I am on the verge of having an affair

[WhattheheckamIdoing]

I am ready to be flamed, I know I deserve it.

I am on the verge of starting an affair with a married colleague. I know this is wrong, I know lots of pain will come from it and I feel guilty about his wife and children.

We have only had a (few) drunken snogs after the office Christmas party. We left the party separately at different times and met at my place. At the party we just couldn't get away from each other so it was getting dangerous. I was adamant that we should not get into proper sexual territory as that would be an even more slippery slope. We agreed on that.

I think we are both pretty infatuated with each other, but we need to draw a line and stop this madness. His wife also works for the same company and the consequences on his family and my career would be tragic if this became a full-blown affair.

I don't know why I am posting here. I can't tell anyone in real life so maybe I just needed to write it. I am on the verge of having an affair. I hope I'll have the strength to control myself.

This man is happy to lie, and betray a woman he promised to be faithful to.

he'll lie to you too. You're nothing but an amusement to him - an easy shag.

Get your CV out there now and cut all ties. You can do the right thing, for yourself. Really you can.

I hope he’s a lousy shag.

Grow up

No response from the OP. Hope she's got the message - it couldn't be clearer.

He doesn’t care about you in the least.

If he did, he wouldn’t want to risk your job.

And if you do this, it’ll end with you losing your job.

You’ll lose your job, your integrity and your self respect.

Your colleagues will lose respect for you too and that will follow you forever.

You’ll lose friends and put your sexual health in danger.

He doesn’t care about you.
He doesn’t care about his wife
He doesn’t care about his children.

He’s a real prince of a man OP.

You aren’t star crossed lovers, you are just the latest younger woman prepared to have sex with him.

Oh, you didn’t think you were the only one did you?

Can I just say as well that that initial “lust” is a load of old bullshit to get everyone shagging everyone and wanting babies, it’s evolution at its best. And it doesn’t last. When it wears off you’ll be left with a deeply unpleasant cheater of a man.

I don’t know what response you’ll think you’ll get from posting on here.

Choosing to kiss a man that you know is married is lower than low in my book.

You are opening up his family to a whole world of pain, the man has a wife and DC’s for god sake.

Stop being so damn selfish and get a grip, his morals may be in the gutter please try to resist joining him.
Find a man who hasn’t made a lifetime commitment to his wife and children.

Take this advice and times it by ten: DON’T DO IT. No judgement from me, I know how all consuming these feelings can be. 16 yrs ago I started a sexual affair- or rather I was the pawn in an affair situation- with a much older married man. Looking back as an adult I can see that I was groomed and see him for what he was- a selfish and emotionally stunted fucker. I’m going to wager this guy is you’re infatuated by too: they generally are. It ended CATASTROPHICALLY. To say you’ll get hurt here is the understatement of the decade.

I’m not overstating this when I say you’ll ruin your life. Find a new job. I mean that. Run.

You are already having an affair. What you have done will already ruin a woman and her children’s lives.
What you have done already has disastrous implications for your career.

Spend Xmas looking for a new job.
Block this man on every platform you have contact.
Stop it now.

@rabbitfoodadvocate lol! I thought my comment might get deleted.Why should wives be the victim?!

Go ahead OP if you want to. But just think, who will he be spending Christmas with? And new year? And his birthday, your birthday, who will he be going on holiday with.... He'll tell you he wishes he was with you but he can't because of his wife, his kids.....you'll always be second best.

It's not a relationship and in the end the sex won't be enough.

Your work colleagues already know something's going on. Trust me, I've worked in offices a very long time, and you can see it a mile off.

More to the point, your bosses will know too, and your reputation and career progression is already damaged. They might snigger about it down the golf club, but they aren't going to promote someone they perceive to be a bimbo, a bit of skirt, whatever.

You are just his ego-stroking bit on the side, you know that, don't you?

Put him back, he's not yours.

Please don't do this. I did and it was a massive massive mistake that I will regret forever! Not worth it for you, him or all the other people you will hurt . If you're not happy, leave your marriage but don't wreck someone else's.

Phrasing this as being on the verge implies that it's virtually inevitable. Only you know it isn't. All of this is 100% within your control.

No fleeting sexual thrill is worth all the crap which many people have correctly described upthread. Don't do this to yourself, and most of all don't do it to another woman and her children.

^Why have you posted here?
Are you wanting to be brought back down to Earth?
Or are you just wanting a chance to talk about t because you’re too ashamed to tell anyone in real life.^

I think a bit of both? I know I need to give my head a wobble and Mumsnet is the right place to find people who can help you do that.

Don’t dip your pen in the office ink!

Something similar happened at my old workplace. The chemistry between them was obvious to everyone - especially at the Xmas party and other drunken nights out. He eventually left his partner for her, then treated her like shit including giving her chlamydia. Working with them both throughout this soap opera was less than enjoyable for all concerned.

Be strong, move on.

A man who would ruin his wife's and children's life isn't worth being with. Anyone who knowingly gets involved with someone who is married with children is also a piece of shit. Also karma is a bitch

I feel guilty about his wife and children.

Bollocks.

You're probably not the first
You know how this will end
Don't be fucking stupid

the consequences on his family and my career would be tragic if this became a full-blown affair.

Too late now, I'd image his wife will already be pretty pissed off if she hears what had already gone on. I would kick dhs sorry arse out for that.

No point saying what I think of him as he isn't here. But you are behaving like a heartless, selfish, immature bitch. You obviously have no self esteem, respect or dignity and must be pathetically desperate, so please instead think of his family, why would you do that to anyone? This isn't a game.

Please don’t do it OP. I was in a similar situation to you about 20 years ago. I was with a long term boyfriend, in my late twenties, no kids but had an affair with an older married man who had kids. We didn’t work together though.

His wife found out and it turned into a complete shitstorm. My boyfriend (now ex) Turned physically abusive towards me, my parents disowned me and took his side despite the physical abuse, friends and work colleagues shunned me and wouldn’t speak to me (some still don’twhich is fair enough, no more than Ideserve). There really were no winners in the whole situation. Except maybe the married man as his wife did take him back.

I am now so ashamed of what I did and I refuse to talk about it in real life. They say a leopard never changes it’s spots but they do because I have. Now been happily married for 17 years and I would never ever do it again to my husband. Of course he might stray, but in that case I would think I deserved it. I still hate myself that much for what I did.

? I know I need to give my head a wobble and Mumsnet is the right place to find people who can help you do that.

Right, he is a selfish, lying cheat... you will never trust him! After u snogged him he prob went home and did more with his wife!

He is only snogging you to boost his ego!

You, well, you are willing to split up a family, break innocent children's hearts for a bit of sex! Yep, selfish and a but slutty!

Wobble wobble there you go!

You have rather romanticised the liaison but actually it sounds very seedy. A few drunken snogs then back to your place? I don’t think he is infatuated with you but I fear you are with him.

You’re contemplating risking your career so a man can put his penis inside you, and then go home to his wife and children?