Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

I cannot cope with this guest for any longer.

169 replies

BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 16:17

DH has a friend he’s known many years they used to work together. We used to go out for a meal with him and his wife every few months.
He’s fine but I find his wife very hard work, she’s very miserable and very negative never has anything positive to say about anything it’s all very doom and gloom and complaining about absolutely everything.
It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with her and there is a big age gap she’s almost 20 years older.

6 months ago they moved practically round the corner from us. So we did naturally start seeing more of them.

DH absolutely loves watching some football on a Saturday and watching the scores come in. Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t upto my standard.
His friend started to come over to watch the football as he doesn’t have the sports channels. Absolutely no problem,

But I have got a huge problem with the fact his wife has been joining him every single week, she absolutely detests football and does nothing but complain about it the whole time. I’m basically now having to entertain her. They come over for about 12ish and leave about 6:30. The endless complaining is honestly driving both me and DH round the bend.

Last week I told DH I honestly couldn’t cope with having her here again and I had loads to do round the house. He messaged his friend and said he was more than welcome to come but I was busy. His friend said no problem they understood.

Yet they both turned up she said she didn’t want to “miss out on all the fun” so I excused myself and said I was really busy and had things to do. I cracked on with what I was doing but I was called out for basically being rude and ignoring my guests by the wife. Had to bite my tongue really hard not to tell her that I hadn’t actually invited her.

DH knows exactly how I feel, he feels the same so I left it with him to sort this out with his friend.

He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. They will see us at 12 and we can go straight from here.

Obviously it’s a nice gesture on there behalf but i can’t cope with having to not only having his wife here for 7 hours and go out for a meal afterwards. I just can’t as she is honestly the most miserable person I’ve ever met.

Is it me, am I being really mean here?

I just don’t know how to get out of this situation with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 17:12

Some food for thought there thanks for the replies.

I have tried going out, she ended up coming out with me. I was put on the spot at the time and couldn’t think of a good reason.

I’ve been out before they have arrived too, twice she stayed regardless that I was out and the other time her DH messaged her to say I was back.

DH has said on numerous occasions to his friend his mrs is a nightmare and he agrees but he will “get it in the neck” his words if she’s at home alone all day on a Saturday.

I don’t see why I should have to be forced out of home each week but something does need to give.

Will speak to DH when he gets home about what to do tomorrow, but it’s not happening. It was making me anxious just thinking it’s Saturday tomorrow without having to put up with them all evening as well.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 14/12/2018 17:12

Your DH spends 6 hours on a Saturday with a friend whilst you do housework and then simply dealt with your issues with a text that did not put himself out at all

Mmmm this is as much a DH issue

LisaSimpsonsbff · 14/12/2018 17:13

I'm more surprised you spend your Saturday cleaning while your husband watches tv!

Thank god someone finally pointed this out - I felt like the only one who read this and thought 'WTF, why do none of the women in this story have hobbies? Why are the options clean or watch their husbands watch football?!'

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Relationship problems
hellojim · 14/12/2018 17:14

I wouldn't go to the meal, it seems to be their payment for Saturdays.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 14/12/2018 17:15

DH has said on numerous occasions to his friend his mrs is a nightmare and he agrees but he will “get it in the neck” his words if she’s at home alone all day on a Saturday.

Oh god, it's getting worse! This is all like some sort of misogynistic 'her indoors' joke from the 70s.

PuppyMonkey · 14/12/2018 17:15

Only real solution is LTB imho.Grin

Nanny0gg · 14/12/2018 17:19

Maybe the OP wants to clean?

Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t up to my standard.

Nanny0gg · 14/12/2018 17:20

DH has said on numerous occasions to his friend his mrs is a nightmare and he agrees but he will “get it in the neck” his words if she’s at home alone all day on a Saturday.

Which is the friend's problem,, not the OP's or her DH's.

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 17:22

Tell them that you've had to give up Sky sports.

PyongyangKipperbang · 14/12/2018 17:23

Well if he will get it in the neck then he should stay at home instead of dumping her on you.

And I would be telling him that. Either he comes alone or he doesnt come at all. End of.

HollowTalk · 14/12/2018 17:23

Don't go for the meal. You'll then be in their debt. And she won't suddenly become more interesting if you've got a nice dinner in front of you. You'll just have indigestion on top of everything else.

MeOldChina · 14/12/2018 17:24

I would also say we'd cancelled the sports and send them to the pub. I could not cope with even people I like being in my house that much.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 14/12/2018 17:24

I reckon an awesome way to get her not to tag along is get dressed up to running ( this might only work of you are into running) see if she'll tag along then!

GameofPhones · 14/12/2018 17:26

This man is freeloading on your sports tv subscription, disguising it as mateyness that includes the wives (regardless of the wives' actual wishes). Tell him to get his own subscription.

HJWT · 14/12/2018 17:28

@GameofPhones god you must not have friends 😂

HJWT · 14/12/2018 17:29

I would just tell DH he had to tell his mate he can't come round anymore either that or he can meet him at the pub, but every week is a bit excessive regardless to me....

Turquoise123 · 14/12/2018 17:31

Do they have nothing to do ?

Just say you are busy. I can't think that many people are ever free for this amount of time let alone on a weekly basis - very odd.

Shopping/gym/ hey see friends - people that are fun /whatever

DontCallMeCharlotte · 14/12/2018 17:33

Oh God I'm squirming for you!

If they're that keen on football, tell them to actually go out and watch their local team. It sounds like they watch all three matches on Sky on a Saturday? They're all taking the piss.

I'm not confrontational but I think for my sanity I would have to spell it out to them all.

Ohyesiam · 14/12/2018 17:33

Well does it matter that you were called out by the wife? I’d just carry on. But the only way to get rid of them is to cancel sky sports as pps have said.

Rudgie47 · 14/12/2018 17:33

For the meal I would say sorry we have plans and in future regarding your husband he sees the friend out of the house. If the husband pushes he can say your too busy to entertain full stop.
You need to put your foot down with your husband really and he needs to be helping more with the housework as well.

Flower777 · 14/12/2018 17:38

Honestly it’s shit like this that puts me off from trying to make new friend!

Quartz2208 · 14/12/2018 17:41

I have to say it sounds like its more the men in this situation rather than the woman

Both of them seem to think its ok to sit around all afternoon for 6 hours watching sports scores and (presumably) drinking beer and eating

Presumably his wife does not want to shock horror spend Saturday alone - instead of understanding this he labels her a nightmare and tries to find another woman to palm her off with rather than and here is a novel idea - doing something other than sitting on a sofa all day Saturday

It reminds me of the 1950s and my grandparents

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 14/12/2018 17:43

I would find this intolerable, it has to stop.
I am with @HollowTalk all the way, there is no other way.
Enough is enough BrownDog, lay it on the line.
If your DH wants to watch footy with his mate, off to the pub they go.
Sort it, you deserve better. Skip the meal.🌸

BookwormMe · 14/12/2018 17:44

Even if the wife was the nicest, funniest, most entertaining person I know I still wouldn't want to spend EVERY Saturday afternoon in her company. Weekends are sacred! If you honestly don't mind your DH spending all that time every week watching the football, cancel Sky Sports at home and let him spend what you paid for it in the pub every week and reclaim your house!

Or, which I would've done long before now, stop biting your tongue and tell her that her constant moaning and negativity is getting you down and if she's not happy you'd rather she stayed at home. Hopefully she'll take offence enough to stop coming round!

Ellisandra · 14/12/2018 17:49

You have to say no to dinner - as a PP says, it’s acceiting payment for this awful Sunday situation!

Your husband has to tell his friend - I like seeing you, but it’s not fair on my wife to have to host your wife every week, so you have to tell her that we (as a couple) don’t want you both here week in week out.

If he “gets it in the neck” for fucking off for 6 hours every Saturday, then he needs to sort out his relationship - himself.

Why is that he can’t get it in the neck, but it’s OK to upset everyone else?