, and not you. Do you really find someone with so little regard for women, and the capacity to lie like he is, attractive?

I say this as someone who had an affair with an older bloke at work and he did actually leave his partner for me. I didn’t feel bad for the partner at the time and to be honest, I don’t now - I’m not the one who made promises to her. However. Was it worth it? FUCK no. He absolutely was a misogynist, disrespectful, lecherous creep - he didn’t cheat on me but his whole attitude towards women was disgusting, and it became more and more apparent as our relationship went on. Only someone who holds women in such low regard would do this, that’s what it comes down to. If he wants to live the single life he should leave his wife first

Shriek · 20/12/2018 04:28

It does make me laugh all those who think women are 'stealing husbands'!! Poor ickle babies being stolen away by wicked woman.

This man is an appalling shit why would you give him a 2nd glance. The reason I know he's an appalling shit is because he's with you. Why would you want this for yourself, to get with a complete arsehole of a womaniser. He sure doesn't think much of women...
Posh wank is my guess.

Trust me, have some dignity, you deserve better. Don't disappear down this hell hole.

Shriek · 20/12/2018 04:30

Ha!! What snout said!

Kumali · 20/12/2018 06:19

Op I'm guessing you can't identify or empathise with the wife and kids.. but.. for yourself, just don't do it. It may feel good for a time, you can believe all he tells you about his wife not understanding him etc. But imagine how it's going to feel when he's booked family holidays, runs off when the phone rings, celebrates their anniversary with loved up pics on fb. Every major occasion on your own. The fear of being found out...knowing that you're way down the list.. Honestly, please listen and don't do this. There are so many people on here who've been there or had to suffer the consequences so take it on board.

Bowchicawowow · 20/12/2018 06:42

The heartbreak and utter devastation some people are happy to cause in pursuit of a sexual encounter really upsets me. Why are some people so selfish?

SoupDragon · 20/12/2018 08:06

I don’t think appealing for the OP to think of the wife and kids will work, she doesn’t owe them anything.

Other than common decency. Sadly lacking in a lot of people it seems.

It’s far better to think of this man for what he is - because he’s the one in the wrong. He is a lecherous old sleazebag who doesn’t respect women - not his wife, and not you

That applies equally to her. She is a lecherous sleazebag who doesn't respect women.

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