Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I cannot cope with this guest for any longer.

169 replies

BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 16:17

DH has a friend he’s known many years they used to work together. We used to go out for a meal with him and his wife every few months.
He’s fine but I find his wife very hard work, she’s very miserable and very negative never has anything positive to say about anything it’s all very doom and gloom and complaining about absolutely everything.
It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with her and there is a big age gap she’s almost 20 years older.

6 months ago they moved practically round the corner from us. So we did naturally start seeing more of them.

DH absolutely loves watching some football on a Saturday and watching the scores come in. Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t upto my standard.
His friend started to come over to watch the football as he doesn’t have the sports channels. Absolutely no problem,

But I have got a huge problem with the fact his wife has been joining him every single week, she absolutely detests football and does nothing but complain about it the whole time. I’m basically now having to entertain her. They come over for about 12ish and leave about 6:30. The endless complaining is honestly driving both me and DH round the bend.

Last week I told DH I honestly couldn’t cope with having her here again and I had loads to do round the house. He messaged his friend and said he was more than welcome to come but I was busy. His friend said no problem they understood.

Yet they both turned up she said she didn’t want to “miss out on all the fun” so I excused myself and said I was really busy and had things to do. I cracked on with what I was doing but I was called out for basically being rude and ignoring my guests by the wife. Had to bite my tongue really hard not to tell her that I hadn’t actually invited her.

DH knows exactly how I feel, he feels the same so I left it with him to sort this out with his friend.

He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. They will see us at 12 and we can go straight from here.

Obviously it’s a nice gesture on there behalf but i can’t cope with having to not only having his wife here for 7 hours and go out for a meal afterwards. I just can’t as she is honestly the most miserable person I’ve ever met.

Is it me, am I being really mean here?

I just don’t know how to get out of this situation with them.

OP posts:
sackrifice · 14/12/2018 17:50

You are basically babysitting the wife.

fuck that shit.

They don't seem too bothered about upsetting you. You need to flip your fucking lid and ban the both of them, cheeky fucking bastards.

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/12/2018 17:57

There are so many things wrong with this, that I don't even know where to start.

OK - who invites people out for the Saturday evening before Christmas - the day before! - and actually expects them to be free? Say 'no thanks' to dinner, we have other plans. Lie, if need be. They surely can't expect you to be free - and even if you are, the lie is completely believable.

DH's mate 'gets in the neck' if his missus is left out of the 'fun' Saturday football watching? Shock Uh, no. You and your DH get it in the neck - and you're not shackled to her. Why is he so rudely dragging the two of you down with him - and at your house just to put the boot in...?

Why have you let this go on for so long? I'm a confrontation-avoider, but this just takes the biscuit.

If your DH and his mate are both such sad sacks that they can't sort this out, and if none of you are actually willing or able to put an end to this, then just carry on doing your chores. She's going to bitch and moan anyway. So let her.

And I'm not even going to touch on shipping the kids out every Saturday, and then spending it watching football and doing housework, because that's just mind-blowing to me.

TheDowagerCuntess · 14/12/2018 18:01

I’ve been out before they have arrived too, twice she stayed regardless that I was out and the other time her DH messaged her to say I was back.

What the...?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
NotAColdWomanHenry · 14/12/2018 18:02

It's between OP and her DH if she's happy with cleaning while he watches footie - she's said it's important to her. It doesn't mean she does nothing else.

What is not OK is being used as an entertainment service for this woman to take pressure of the woman's DH - why on earth is it anyone else's responsibility if she doesn't want to spend sat afternoon alone? SHE could go out, get a hobby, volunteer etc. - there is all sorts she could do to not be alone, without being such a leech.

Holidayshopping · 14/12/2018 18:03

DH has said on numerous occasions to his friend his mrs is a nightmare and he agrees but he will “get it in the neck” his words if she’s at home alone all day on a Saturday.

Why doesn’t he stay at home and bloody keep her company then! It’s his choice to be with her-if he doesn’t like her-get rid.

Your husband needs to step up here.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/12/2018 18:08

DH has said on numerous occasions to his friend his mrs is a nightmare and he agrees but he will “get it in the neck” his words if she’s at home alone all day on a Saturday

Okay, I take back my suggestion of going to the meal - this is all just ridiculous

Find some way of persuading both men to go to the pub (or wherever) to watch the match. Then, when the "habit" of being at yours has been broken, your DH can start discovering he's not available whenever he chooses

CookPassBabtridge · 14/12/2018 18:10

God this is awful. Nevermind that she's miserable, who spends all day with the same people every week even if they are amazing company!? This is ridiculous! Say no to dinner as its like an invitation for them to carry on.

CakeNinja · 14/12/2018 18:11

Dowager, we know people who do this.
Kids go to grannies for the weekend, wife does manic cleaning, irons husbands work stuff, shops, walks dogs etc, husband spend Saturday sitting on his arse watching sport with a couple of beers.
We call her a stepford wife. It’s sad. She claims to love cleaning but the reality is her husband is a lazy arse and makes digs at her to - other people - if the house is less than spotless. Grim.
Not saying this is the OPs situation obviously but it does draw comparisons for me!!

KnittingSister · 14/12/2018 18:14

Hello, Mrs notfriend, I'm mopping the kitchen floor, but the bathroom wants a good clean, the cloth and cleaning fluid are in the cupboard, thanks! Grin

CAAKE · 14/12/2018 18:17

The friend is using you to entertain his awful wife every Saturday. Fuck that for a bunch of bananas. Tell DH to meet the friend at the pub to watch the game so you can get your weekend back.

Letshopeitsallok · 14/12/2018 18:19

I agree knitting sister. Hand the wife a cloth and tell her to make herself useful. She’ll soon get fed up cleaning your house.

But it would be better if the friend bought his own sky subscription and OP’s H went there to watch it.

Holidayshopping · 14/12/2018 18:47

What are you going to do, OP?

bunintheoven88 · 14/12/2018 18:50

OP you shouldn't have to cancel the sports channel just because of those two cf's!

Just pretend you have.....Xmas Grin

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/12/2018 19:01

Gahd! You hate spending 6 hours with her, and her husband's idea of "making it up to you" is an extra 3 hours of her company over dinner?!

MutantDisco · 14/12/2018 19:24

I'm Shock that you ship your DC out to GPs every Saturday so that you can clean. You and I have literally opposite priorities Grin

madcatladyforever · 14/12/2018 19:28

if that was me I'd tell her straight and I wouldn't give a monkeys what she says in return.

Chapellass · 14/12/2018 19:31

Why don't you text the wife and decline - both day and evening? This feels like a 1950s thread....why does your husband need to deal with it for you?

Fippy · 14/12/2018 19:35

JohnMcCainsDeathStare I reckon if anything could make me take up running, it would be trying to outrun that guest!

Original poster
BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 19:37

To clarify the DCs actually attend a sports hobby with grandparents for 2 hours rather than spending the day with them stuck at there house.

And I just want to say, I honestly really enjoy cleaning. I pop my headphones in and have a clean / dance about I find it really helps my depression having things in order as it’s something I can control. DH works long hours in a physical job most weeks he works maximum hours so I don’t begrudge him watching it.

DH has messaged and declined the meal. We have games night with the DC on Saturday and aren’t prepared to give that up. We are considering our options with how we handle the wife situation tho. I do like some of the suggestions here. I think we are going to have to be honest.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 14/12/2018 19:42

Personally I'd think your husband has to stop inviting them (and it is them) round every Saturday, tell them he's busy, or find another venue.

Original poster
BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 19:45

Chapellas - I don’t even have her number to deal with it myself.

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 14/12/2018 19:49

Then get your dh to ask her dh for her number.Just watch they dont gatecrash your games night tomorrow.

Charmlight · 14/12/2018 19:50

Well, that’s a good start, declining the meal.
This is your husband’s baby really. He needs to break the habit and make it so his mate comes by invitation only. You can then absent yourself for a while so she doesn’t expect you to be there.
I couldn’t stand the routine of that. I’d feel crushed.

ivykaty44 · 14/12/2018 19:51

So you explained you were busy but she still came along and then complained you were being rude as you were busy...?

I’d send text back saying lovely though really appreciate it but you’re not able to join them as have already made plans - as you knew dh would be watching footy.

Don’t elaborate on the plans - your housework is your business.

Don’t cancel sky, don’t make excuses

After tomorrow just text and say it’s not working as your wife hates footy and it puts a dampener on the afternoon

Tell the bloody truth

ivykaty44 · 14/12/2018 19:54

DH has said on numerous occasions to his friend his mrs is a nightmare and he agrees but he will “get it in the neck” his words if she’s at home alone all day on a Saturday.

Tell your dh to tell his mate

If you bring your wife round here again I’m going to get it in the neck from my wife as she is miserable