I am on the verge of having an affair

[WhattheheckamIdoing]

I am ready to be flamed, I know I deserve it.

I am on the verge of starting an affair with a married colleague. I know this is wrong, I know lots of pain will come from it and I feel guilty about his wife and children.

We have only had a (few) drunken snogs after the office Christmas party. We left the party separately at different times and met at my place. At the party we just couldn't get away from each other so it was getting dangerous. I was adamant that we should not get into proper sexual territory as that would be an even more slippery slope. We agreed on that.

I think we are both pretty infatuated with each other, but we need to draw a line and stop this madness. His wife also works for the same company and the consequences on his family and my career would be tragic if this became a full-blown affair.

I don't know why I am posting here. I can't tell anyone in real life so maybe I just needed to write it. I am on the verge of having an affair. I hope I'll have the strength to control myself.

That’s something!

This guy is not a catch if you’re looking for a relationship. He cheats on his wife and mother of his DC. If you’re not looking for a relationship, it’s not worth being a dick - and thought a dick by colleagues - for a bit of “excitement” / sex.

Ok, so assuming this is a true post. Why would you post it on a parenting site?
Why is your self esteem so shit that an older married man snogging you is so exciting?

You just couldn't get away from each other 🤔

The forces of the universe forced you into snogging away a married man

You were forced to leave the party at separate times and go back to your place to snog because it was getting too overpowering to resist

🙄 bollocks! You can't justify it, please don't try.

Just. Leave. Married. Men. Alone

Op affairs are shit for everyone. His wife and kids are the obvious victims, but you will go through guilt, self hatred, low self esteem and more. You’ll end up doing the pick me dance, which is not a pretty sight , and you’ll loath yourself for doing it.
You’ll be doing lots of “out of character” things and feel out of control.
It’s a desperate and lonely place.
Walk away op.

Go and read the stepmum threads and look at how much fun it is when you break up a home with DC.

Don't do it. It is just sex, go an find someone who is single. I would also change my job so you don't spend all your time seeing this man and his wife. Oh and if he tells you she doesn't understand him and they never have sex, just laugh at the cliche he is!

If you realise it's not a good why do it?!... He has a wife and children, think if the tables where turned would you like it done to you and your children? It's a selfish, horrible thing to do.
Look for another job if you can't control your urges or move to another department nip it in the bud now before it's too late have self control and cut all contact with him.

I would stop it while you can. He is a cheat, that’s not any type of person I would want to be will.
Can you also step back and think about his wife, he no doubt has done it before and will do it after you as that is the type of man he is but it doesn’t have to be with you.
In my opinion the kissing and secret meetings would have my husband out the door but at least at this point you can stop it in it’s tracks before it goes any further.

I've just re-read your OP and noticed that his wife works there too. No one will side with you when this comes out. You know that, don't you? You will be despised by your colleagues for breaking up a family and hounded from your job. Obviously, he's just as big a cunt as you are, but it never goes down like that. The OW is always the one that's blamed. You must be on a path of absolute self-destruction if you continue with this.

Read the correspondent thread, some scorned women do name the mistress, and you could end up paying their divorce court costs.
OP, is he paying you too.

I wonder how many other women he’s done this with? He sounds like a hard dog to keep on the porch.

If you shag him, I can guarantee you will have the shittiest Christmas ever. He will be at home playing happy families, with his wife and children, while you, his work wife, are in your home, alone, with nothing and no-one. It's not worth it, it really isn't. It's not exciting, it's embarrassing and you're behaving as if you have no choice in this. You do. For the sake of your sanity, not to mention your career, tell him to fuck off.

Oh you poor thing!
I see you're getting something of a bashing here.
You go ahead and have a lustrous affair with him why not sure? Go for it. What's the worst that can happen?

• he'll get bored of you
• A family will be ripped apart
• he will always put his wife first
• you'll be relegated. Always
• you'll be left waiting on the few crumbs he can spare for you
• you'll be used for sex. Just sex

Seriously, why. Why why are you even considering this ffs.Why? What's in it for you? Sweet feck all

Don't do it.

You're an adult with a choice, choose to be better.

It. Won't. End. Well.

Don’t do it OP. That way lies madness.

Just don't.

The only way this will end is in a total shitsrtorm in your private and professional life.

The minute you kissed you started something physical. You don't have to bang to break up a family.

The fact that you're "ready to be flamed" suggests you like the attention and danger and frankly, I just feel sorry for this guy's wife and kids. I hope the inevitable 30-second fumble ends up being worth it because what you're doing is beyond shit.

Think of your colleagues.

It's awkward as fuck for them.

They have to look the wife in the eye when it gets out what's happened. Hell they probably know by the way you would have been looking at each other at the the party.

Have some respect and stay in the fuck away! It ends in tears an you can even begin to imagine the impact it has on everyone.

I've been caught in this crossfire at work and to this day it's all a very unpleasant working environment.

It sucks!

Don't do it. I did, and the repercussions over many years have been difficult. The easiest point to stop it is before it starts. I know it's difficult, but it is unlikely to end well and it will be better for you (and everyone involved) if you stop it now. It won't be worth it.

Why would you rip somebody's family apart on purpose? I don't understand why you would do that?

Is it knowing that he finds you attractive? that he can't hide his desire for you? Can't you get that feeling from someone who is free, who you can take to meet your parents, who you can show off to your friends? Or is it the secrecy that is exciting? Just leave the 'few drunken snogs' in the past, and move on. Honestly, it's not worth it. Grow up.

He, his wife and you work at the same place.

Don't shit on your own doorstep. The world is full of people with whom you can have an affair but not so close to home, please.

Keep it in your mind and let it die down gradually. That does happen. It's only sex and sex doesn't last.

This will hurt you more than it hurts him. It’s your career & reputation that will be damaged.

Chances are he won’t leave his wife. Are you willing to give everything up for nothing in return?

The fact he's looking at you while married will mean he'll do it again to you.

There may be some other woman aside from you.

Disgusting.

As a pp said... you’ll be used for sex, just sex ( with some ego stroking for him).

Poor self esteem and no self respect!

Oh, ffs, do what you like pet, technically you don't owe his wife a thing.

But know this:

You'll be reduced to the most boring cliché that there is. You will make your life harder than it needs to be. You'll be pitied and hated in equal measure.