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Original poster

I cannot cope with this guest for any longer.

169 replies

BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 16:17

DH has a friend he’s known many years they used to work together. We used to go out for a meal with him and his wife every few months.
He’s fine but I find his wife very hard work, she’s very miserable and very negative never has anything positive to say about anything it’s all very doom and gloom and complaining about absolutely everything.
It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with her and there is a big age gap she’s almost 20 years older.

6 months ago they moved practically round the corner from us. So we did naturally start seeing more of them.

DH absolutely loves watching some football on a Saturday and watching the scores come in. Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t upto my standard.
His friend started to come over to watch the football as he doesn’t have the sports channels. Absolutely no problem,

But I have got a huge problem with the fact his wife has been joining him every single week, she absolutely detests football and does nothing but complain about it the whole time. I’m basically now having to entertain her. They come over for about 12ish and leave about 6:30. The endless complaining is honestly driving both me and DH round the bend.

Last week I told DH I honestly couldn’t cope with having her here again and I had loads to do round the house. He messaged his friend and said he was more than welcome to come but I was busy. His friend said no problem they understood.

Yet they both turned up she said she didn’t want to “miss out on all the fun” so I excused myself and said I was really busy and had things to do. I cracked on with what I was doing but I was called out for basically being rude and ignoring my guests by the wife. Had to bite my tongue really hard not to tell her that I hadn’t actually invited her.

DH knows exactly how I feel, he feels the same so I left it with him to sort this out with his friend.

He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. They will see us at 12 and we can go straight from here.

Obviously it’s a nice gesture on there behalf but i can’t cope with having to not only having his wife here for 7 hours and go out for a meal afterwards. I just can’t as she is honestly the most miserable person I’ve ever met.

Is it me, am I being really mean here?

I just don’t know how to get out of this situation with them.

OP posts:
Andylion · 14/12/2018 19:57

Make her a cup of tea when she arrives and then leave her to it.

Don't make her a cup of tea!

Original poster
BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 19:59

After rereading all the threads I’m inclined to go with Ellisandra’s suggestion of “I like seeing you but it’s not fair of my wife to host your wife each week”

I’m having a say in this as DH ballsed it up last time. As I said I don’t have a problem with his friend but I can’t be dealing with his wife every week. But it’s getting to a point that his friends invite is going to be withdrawn.

OP posts:
AdaColeman · 14/12/2018 20:09

I like the idea of giving her a large sponge and a bottle of Zoflora and pointing her towards the bathroom! Xmas Wink

But really this is her own husband's problem to deal with, not yours.
Why should you have to be miserable and inconvenienced in order to make her husband's life easier?

Don't go out to the dinner with them, they are doing that to put you in their debt, and it shows just how manipulative they are.
They are depending on you being polite and nice to them, trying to please them.
You need to put aside your people pleasing nature and tell them that the arrangement isn't working for you, so will cease immediately.

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
mammmamia · 14/12/2018 20:16

This would drive me crazy! Not read whole thread but YANBU.
I have a few friends like this. If we invite them round i always make up somewhere we have to be roughly 3 hours after they’ve arrived and make this clear up front.
Unless it’s in the evening in which it’s much more difficult, but I now have no problem with kicking people out when I’m ready to go to bed.

wafflyversatile · 14/12/2018 20:20

Cancel sky sports. Buy them sky sports for Christmas. Send your dh to theirs for 2 hours or so. Turn the music up so you don't hear the hell if she pops round.

Orchidflower1 · 14/12/2018 20:23

Just tell her the truth.

StartingGrid · 14/12/2018 20:33

What exactly did she say that made you think she thought you rude? Any reason why they can't go to the pub each week instead?

WilburforceRaven · 14/12/2018 20:35

Your h is being a wally. He needs to tell him mate the Sky's been cancelled.

Zoflorabore · 14/12/2018 20:38

Oh op this is the stuff of nightmares for me!
I have diagnosed OCD and Saturday is when I do my big clean. Dp works long hours all week so takes dd out and ds is either at his dad's or at the football.

I love my Saturdays, I also love cleaning and it helps with my OCD and my anxiety.
I don't know how you've managed to stay so calm. Unexpected guests completely throw me but people know what I'm like and on the whole respect it ( I suspect many people think I'm a bit crazy but I don't care )
and this woman is not your problem.

It's sad that in this day and age especially,
A woman ( or a man ) is unable to entertain themselves and have a bit of "me time" and she must rely heavily on her husband and is now doing the same to you.

I'm angry on your behalf. It stops now. You do not owe anybody an explanation. If this continues it will breed huge resentment towards your husband who is facilitating this. He needs to say no and mean it.

You are not responsible for this woman and your time, like everyone's, is precious. Do not waste it with people you don't enjoy.

Your husband doesn't need a play date every single Saturday.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 14/12/2018 20:46

Well done for turning down the meal.
Just do whatever you want tomorrow, have your headphones to hand and put them in the moment the door bell goes. If she comes with her husband, just casually wave and carry on with your cleaning, or mumsnetting with your headphones firmly in your ears.
You're not being rude, just having your usual Saturday, she's being rude turning up uninvited expecting to be entertained.

FuckingYuleLog · 14/12/2018 20:50

If your dh wants to see his friend and watch sports every Saturday then he needs to do it at the pub. Wife can join them if she can’t occupy himself.

FuckingYuleLog · 14/12/2018 20:50

*herself

DragonNoodleCake · 14/12/2018 20:57

I'd say I'm busy and then go out shopping on a Saturday 30 minutes before they arrive.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 14/12/2018 21:04

This would drove me insane. How fucking rude of her to impose herself on someone every Saturday afternoon. I’ve have to say look I’m sorry, I can’t be available for you every single Saturday, it’s my time and I have plans. No need to be arsey with her, you’re probably going to find yourself stuck with her at some point if your dhs are friends so probably best to try and be nice about it. Through gritted teeth.

MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig · 14/12/2018 21:05

I swear to god that said drive Hmm

ButteryParsnips · 14/12/2018 21:21

Your DH needs to tell his mate that due to them taking advantage of his invite to watch the football, by lumping you with his wife each time, the invite is now withdrawn. That's what happens when you don't play nicely.

Or, what ivy said above Smile

PavlovianLunge · 14/12/2018 21:34

How assertive are you, OP? I ask because it seems to me that one solution to this situation is for you to sit down with the wife and tell her what you’ve told us; you need your own time and space on Saturdays, and that while you appreciate the fact that she wants some company at the weekend, you don’t; not hers, not anybody’s. You could go further and tell her that you would prefer her not to visit, but if she does, you will not be able/willing to entertain her.

Good luck.

Returning2thesceneofthecrime · 14/12/2018 21:38

Glad you turned down the meal out.

Cowfacemonkey phrased it well, I think, when she suggested “look mate you can come watch football but really it needs to be just you as bigbrowndog feels she can’t make her own plans when you both come together”

That is polite and direct. Not much room for misunderstanding. If it doesn’t work, send them to the pub or say you have canceled sky sports this year and now it is mate’s turn to cough up for a year.

MistressDeeCee · 14/12/2018 21:58

She is very rude

She assigned you the role of captive audience for her moaning and bitching.

Id have to let it be awkward and just tell her straight, in your shoes. It's too much to deal with and I absolutely wouldn't let a dementor like that in my home and space.

In fact I bet other people have told them to fuck off out of it before, due to her nonsense. I can't imagine she has many friends, with her attitude.

Hopefully her H and your H can still be friends after you've binned her. I don't see why their friendship has to be disrupted

aintnopartylikeansclubparty · 15/12/2018 03:59

Why does your husband watch tv while you clean?

I'd tell him he sorts it immediately, or I stay at a hotel every weekend on my own and get a cleaner in.

justilou1 · 15/12/2018 04:02

I bet the crazy woman thinks you're her best (and only) friend.... prepare for guilt-trip central!

justilou1 · 15/12/2018 04:06

Also, it needs to be spelled out in very small words to crazy complainy pants woman that you never signed up for having either of them in the house on a weekly basis, let alone having your own weekly routine interrupted by entertaining HER! She chose to invite herself along, you were polite for far too long, and you simply can't do it any more!

BeanBagLady · 15/12/2018 04:37

“Friend, it’s great havjng a laugh and watching the footie, but your wife doesn’t seem to enjoy it, and Browndog has her stuff to do. She doesn’t want to be tied up in a parallel social occasion. Nothing personal, she just needs her weekend time, and not to be drawn into our Saturday afternoons. by havjng a meet up with your wife. To put it bluntly, the only invitation on a Saturday is for you to watch the footie with me.”

Holidayshopping · 15/12/2018 08:38

Does she not have friends of interests of her own?!

She sounds incredibly high maintenance and your DH’s mate (and your DH unless he steps up) are being very selfish-lumbering you with someone all day so they can have a play date without him ‘getting it in the neck’-that’s his problem not yours!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 15/12/2018 08:40

Have a nice day OP, send him to the pub, when he's had enough, he can always come home, leaving friend and wife there !
They are taking advantage big time.