I am on the verge of having an affair

[WhattheheckamIdoing]

I am ready to be flamed, I know I deserve it.

I am on the verge of starting an affair with a married colleague. I know this is wrong, I know lots of pain will come from it and I feel guilty about his wife and children.

We have only had a (few) drunken snogs after the office Christmas party. We left the party separately at different times and met at my place. At the party we just couldn't get away from each other so it was getting dangerous. I was adamant that we should not get into proper sexual territory as that would be an even more slippery slope. We agreed on that.

I think we are both pretty infatuated with each other, but we need to draw a line and stop this madness. His wife also works for the same company and the consequences on his family and my career would be tragic if this became a full-blown affair.

I don't know why I am posting here. I can't tell anyone in real life so maybe I just needed to write it. I am on the verge of having an affair. I hope I'll have the strength to control myself.

OP he sounds like a really unpleasant man. What kind of man does this to their family?

You can do much better for yourself. Dump him now.

What do you want from this man? If it's a quick shag - and believe me that is all that will be on offer - then you can easily find that elsewhere, preferably with an unattached man. Is he really so gorgeous and charming that you just have to have him? I highly doubt it.

I hope I'll have the strength to control myself.

Of course you do. You're an adult aren't you? It's actually quite easy to avoid being naked in bed with a married man. I'm nearly 50 and I've managed it all my life.

Even if he does leave his wife and kids for you - how do you feel about never coming first. You'll perhaps want kids one day and there'll be blended families to deal with. There you are with your lovely newborn and he gets a call from ex asking for him to pop over as she has gastro bug and can't get the teen to XYZ.

Sharing Christmases. ETC ETC

don't do it mate.

There's something called self control. Use it and stop making excuses. My ex-partner cheated on me with his work colleague and the devastation it has caused is indescribable. This isn't just a snog or fuck...you are both screwing with other people's lives. Just think how you would feel if you were his wife finding out? Or do you even care?

"It was getting dangerous"

"I hope I have the strength to control myself"

Oh my goodness-just listen to yourself.

Then grow the fuck up!

Why have you posted here?
Are you wanting to be brought back down to Earth?
Or are you just wanting a chance to talk about t because you’re too ashamed to tell anyone in real life.

Do you believe this man is the love of your life?

@SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc SAME! Wouldn't just be the reputation dragged through the mud, it would be a corpse. By it's hair.

Technicially you aren't doing anything wrong - you aren't the married one.

But.... it's not a nice thing to do, and will not show you in a good light either professionally.

Read all of the heartbreaking threads on here where women discover their husbands are cheating.

It is not dangerous. It's demeaning. People will be sniggering about the two of you AT BEST. At worst, it will come out and you will have shattered a family and blown their world apart forever, because it turned out that despite "hoping" you didn't "have the strength" to control yourself.

Get a grip.

Well, you're a stupid fuckwit then, aren't you.

There's also the point about if he will cheat on his current wife - he will likely cheat on you too - after all he loved her enough to marry her. You may well just be an exciting shag on the side and he's tell you everything you want to hear.

No no no.

You’re single. Of all the qualities you look for in a man, is ‘facility to lie and cheat’ one of them?

Why are you settling for cheap thrills with this liar? He may be an exciting shag The first time, but once he realises he can have his cake and eat it, you’ll be in relationship limbo land. Not really the girlfriend but not able to go and meet anyone else. You’ll never be with him at important times like Valentine’s Day or Xmas. The time you spend together will be on his terms. Your self esteem will spiral down the toilet and you’ll find yourself gratefully accepting the bare minimum of emotional crumbs from him while you wonder where the fuck your life went.

And if he does leave his wife for you, you know what he’s capable of. You will always be wondering when and if he’s going to do the same to you when things get a bit boring.

This is a one way hiding to nothing.

This guy probably just wants the frisson of feeling attractive and, of course, to get laid. I predict you will feel used and stupid in the not too distant future. Be kind to yourself and find a boyfriend that's single.

Technicially you aren't doing anything wrong - you aren't the married one.

Shagging a person you know to be married IS doing something wrong.

It's not as bad as actually being married and shagging someone else, but a person who knowingly shags a married person is definitely not blameless.

Speaking as someone who has a brother who did this to his wife and kids and has nearly killed my parents with the upset, not to mention his beautiful wife and children at Christmas, please don't be that bitch. You are only going to cause a world of unbelievable pain that you can't even imagine. Find a single man for the love of god 😈

If you have any self respect don't do it. My husband did it to myself and children. They won't ever get over it. Two had to have counselling, as teens, and youngest refuses to have anything to do with him. Middle child downloaded a photo of the woman off the net and it was spread via social media. Apparently that's what some teens now do. So, find yourself a decent man; no great relationship starts off from the starting point of deceit and lies. You deserve better as all such women do.

So you're single and younger than the MM? Perfect bit on the side for him then. Give your head a wobble and grow the fuck up - this is not some soap opera, it's the lives of another woman and children. You know exactly what you're doing.

Talking about it is fuelling the excitement. Think about it logically - he's a cheat and a liar. Why is this flattering? Look at other threads similar to this and you'll see all OW use the same cringy language. It's really quite pathetic. Treat yourself (if not other people) better than you are now. You'll end up miserable and feeling worthless before long.

Technicially you aren't doing anything wrong - you aren't the married one

She's certainly complicit though, isn't she?

Look at it in this light: She may not be the one actually burgling your house, but she's certainly driving the get-away car! Would you say that the driver shouldn't be prosecuted for helping the burglar make off with your valuables? Didn't think so.

Imagine having to talk to your mum, your dad, your boss, your friends, your colleagues about this. How would you feel? Proud? Justified? Excited?
Or ashamed? Embarrassed? Guilty?

Do not do it. What sort of man behaves like this? Not someone to be admired! Yuk!

I never can understand why a single woman would want a married man who would willing cheat on his family - not just his wife but his kids too! Don't be going for someone's sloppy seconds.

you want to control yourself.but you haven't have you because you've already cheated with him.on his wife and his family and urself.youve snogged that bad enough.stop now please.no good can come from this or further.
what you've done already is enough to end a family
going further you will crucify it.
this isn't going to make you happy.
where do you see this going.a future in it?what happens when your done.you might be able to live with it but he can finish the fling and walk back to his family.
do you even know him.
please ask yourself all the questions of risking this.its your heart and many more on the edge of being destroyed

It is extremely unlikely that he will ever leave his wife and kids for you.
What is more likely is that his wife will end up finding out, throw his sorry cheating arse out, and he will end up with you by default.
Do you want that for yourself?
Will you ever be happy with a man who was capable of causing so much hurt and heartache?
Your life with him will be full of problems, not some romantic fairytale.
Bitter divorce, court orders, child arrangement orders, child maintenance orders, financial struggles, being hated by his wife and probably the whole of his extended family, stepkids who blame you for the breakup of their family. The list goes on.
He will be a different man to the one you know now. Your relationship will not last. And you have to be able to live with yourself knowing that it was your choices that caused it all.
It is not worth it op.
Do not be that woman.
Have some decency,
Have some bloody self respect.

Stuff like this makes me sick.

My now ex dh upped and left me and dd then aged 6 for someone he’d met on Facebook. He even lied and said he was staying with his mum when he went to see her. He left me in huge debt, unable to cope with the house and we had to downsize and move to a shitty little place. Dd was devastated. I was thrown into deep clinical depression.

Don’t be a dick.

Honestly.

There are better men out there, single ones.