If you're up and about, why are you awake?

[AbsentmindedWoman]

Waves at fellow night owls.

I've just made a pot of coffee, as have a deadline tomorrow and lost ground this afternoon being faint and ill and useless. My blood sugar has zoomed up to 20 after a crappy hypo, but I'm doing ok for now, though obviously would prefer to be in bed.

If you're up and no plans for sleep yet, what are you doing?

The thing is I'm not remotely sorry. I'm angry and I'm frustrated, but I'm not sorry. What they did to me wasn't right. But tomorrow I will put on the performance of a lifetime. If I can stomach it in my own heart.

Sorry to hear it 1MillionSelfiesTakenByMyKids. MH issues in the family, check. DC with mild SEN, check. Hopefully your move will be smooth and a great new beginning.

The longer version of the story is that I was raped about five months ago. Nothing was progressing with the case, so I texted the case officer that I want to withdraw my statement, I don't want to proceed and I feel suicidal. She sent two officers out to me. I was drinking and not entirely with it. They kept asking me are you suicidal, I was just saying Yes, now fuck off and let me die in peace. So they called an ambulance and dragged me into it, which is where I apparently assaulted the Police Officer. Oh fuck it. Don't really remember much of it apart from desperately trying to defend myself. Don't know whether to plead guilty or not guilty.

Do what you've got to do jezebel

I have anxiety...just worrying about work and all the stuff I have to do. Need to be up at 5am, will have a long day in office and have a coursework deadline tomorrow. So important I have a good sleep....but I can't! I've also spent the last ten mins crying because I can't turn my brain off

X post Jezebel. Im sorry for what you've been through. Surely if you're honest, explain all that...they will understand the circs? Your solicitor really needs to argue that point and request them to be lenient.

I actually don't know whether I'm guilty or not. But I do remember desperately trying to not be dragged into the ambulance.

Such is life eh?

It's the crime that keeps on giving.

Still awake
Going to be another night of elusive sleep. It's driving me crazy.

Hate that I can't sleep on my iwn, hate that I miss an abusive arsehole, hate that he still has so much control, and hate, hate, hate how I can't get him out of my head

@Thejezebel that is truly shit. Where are you now?

@Ollivander84 that's promising. I think I have £50 spare surprisingly so I'm going to have a proper look into it! Do you use those dedicated websites?

Vannellope shit isn't it?
Fresh start will be good for DS and has been good for DH. Its2going to be fucking awful for me. My friends and parents are here. I lean on them when im having to be the tower of strength my husband and children need. Am desperate to move just to get it over with and terrified of being stuck with a suicidal husband, struggling kids and all hours away from my wonderful parents, friends, GP etc etc. I know nobody where we're moving.

Tell me more about your situation? How old's your DC? What do they struggle with?

I'm at home. x

Thejezebel I'd advise you (for what its worth) to tell the truth as you have here, decline to accept a caution, and leave the ball in their court. I doubt the CPS will choose to prosecute.

You may have to say you want your case vigorously pursuing, though.

I'm no expert though. Good luck to you.

jezebel - have you had any counselling or MH help at all? It hardly seems surprising that a woman who has been assaulted might resist being forcibly moved against her will...
Dont they have any, you know, actual criminals to deal with ffs?

What does my case vigorously pursuing mean?

Well I'm apparently a criminal now for assaulting a police officer!

to Jezebel how truly horrific for you. I hope your ok.

LadyGaggia try a fizzy drink. Also sometimes if I'm anxious i get a lump in my throat. If i remind myself it's psychosomatic and do some deep breathing it goes. Unless of course you've eaten a spoon or something.

Why am I awake? I think I'm just an idiot. I wake up exhausted then buzz around all day then i have to force myself not to fall asleep at about 5pm. Then I get over excited and won't go to bed until about 1am. Scared I'll miss out if I'm asleep i think?

No, I haven't had counselling.

@Thejezebel I don't know how these things work tbh but don't accept a caution, tell them what you've said here. You would hope they would show some leniency with regards to what you've been going through. Things like this piss me off no end. You're a victim. I'm sorry you were raped and it's taking so long for you to get justice.

Do you have 'real life' support?

Stupid chest infection. Currently proving impossible to find a position in which I am capable of both breathing and sleeping so prioritising the former

Anyway, hope all you night owls get some sleep.

Thejezebel

I remember your original thread about this, and I am so glad that you are in a better place now.

I agree with the PP that telling as much of the truth as you can remember and refusing a caution. They will rely on you accepting a caution as you will be scared and want it over with, that counts as success in their stats. But the CPS will need to know that they have a reasonable chance of conviction before they take it court and it doesnt sound like they will have.

Good luck

I mean it might might sense for you not to let the police 'off the hook' by dropping your rape case. I understand that you want to though, and why you want to. There's a lot of posters on here with personal experience of this horrible roller coaster

Madame, you don't sound very well. Are you asthmatic?

Insomnia

Currently trying to write a shopping list for tomorrow. My first time in Aldi, any product recommendations? I've been told to buy candles, diffusers and Prosecco.