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Original poster

I cannot cope with this guest for any longer.

169 replies

BigBrownDog · 14/12/2018 16:17

DH has a friend he’s known many years they used to work together. We used to go out for a meal with him and his wife every few months.
He’s fine but I find his wife very hard work, she’s very miserable and very negative never has anything positive to say about anything it’s all very doom and gloom and complaining about absolutely everything.
It also doesn’t help that I have absolutely nothing in common with her and there is a big age gap she’s almost 20 years older.

6 months ago they moved practically round the corner from us. So we did naturally start seeing more of them.

DH absolutely loves watching some football on a Saturday and watching the scores come in. Our DC go to the grandparents and I use the day to catch up on all the housework. I am really quite houseproud and I get anxious if the house isn’t upto my standard.
His friend started to come over to watch the football as he doesn’t have the sports channels. Absolutely no problem,

But I have got a huge problem with the fact his wife has been joining him every single week, she absolutely detests football and does nothing but complain about it the whole time. I’m basically now having to entertain her. They come over for about 12ish and leave about 6:30. The endless complaining is honestly driving both me and DH round the bend.

Last week I told DH I honestly couldn’t cope with having her here again and I had loads to do round the house. He messaged his friend and said he was more than welcome to come but I was busy. His friend said no problem they understood.

Yet they both turned up she said she didn’t want to “miss out on all the fun” so I excused myself and said I was really busy and had things to do. I cracked on with what I was doing but I was called out for basically being rude and ignoring my guests by the wife. Had to bite my tongue really hard not to tell her that I hadn’t actually invited her.

DH knows exactly how I feel, he feels the same so I left it with him to sort this out with his friend.

He’s now had a message to say they have booked a table at out local for tomorrow for us all and the DC for 7pm to show there appreciation for us having to put up with them both week in and week out. They will see us at 12 and we can go straight from here.

Obviously it’s a nice gesture on there behalf but i can’t cope with having to not only having his wife here for 7 hours and go out for a meal afterwards. I just can’t as she is honestly the most miserable person I’ve ever met.

Is it me, am I being really mean here?

I just don’t know how to get out of this situation with them.

OP posts:

Avrannakern · 15/12/2018 21:36

She must have known all along that she is not welcome. She doesn't care. Hope it went well today if you had to be blunt.

dulcefarniente · 16/12/2018 08:39

What happened OP?

Coffeebean76 · 16/12/2018 10:50

Gahd! You hate spending 6 hours with her, and her husband's idea of "making it up to you" is an extra 3 hours of her company over dinner?!

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notapizzaeater · 16/12/2018 11:10

I had friends like this only the6 turned up every night after tea and stayed till bedtime - I tried being polite and telling them nicely we needed our space, I was rude and used to get in the bath as soon as they turned up, we tried everything. They'd stop for a couple of days and be back. We eventually moved out !

Original poster

BigBrownDog · 22/12/2018 10:40

I totally forgot to come back and update the thread.

The good news is they didn’t come over last week.

One of the Children wasn’t well so DH had a duvet day with her watching films.

I took the other to club and did a bit of last minute shopping. His friend did ask to come over Sunday instead but DH said no.

I’ve now calmed down about it all and told DH he needs to deal with it. Today the DC and grandparents are going out for there Xmas meal for club, I am going to drive them there and back so GPs can have some wine with there meal so I may go for a wander round the shops but that depends if Negative Nelly comes round or not.

OP posts:

KatKit16 · 22/12/2018 10:48

That would absolutely do my head in. My time is precious and almost being forced to entertain every week for prolonged periods would break me. I would never impose myself on someone else in this way (maybe I'm just miserable).
Maybe she doesn't trust him & is following him around to make sure he is where he says??
you'll just have to be blunt & say you'd prefer not to do every week.

bullyingadvice2017 · 22/12/2018 10:57

Have you got another friend who is maybe loud and outspoken, maybe you could turn up back at home with her in tow . Have a few drinks and a laugh. If negative nelly is there friend could say , bloody hell this is miserable always talking about doom and gloom, it's Christmas no one wants to be moaning or listen to it!

GetOffTheTableMabel · 22/12/2018 11:15

I think PavlovianLunge has it really. Your explanations on this thread about how you organise your weekend make perfect sense. You have a rhythm and a routine that suits your family. It sets you up for the week ahead and puts you in charge of your depression. That’s something to be proud of. I think that if you just explained that to Negative Nelly over a cup of tea, she’d have to accept it. It’s honest and it’s not rude or unkind. You’re just explaining why you cannot entertain her on Saturdays. Who could argue with that?

mammmamia · 22/12/2018 11:15

Go round the shops anyway!! even if she comes. You had plans. Tough

Wauden · 22/12/2018 12:03

OP, I have an acquaintance like this. She is so negative about everything, it can be joyless. Takes things the wrong way if I suggest something would be I interesting or fun, it is odd.

It starts with in seconds of a conversation and is depressing. She did have a bad start in life, I try and give her slack, but its draining.
She wasn't like this when I first met her.

Holidayshopping · 22/12/2018 12:03

His friend did ask to come over Sunday instead but DH said no.

That really is odd that he wants to spend so much time at your house?!

Delatron · 22/12/2018 14:00

It’s odd that you are still having to think about it and consider them every weekend.
I may go for a wander round the shops but that depends on whether negative Nelly comes round or not

Your free time is dictated by these people.
Just tell them both quite clearly that you have plans for the next month at least. Every time they ask say ‘no, like we said we’re busy’
It’s really not hard. I don’t see my best friends every weekend let alone people I don’t like who impose on me.

Wauden · 25/12/2018 23:28

Good luck for next weekend!
What is the strategy? Keep us posted!

SushiMonster · 26/12/2018 00:09

DH has to put his big boy pants on and tell his mate the football afternoon invite is only for him, not his wife, because you have your own plans on Saturdays.

RebootYourEngine · 26/12/2018 09:02

The woman was rude to call you rude however I feel a bit sorry for her.
Every week her dh buggers off to watch the football and leaves her alone. Maybe she wants to spend time with her dh.

OP it's not your job to entertain her. Make whatever plans that you want regardless of what the wife is doing.

bastardkitty · 26/12/2018 09:05

They are obviously building up to swinging with you and DH. Just don't engage because they are ridiculous.

MsChookandtheelvesofFahFah · 26/12/2018 09:11

I feel sorry for the wife. The dh sounds horrible and selfish, no wonder she's miserable. Not your problem though op, and you and dh need to break the routine. What a waste of a Saturday!

itsbetterwithoutyou · 29/12/2018 22:19

Wonder if she turned up today?

CoraPirbright · 30/12/2018 19:49

What happened yesterday OP? Were you lumbered with the fun sponge again? Really unfair of the other dh to use you as a human shield....

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