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Original poster

I cannot cope with this guest for any longer.

169 replies

BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 16:17

DH has a friend he’s known many years they used to work together. We used to go out for a meal with him and his wife every few months.
He’s fine but I find his wife very hard work, she’s very miserable and very negative never has anything positive to say about anything it’s all very doom and gloom and complaining about absolutely everything.
It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with her and there is a big age gap she’s almost 20 years older.

6 months ago they moved practically round the corner from us. So we did naturally start seeing more of them.

DH absolutely loves watching some football on a Saturday and watching the scores come in. Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t upto my standard.
His friend started to come over to watch the football as he doesn’t have the sports channels. Absolutely no problem,

But I have got a huge problem with the fact his wife has been joining him every single week, she absolutely detests football and does nothing but complain about it the whole time. I’m basically now having to entertain her. They come over for about 12ish and leave about 6:30. The endless complaining is honestly driving both me and DH round the bend.

Last week I told DH I honestly couldn’t cope with having her here again and I had loads to do round the house. He messaged his friend and said he was more than welcome to come but I was busy. His friend said no problem they understood.

Yet they both turned up she said she didn’t want to “miss out on all the fun” so I excused myself and said I was really busy and had things to do. I cracked on with what I was doing but I was called out for basically being rude and ignoring my guests by the wife. Had to bite my tongue really hard not to tell her that I hadn’t actually invited her.

DH knows exactly how I feel, he feels the same so I left it with him to sort this out with his friend.

He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. They will see us at 12 and we can go straight from here.

Obviously it’s a nice gesture on there behalf but i can’t cope with having to not only having his wife here for 7 hours and go out for a meal afterwards. I just can’t as she is honestly the most miserable person I’ve ever met.

Is it me, am I being really mean here?

I just don’t know how to get out of this situation with them.

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 14/12/2018 16:52

Jeez that sounds awful. Does your DH have any ideas about how to handle it? I assume he still wants his friend to come round but neither of you want the wife?

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/12/2018 16:53

Can your DH watch the football at the pub?

itbemay · 14/12/2018 16:53

what @cowfacemonkey said - your DH needs to deal with this one...

Interested in this thread?

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Relationship problems
HouseworkIsASin10 · 14/12/2018 16:54

I'd have buggered off out every time she turned up, sod the housework.
She'd have soon got the hint.

Don't go to the meal.

gamerchick · 14/12/2018 16:55

You know she didn't mind calling you out so do it right back at her. Tell her you don't want to. Short and sweet.

Do it, it's very liberating. She didn't care about your feelings when she said/implied you were rude did she? It might give her a start.

HollowTalk · 14/12/2018 16:55

I would give my husband an hour to sort it out or Sky Sports would be cancelled. I know it drives him mad but he has his mate there. You are spending half of your weekend with a woman you hate (and I don't blame you.) It's not fair. Tell him to get it sorted or SS goes.

ShinyPinkLipgloss · 14/12/2018 16:56

There’s no way I’d be taking myself out of my own house to accommodate a miserable woman! She needs to be told to bog off! Her calling you out for being “rude” would have been the perfect window of opportunity. I’d tell her firmly that you’re not willing to spend time with her.

TheFatberg · 14/12/2018 16:56

No way would I leave the house! Especially not this close to Christmas on a Saturday afternoon.

Ated · 14/12/2018 16:57

Cancel the sports channel.

dustarr73 · 14/12/2018 16:58

So you get rid of your kids and you are left with them.I think every Saturday football has to be knocked on the head.Its the only time you get to yourselves.If she was outstraight i think its perfectly fine for you to be as well.

Tell them you have stuff to do tomorrow and you will meet them at the pub.And then after that be busy forever.

BillyGoatGruff007 · 14/12/2018 16:59

Oh yes. I had this every bloody Saturday afternoon for years.
In the end, I made arrangements to be somewhere else every weekend until the guest got the message. In my case it was sometimes arriving as early as ten in the morning and not leaving until gone seven.

Oliversmumsarmy · 14/12/2018 17:00

Have you ever told her to stop moaning.

Crimbobimbo · 14/12/2018 17:00

Today 16:55 HollowTalk

I would give my husband an hour to sort it out or Sky Sports would be cancelled. I know it drives him mad but he has his mate there. You are spending half of your weekend with a woman you hate (and I don't blame you.) It's not fair. Tell him to get it sorted or SS goes.*

This with (Christmas) bells on.

NotAColdWomanHenry · 14/12/2018 17:00

OMG how RUDE, I would be fuming! You've never invited her, you've basically spelt out that you're not available, she calls you out on it then does this "to say thanks" but really to make you feel bad if you don't have her there all afternoon!

I absolutely hate situations like this but as I've got older I've got better at saying no. You can say no to the dinner out etc as you have plans, but also in general. "I'm not available on Saturdays. I enjoy catching up with the housework while the boys watch footy. I am not in for guests." If she's too thick skinned to get that, you'll have to go out (or hide and pretend you're out) for a few weeks until she realises you're not going to play along.

slappinthebass · 14/12/2018 17:01

Wait, you ship your children off to their grandparents EVERY Saturday and your DH just watches football on TV? Every week? Misses point of thread How about you get rid of the bloody TV/Sky and go out as a family to break the habit of them coming over. All sounds very dull.

Heartofglass21 · 14/12/2018 17:04

I would imagine that there will be something Christmas related going on tomorrow - tell this couple you will be going to that, rather than staying in, but you will meet them for the meal in the evening. Then, during the course of the meal, DH can tactfully explain that this every Saturday afternoon date to watch sports won't be happening from now on because the local pub with widescreen TV is better and his mate's DW will have to find her own entertainment.

Maybe she's lonely and has no friends, perhaps that's why she's tagging along to things she's not interested in. However, that is not your problem and up to her to sort out. Good luck Flowers

dustarr73 · 14/12/2018 17:04

Now if i didnt think any better,i would swear the husband goes over to get away from his dw.I wonder why

DontDribbleOnTheCarpet · 14/12/2018 17:05

Tell her you've taken up taxidermy and ask if she wants to join you in your studio. I think a pp was correct in diagnosing your sudden and contagious illness, but in the longer term I suggest taxidermy or other suitably repellent hobby.

PickAChew · 14/12/2018 17:05

I would make myself very unavailable on a Saturday from now on. Change your routine, if you have to. Just don't be there.

KingLooieCatz · 14/12/2018 17:06

Why cancel Sky Sports? Just tell them you've cancelled Sky Sports.

Even if they suspect you're lying there's not a lot they can do about it.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 14/12/2018 17:07

It looks like the meal is a way of them keeping the current arrangement in place, it will be much harder to say you don’t want her there next week, if they’ve bought you a meal the weekend below.

I’d get your dh to tell his mate he’s more than welcome to come over but you’ve too much on to be entertaining his dw for 6 hrs every Saturday. And say no to the meal too

sprouts21 · 14/12/2018 17:08

I'm more surprised you spend your Saturday cleaning while your husband watches tv!

Puzzledandpissedoff · 14/12/2018 17:09

Is there a local Working Mens' Club nearby that the husband could be directed to, they always show the sports?

I was wondering that too. Better still, if OP would enjoy the peace, both DH and the friend could go

As for the meal, I'd thank them but say you only have time for the meal rather than spending hours together

Pinkyyy · 14/12/2018 17:09

I will just point out that you accepting the invitation and going for the meal is basically confirmation to them that you're happy for this to continue. Consider that when you make your decision

GinandGingerBeer · 14/12/2018 17:09

Just text them 'sorry we have a lot on 2 mo and the kids already have plans with friends. Merry Christmas. Stick a candle where the sun don't shine, @BigBrownDog