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Original poster

I am on the verge of having an affair

283 replies

WhattheheckamIdoing · 19/12/2018 15:34

I am ready to be flamed, I know I deserve it.

I am on the verge of starting an affair with a married colleague. I know this is wrong, I know lots of pain will come from it and I feel guilty about his wife and children.

We have only had a (few) drunken snogs after the office Christmas party. We left the party separately at different times and met at my place. At the party we just couldn't get away from each other so it was getting dangerous. I was adamant that we should not get into proper sexual territory as that would be an even more slippery slope. We agreed on that.

I think we are both pretty infatuated with each other, but we need to draw a line and stop this madness. His wife also works for the same company and the consequences on his family and my career would be tragic if this became a full-blown affair.

I don't know why I am posting here. I can't tell anyone in real life so maybe I just needed to write it. I am on the verge of having an affair. I hope I'll have the strength to control myself.

OP posts:
nomorearsingmermaids · 19/12/2018 16:15

Well you're not having an affair then are you. He is.

It's an awful thing to do to someone OP. Think about it logically. Imagine you carry on this thing with him and he leaves his wife for you and you start a relationship with him. Would you ever be able to trust him? No, because he'll end up doing to you what he's doing to his wife.

You feel strongly about him because he is forbidden fruit. It's just so boring and predictable.

fernandoanddenise · 19/12/2018 16:17

Imagine if someone had done this with your dad when you were little? How would you have felt about your family being broken?

Bowchicawowow · 19/12/2018 16:17

Go for it! It’s a fantastic idea because he obviously really loves you and his wife is clearly a cold bitch who has driven him to stray. It will turn out really well for you. I guarantee it.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
KickAssAngel · 19/12/2018 16:17

Not having an affair doesn't require 'strength'. Ffs. Stop dressing this up in romantic bullshit. Nor is it dangerous. It's sordid and tacky and nothing new or exciting at all.

He's a middle aged married man who's bored and wants a bit of fanny for fun. Go ahead and be that fanny if you want, but don't tell yourself any lies about being unable to avoid each other. I bet loads of people were watching and having a good laugh at you both.

fwiw - I've been married for 27 years without snogging someone else. No strength required.

user764329056 · 19/12/2018 16:17

Have some self-respect, he’s an idiot, don’t indulge him, walk away, men like him are despicable and you need to recognise that

formerbabe · 19/12/2018 16:18

Picture him leaving his dirty socks on the bedroom floor, doing his washing and rowing over bills!

Seriously op..don't do it!

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 19/12/2018 16:19

I was once where you are now and acted on it.

That was 16 years ago and I feel it’s one of the scummiest things I’ve ever done in my life and the wife was (allegedly) oblivious.

To this day, I fear that somewhere there is a karmic scales of justice and that something terrible will happen to me, DH or the DC to “punish me”.

It fuels my anxieties and damages my ability to live in and enjoy the now.

I’m sure this says much about my propensity to anxious thoughts but I’m telling you as alluring as the idea of being the sexy, vampy, mistress is the reality is different and you WILL feel dirty and shit in no time.

Personally I don’t buy your update and think you’ve shagged him. Stop it for your own mental health if nothing else.

Elfinablender · 19/12/2018 16:20

Not having an affair doesn't require 'strength'. Ffs. Stop dressing this up in romantic bullshit.

Oh, and this ^ a thousand times. Strength Hmm Grin please.

ohreallyohreallyoh · 19/12/2018 16:21

Urgh. How sordid. You will get what you deserve. His wife and children....not so much.

LanaorAna2 · 19/12/2018 16:22

I know it's wildly sexy at the moment, but it won't be in 6 months.

  1. He won't leave either family or job
  2. He's probably done it before

So you:

  1. are forced out of your job, prob by both The Shag and his wife
  2. may have fallen deeply in love with someone who is unavailable
  3. have realised you are being used pretty badly.

There's 0 in it for you. At best.

icannotremember · 19/12/2018 16:23

He's already cheated on his wife, the mother of his children, with you. Don't kid yourself that just because you haven't got into "proper sexual territory" that he hasn't already cheated and that you aren't already complicit. If my husband did what hers has done with you I would be very clear that he had cheated.

And don't pretend you don't have a choice or full control. Don't lie to everyone and yourself like that. If the two of you continue this, you are doing so by choice and you are both fully responsible.

I'm disgusted with your post. You sound pathetic. Life isn't a third rate movie and you're not the poor misunderstood heroine. You're an adult woman planning to have an affair with a man who is married and has children. Grow the fuck up.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 19/12/2018 16:24

how easy will you find it to get a new job?
TBH i could go on about the hurt you will cause and how awful he is but Im sure you know and dont care. So instead how do you feel about your reputation and job being in tatters when this comes out? (It will come out it always does, people getting it on at work always think no one knows...they all know).

Cantusethatname · 19/12/2018 16:24

Grow up.

ciderhouserules · 19/12/2018 16:24

OP - my SIL had an affair with a MM. She knew he had a long-term partner, and 2 kids. She didn't care - she was so needy, so desperate for the attention of a man. Any man. His partner found out (Ha! It was all round the village!) and chucked him out, good for her. He spent last winter (remember how cold it was last winter?) in a caravan in a field.

Love in a Cold Climate, all right.

She is still with him, but hasn't introduced him to any of her friends, or colleagues. The family haven't accepted him. Because she knows what he is. And what she is. Angry

That'll be you, and you are fully aware of that.

AcrossthePond55 · 19/12/2018 16:25

So all three of you work at the same place? Do what you like, Sweet Cheeks. Just realize that you are the one who is going to end up with her reputation in tatters, your coworkers hating you, and you'll possibly lose your job to boot. But it's worth it ALL to be some guy's piece of ass on the side, right? Chances are you aren't his first bit on the side and you won't be his last.

Oh, and FWIW snogging IS a form of sexual activity. Just because you haven't (supposedly, but I doubt it) touched each other's 'bits' you are still engaging in an activity intended to produce sexual arousal.

BlooperReel · 19/12/2018 16:25

We just snogged a lot.

How would you feel if you were married and your husband did this with another woman?

Give yourself a shake, do not be that stereotypical 'homewrecker'. Tell him to get lost, what is attractive about someone willing to destroy their wife and kids lives for a chance to get their leg over?

Missingstreetlife · 19/12/2018 16:25

Others may get hurt but you will be the loser, I promise.
This is a disaster waiting to happen. Keep away from him.

TheGoddessFrigg · 19/12/2018 16:26

PS

All your colleagues know.

slashlover · 19/12/2018 16:26

We have only had a (few) drunken snogs after the office Christmas party.
We were fully dressed and did not grope or touch each other's in a sexual way. We just snogged a lot.

Kissing IS cheating. Calling it snogging doesn't make it better.

Judashascomeintosomemoney · 19/12/2018 16:27

dangerous
madness
tragic
hope
strength

God, yeah, it’s all so dramatic isn’t it? Your flowery language belies the fact you’ve made up your mind already. I’m mean you’re star-crossed lovers, amirite? You can’t help yourself, it’s not your fault, it’s written in the stars, you’re meant to be together. FFS.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 19/12/2018 16:28

Watch "Love Actually" The reaction of Emma Thompson when she finds the necklace is what you would be doing to the wife if she ever found out.Stop it now it's seedy and wrong.

Missingstreetlife · 19/12/2018 16:29

Also you may not get an affair but a quick shag and embarrassing dumping.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 19/12/2018 16:31

Oh and btw not all wives fade away into the background,if it were my husband id kick you into next week.Just saying.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 19/12/2018 16:32

I should also mention OP that a friend of mine did this and she was a very promising high flyer at a Magic Circle law firm.

She had to leave that job as the affair she was having soured and MM became vindictive. He de facto got her removed as she was a threat to his professional reputation even though she’d never have spilled.

Anyway, it took her 6 years to get the next “rung up the ladder” instead of the 12 months it would have taken her had she stayed in her former firm.

Sad, professionally and mentally damaging for her.

ohdearmymistake · 19/12/2018 16:32

I found out about someone's affair, it was nothing more that quick shags or blowjobs in a cupboard.

Both had partners and DC.

In the cold light of day it was nothing more that degrading, disrespectful, cringe worthy with a whole load of upset and hurt.

Grow up and get some morals.

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