Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I cannot cope with this guest for any longer.

169 replies

BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 16:17

DH has a friend he’s known many years they used to work together. We used to go out for a meal with him and his wife every few months.
He’s fine but I find his wife very hard work, she’s very miserable and very negative never has anything positive to say about anything it’s all very doom and gloom and complaining about absolutely everything.
It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with her and there is a big age gap she’s almost 20 years older.

6 months ago they moved practically round the corner from us. So we did naturally start seeing more of them.

DH absolutely loves watching some football on a Saturday and watching the scores come in. Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t upto my standard.
His friend started to come over to watch the football as he doesn’t have the sports channels. Absolutely no problem,

But I have got a huge problem with the fact his wife has been joining him every single week, she absolutely detests football and does nothing but complain about it the whole time. I’m basically now having to entertain her. They come over for about 12ish and leave about 6:30. The endless complaining is honestly driving both me and DH round the bend.

Last week I told DH I honestly couldn’t cope with having her here again and I had loads to do round the house. He messaged his friend and said he was more than welcome to come but I was busy. His friend said no problem they understood.

Yet they both turned up she said she didn’t want to “miss out on all the fun” so I excused myself and said I was really busy and had things to do. I cracked on with what I was doing but I was called out for basically being rude and ignoring my guests by the wife. Had to bite my tongue really hard not to tell her that I hadn’t actually invited her.

DH knows exactly how I feel, he feels the same so I left it with him to sort this out with his friend.

He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. They will see us at 12 and we can go straight from here.

Obviously it’s a nice gesture on there behalf but i can’t cope with having to not only having his wife here for 7 hours and go out for a meal afterwards. I just can’t as she is honestly the most miserable person I’ve ever met.

Is it me, am I being really mean here?

I just don’t know how to get out of this situation with them.

OP posts:
NoLeslie · 15/12/2018 08:49

I expect the wife has troubles of her own and likes OPs company, I am not going to join in with slagging her off. I do agree that this is not OPs responsibility though and a good idea is to Tell The Wife instead of hinting.

The cleaning/football arrangement would not work in my marriage and I hope your DC don't grow up thinking that is what quality time is for women!

Iloveacurry · 15/12/2018 08:53

I think your husband has got to say to his friend that they can’t come over anymore. If his friend can’t deal with his wife, then it’s not your problem.

Also when she complained that you were being rude etc when you were getting on with your household chores, why did you say anything then? She’s quite happy to be rude to you in your own home, just answer her back.

billybagpuss · 15/12/2018 08:53

I definitely think the handing her a bog brush and a bottle of bleach is the way to go.

Answer the door with a 'thank god you're here, the house is a tip'.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
billybagpuss · 15/12/2018 08:54

and yes why did you bite your tongue when she called you rude? it was the ideal time to say, 'sorry we did tell you I was busy'

Kintan · 15/12/2018 09:08

Gosh this is a nightmare situation for you OP, but this is really something your husband should have sorted out a long time ago. It’s really unfair that he has made his friend’s wife your problem despite knowing how unhappy you are about it. I would be focusing on why your husband has put you in this situation and then let it continue rather than on how annoying the friend’s wife is!
There doesn’t seem to be any reciprocity in this scenario either - why is your husband letting his friend freeload onto his sports channel subscription week after week anyway?

Quartz2208 · 15/12/2018 09:13

@noleslie I imagine the wife's issues are she has a husband who wants to spend all of his Saturday at someone elses house rather than spend time with her or help her with housework and then considers her to be a nightmare. Then gets someone else to spend time with her.

No wonder she is miserable - and given she is 20 years older than the OP has probably been in this marriage for 30+ years

I mean it makes me miserable thinking that these two men do this every saturday and have this attitude to women

vdbfamily · 15/12/2018 10:15

Your DHand his mate know that she is a bit of a nightmare so DH really needs to work with you on this one. They are both coming at his invitation so the invite needs to stop. He can watch footie on his own or they can all watch it somewhere else but they should not be invited to your house again. Simple.

sackrifice · 15/12/2018 10:45

'sorry we did tell you I was busy'

Or

'you come round my house uninvited and then complain? fuck off both of you, you are both pisstaking bastards'

sonjadog · 15/12/2018 12:20

So is she there now?

Oliversmumsarmy · 15/12/2018 13:09

Even when it was just a meal out she moaned.

The moaning I think has got into a habit

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 15/12/2018 13:12

It's gone 1pm, I wonder if Moaning Minnie has turned up?

ohfourfoxache · 15/12/2018 13:17

God she sounds like a nightmare Shock

I really hope she’s stayed away

Refilona · 15/12/2018 13:22

Make your dh meet his friend and watch the football at the pub. Why should you have to leave the house?!

SubtitlesOn · 15/12/2018 13:28

Really hope you are enjoying your cleaning with your headphones on

AdoreTheBeach · 15/12/2018 13:28

Wondering what’s happened today

thighofrelief · 15/12/2018 13:52

I don't understand why some couples are like Noah's Ark 2x2 it's pathological just trailing around after each other.

As I've got older I've got much more direct. If she turned up alone I'd say "gosh Mary, why have you turned up? We haven't arranged anything and I'm up to my eyes busy" and step out onto your front step which pushes them away.

But as she's turning up with her husband how do you let one in and turn the other away? Maybe go to your parents and stay there until your dh texts that she's gone. If he has to deal with her all the time he'll soon sort it.

HannahnotAgnes · 15/12/2018 14:04

Goodness Op, that sounds horrendous. Hope you got it sorted today.

TheHoundsofLove · 15/12/2018 14:54

Gosh, OP - I feel slightly panicky just reading this thread. You're very patient! I'm actually very easy going and totally non-confrontational, but there is absolutely no way that I would be able to put up with this, even if it was someone that I really liked spending time with. With someone that I didn't really like, I'd have lost my temper and put an end to it way before now! Like others have said, I think the easiest way is to both be 'busy' for the next few weekends, break the cycle and then your DH needs to make it clear that the invite only extends to his friend.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 15/12/2018 17:24

I hope your dh managed to sort it out for today and you got your own time

WhereYouLeftIt · 15/12/2018 17:50

"He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. "

"DH has messaged and declined the meal. We have games night with the DC on Saturday and aren’t prepared to give that up."

Oh thank god you declined! As others have said, accepting the invitation would be interpreted by them as permission to carry on with the current 'arrangement', with them taking you to dinner occasionally as 'payment'.

" We are considering our options with how we handle the wife situation tho. I do like some of the suggestions here. I think we are going to have to be honest."
Absolutely. TBH your husband's friend has now shown himself up to be a cheeky fucker. My jaw just dropped at "DH has said on numerous occasions to his friend his mrs is a nightmare and he agrees but he will “get it in the neck” his words if she’s at home alone all day on a Saturday. " So he knows he's inflicting a nightmare on you, and he's happy to do so. He's treating you a bit like a whipping boy - his wife will make you miserable instead of him. So armed with that thought, I would reassess whether you still think that "I don’t have a problem with his friend". I think you should have a very BIG problem with his friend, because it is his friend who is using you as a human shield. And for this reason, your husband should also have a big problem with his friend.

And I'd probably also point out to your husband that he is complicit in his friend's mistreatment of you - the very first time his friend whined that he would get it in the neck if he left his wife behind, your husband should have responded along the lines of 'I don't care. That's your problem, you don't get to make it my wife's problem. Either you come alone or not at all.'

dustarr73 · 15/12/2018 20:17

So op did they turn up today

Delatron · 15/12/2018 20:58

I don’t understand how this happens for 6
hours every Saturday.

Most people have plans, are busy!
You and your husband have allowed his to happen and now it’s a habit.

Just say you have plans on Saturday for the next month (most people do) you’ll catch up when you’re free next (in 6 months time). It’s
not that difficult.

DonaldDucksTowel · 15/12/2018 21:02

So you send your DC to their grandparents for 6 hours every Saturday so you can clean and your DH can watch the telly???
How do the grandparents feel about this?
How do the DC feel about it?
Why don’t you take your kids out for the day every once in a while and you won’t have this problem
Poor kids

todayiwin · 15/12/2018 21:21

Read the thread @DonaldDucksTowel

DC's have an activity that GP's take them too

OP is house proud and it helps with depression - I am exactly the same so I know this feeling only too well.

OP's DH works long and physical hours so relaxing on a Saturday is downtime

OP has already stated they have a games night on a Saturday

ihopeyouwitchesareready · 15/12/2018 21:34

did they turn up today op?

Swipe left for the next trending thread