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Original poster

I cannot cope with this guest for any longer.

169 replies

BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 16:17

DH has a friend he’s known many years they used to work together. We used to go out for a meal with him and his wife every few months.
He’s fine but I find his wife very hard work, she’s very miserable and very negative never has anything positive to say about anything it’s all very doom and gloom and complaining about absolutely everything.
It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with her and there is a big age gap she’s almost 20 years older.

6 months ago they moved practically round the corner from us. So we did naturally start seeing more of them.

DH absolutely loves watching some football on a Saturday and watching the scores come in. Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t upto my standard.
His friend started to come over to watch the football as he doesn’t have the sports channels. Absolutely no problem,

But I have got a huge problem with the fact his wife has been joining him every single week, she absolutely detests football and does nothing but complain about it the whole time. I’m basically now having to entertain her. They come over for about 12ish and leave about 6:30. The endless complaining is honestly driving both me and DH round the bend.

Last week I told DH I honestly couldn’t cope with having her here again and I had loads to do round the house. He messaged his friend and said he was more than welcome to come but I was busy. His friend said no problem they understood.

Yet they both turned up she said she didn’t want to “miss out on all the fun” so I excused myself and said I was really busy and had things to do. I cracked on with what I was doing but I was called out for basically being rude and ignoring my guests by the wife. Had to bite my tongue really hard not to tell her that I hadn’t actually invited her.

DH knows exactly how I feel, he feels the same so I left it with him to sort this out with his friend.

He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. They will see us at 12 and we can go straight from here.

Obviously it’s a nice gesture on there behalf but i can’t cope with having to not only having his wife here for 7 hours and go out for a meal afterwards. I just can’t as she is honestly the most miserable person I’ve ever met.

Is it me, am I being really mean here?

I just don’t know how to get out of this situation with them.

OP posts:

Finfintytint · 14/12/2018 16:24

Cancel Sky Sports?

Gazelda · 14/12/2018 16:25

Crikey, that sounds like hell! But I'm afraid I don't know how you can get out of it. Sorry.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/12/2018 16:28

I think i can tell that you are coming down with some 24 hour vomiting bug which will hit about 10am tomorrow

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Relationship problems

Lucylugs · 14/12/2018 16:29

Wow, I don't think you are being mean at all. I think they are both very entitled and expect you to give up your Saturday and child free day to cater to them!!
I guess they have realised this and are trying to butter you up to keep it going.
I would be texting "thanks for the invite, I'm out for the day/going to grandparents and will meet you there." And in the future I'm sure your husband can find somewhere like your local to watch the game and they can both join him.

MrsEricBana · 14/12/2018 16:30

Your DH will have to tell his friend he can't do Saturdays any more as taking up too much of your weekends and very sorry. Life is far too short to endure toxic friends.

SparkyBlue · 14/12/2018 16:31

Oh god that sounds horrific. Could you cancel Sky Sports in the new year and use that as an excuse.

QueenNovo · 14/12/2018 16:32

You're not mean, that would piss me off too. I'd just keep doing what you did last time and get on with your own stuff, if she finds that rude then tough shit.

SeaSandLandSky · 14/12/2018 16:32

You were called out by the wife?
That was the perfect time to tell her that you had nothing in common with each other and that you used that time to do XYZ.

Carry on doing your own thing whilst the husband is with your DH, Go out for a coffee, have a bath etc, whatever....then Let your DH take the DC's to the meal. If she invited herself to your house it's not your problem, she can go sit with the men.

All too often women are expected to be polite and pick up the slack. Don't do it. Give yourself an early Christmas gift of big girl pants - and use them!

Grace212 · 14/12/2018 16:32

for tomorrow I would feign illness

then in the New Year, your DH needs to tell his friend that his wife can only join if she's all right with you getting on with your stuff. But hopefully after you feign illness, they'll get the hint...

lottielottielottie · 14/12/2018 16:33

I feel your pain OP.

I recently ghosted a friend ( now ex friend ) as I couldn't be doing with her hanging about my house for hours on end when we didn't really have anything in common. I would say I was busy, start doing said 'busy' things & it would take about 20 mins of me rushing around doing house chores not talking for her to get the hint to go. It was cringeworthy & I decided no more. Why people think it's acceptable to just rock up at folks houses for hours on end on a regular basis is beyond me. Of course the exceptions here are close very good close friends & family, but if they don't fall into that category I think it's pretty cheeky. Other sociable people may not understand what I'm saying, but I like my own space & can't be doing with feeling suffocated by others. You obviously have nothing in common with this woman, the complaining would drive me nuts too.... I get that she may well just want some female company but you aren't a charity case & it's not your problem. If I was in your position I would just put a stop to your partners friend coming over as she hasn't taken any hints & it's a bit cheeky her coming over when you gave woman code for not invited ( saying you were busy ) and she ignored it.

When you said you felt like telling her to go.. this will only get worse like it did with the woman I couldn't get to go .... it will piss you off majorly to the point where you will end up being rude just because someone can't take a bloody hint!

In the end I just stopped replying to the invites of the woman in my scenario, she would just come round & drink tea, spend most of the time on her phone with her feet up on my sofa ( not initiating any conversation) it pissed me off no end.

Luckingfovely · 14/12/2018 16:34

Just say no! Thanks for the idea but we're busy tomorrow.

cowfacemonkey · 14/12/2018 16:35

Well I’m guessing they realise she was rude last week and dont want to risk the current arrangement so hence the meal. I think it’s time for your DH to put an end to these weekends or say bluntly “look mate you can come watch football but really it needs to be just you as bigbrowndog feels she can’t make her own plans when you both come together”
Either that or just stop it all together.
I have a friend who is always accompanied by her husband and he is a moany twat. I just don’t see her much anymore

Pinkyyy · 14/12/2018 16:38

Take up a hobby on Saturdays

cowfacemonkey · 14/12/2018 16:38

Oh and it’s not a nice gesture really it’s just a way of making sure you feel guilty if you stop this every weekend nonsense. Honestly would your husband put up with this every weekend if the roles were reversed? I highly doubt it!

SinglePringle · 14/12/2018 16:39

Husband sends text saying ‘lovely idea about tomorrow but unfortunately we have already got plans. Gonna have to cance footie tomorrow too and what with Christmas coming up, we’re busy till the new year. I’ll give you a call to set up a footie date for me and you in Jan. Merry Christmas!

Lottapianos · 14/12/2018 16:39

'All too often women are expected to be polite and pick up the slack. Don't do it'

So true

There is NO ONE that i could tolerate in my house every single Saturday from 12 til 6pm. I want to scream just thinking of it. So no, you're not being mean at all. Illness for the meal, then your DH needs to sort out a new arrangement for the new year

ButtMuncher · 14/12/2018 16:39

Your DH really needs to have a quiet word with his friend. I don't agree that your DH should have to cancel Sky or limit his time with his friend, he just needs to stand your corner a bit more firmly and explain the invitation goes to his friend and no further.

And I'd totally be making up an excuse for tomorrow. Christmas meal with in laws, skydiving, literally anything

AdaColeman · 14/12/2018 16:39

Is there a local Working Mens' Club nearby that the husband could be directed to, they always show the sports?

You could go out, go to your Mother's, go swimming, just to break the habit of them always both visiting. Better still if your DH was unavailable also, is there anywhere he could go?

Failing that, you could have a series of family disasters, chicken pox, D&V, husband with a migraine, always striking on a Saturday unfortunately. Or cancel the sports programs.

costacoffeecup · 14/12/2018 16:41

Can you go out on Saturday afternoons, shopping and a coffee? I would! Sod the house. Wife can entertain herself.

vdbfamily · 14/12/2018 16:43

You need to go out Christmas shopping tomorrow afternoon. Just take a good book and find a coffee shop somewhere. After a few weeks of you being absent she will get the message.

rookiemere · 14/12/2018 16:47

Its really annoying when your DH has a friend but friends partner/DW insists on spending time with you when they're not really your sort of person.

I have this with Dnephew's wife. After being basically ignored for the past 12 years which suited me fine, now all of a sudden Dnephew is asking if I'm coming along to the pub ( on the family holiday) as his newly wed DW goes along when they go out. Quite frankly I'd rather not as a) don't want to go to the pub and b) I don't have a lot in common with her. I went once to be sociable but it's a bit annoying.

In your case I'd crack on with the cleaning when she's there - if she calls you out on it say that you didn't know she was coming and you really need to do your cleaning on a Saturday, and come up with some reason why you can't go to the meal. Hopefully she'll get the hint. If not DH needs to tell his friend that you don't want to spend all your free time with his DW either that or cancel the football subscription.

Sexnotgender · 14/12/2018 16:48

So she just invites herself round every Saturday for hours on end no wonder you’re fed up!

Swipetounlock · 14/12/2018 16:49

This reminds me of when people say "I'm not being a nuisance am I?"

I wouldn't deliberately invent things to be doing when she comes round, because then she is manipulating your whole day. What you did was perfectly correct and polite, she is just too dim to take it on board. I would continue to do the same again. If you need to go out, do so, if you have chores at home, do them. Make her a cup of tea when she arrives and then leave her to it. Eventually she will realise there is no-one to listen to her moaning and buzz off.

hellojim · 14/12/2018 16:50

This situation would drive me bonkers, there is no way that this can carry on indefinitely! I would have thought that the festive season would be an ideal opportunity to put the Saturday tradition on hold for a couple of weeks because you have "lots to do" and then hope that it fizzles out. Apart from that your DH needs to stop allowing your house to be the only option for watching football, maybe suggest using the pub.

christmaschristmaschristmas · 14/12/2018 16:51

I'd be firm. Just say meal sounds lovely - we're busy in day though, so meet at the restaurant.

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