DP has spent an hour trying to collect 5 yr old from a play date

[Eastie77]

I'm at a loss. DD is 5 years old and went to a play date at a friends house today. DP went to pick her up at 6:30pm. Her friend only lives 5 minutes away so I've been wondering where he got too. He just turned up, his voice shaking saying he "cannot remove her" from her friends house, she is running around their sofa laughing, refusing to put her shoes on and will not come home. He left the house without her as he "couldn't take it anymore" after spending nearly an hour chasing around after her

I am in bed ill with DS who is also ill and he expected me to get dressed and go and get her! I have sent him back to fetch her and he has angrily left the house. I reminded him that he is a GROWN man surely capable of picking up a 5 year old child, putting her over his shoulder and walking out of the house?!! I feel like I'm in some kind of parallel universe here.

I'm friends with the play dates mother but god knows what she must be thinking..

Some of my friends were talki g about how their child "grew out of" tantrums and I said no, it doesn't happen naturally. If you parent effectively then they learn how to control themselves. I know eleven year old who have tantrums and it isn't pretty.

and neither her nor DP were able to control the situation due to exhaustion

I'm assuming, of course, that you've long since given up having sex with this man.

I mean, aside from it being much too draining and exhausting for him, it must be completely repellent for you.

I'm assuming, of course, that you've long since given up having sex with this man.

I mean, aside from it being much too draining and exhausting for him, it must be completely repellent for you.

smiling, I do take them into those shops and I do say no but I always feel guilty about it. I hate upsetting them and never feel I know the right thing to do. Frequently I’ll buy them little things even though financially it would be much better not to.

Why would you not only admit this but put it forward as an argument in favour of the husband?!

Rainbow, surely you are joking

I can't work out if rainbow is serious?

About buying stuff from shops etc? Yes I am serious. It is really hard to know when to say no or not, especially if it seems completely arbitrary. There are absolutely no instructions for parenting.

I was just trying to say I feel sorry for OP’s partner as it is hard to walk past a park with kids and say you can’t go in and it sounds as if the kids are not ready to go in coats and shoes when he comes to get them. I do say no to parks etc myself but feel guilty each time as being a child should be about stuff like playing in parks. Anyway, I’m leaving this thread now.

No it isn't.

Don't have the spare budget then you say no

No time to stop at the park then say no.

It isn't hard.

Jesus, reading this thread has reminded me why we teachers have so many kids in school whose behaviour is a flipping nightmare. We often wonder aloud if some of them have ever heard the word no. Seems from some posts on here that a fair few haven't.

What the actual fuck. If the play date had been at my house I would have put the little menace under my arm and taken her to the car myself! I am honestly aghast that someone can be that incompetent.

There are absolutely no instructions for parenting.

Oh come on?! Most of its common sense surely.
You are the parent. They are the child. Guidelines and boundaries. Because if you don't do it now god bloody help you when they are teens as they will be monsters.

That reminds me of the very nice but wet and doting mum I knew once. Her son had a slight trip in the playground and lay on the floor crying for an hour refusing to get up. ( He was unhurt.) He also insisted that he couldn't sit on the floor with the other children at my son's party when they were playing Pass the parcel and had to be seated on a small chair more or less in the centre of the circle like a young Prince. When he won the gift he threw it on the floor because he said he didn't like it. Little angel.

I bet he felt like an absolute prat. Maybe this will propel him to be less feeble and be more able as his ego won't want to feel like that again!

Rainbow children benefit from being told no. You want to be a nice parent, but in fact you're doing the opposite. Kids with little in the way of boundaries and 'no' are very insecure often leading to a lifetime on MH issues.

Your prioritising your feelings at that moment, over their feelings for the rest of their lives.

Ugh I know a few 'wet blanket' parents. It's so frustrating to watch them wringing their hands in despair at how to control their children. I always think it must be so much more difficult to have to constantly battle with disobedient children than to just say no and stick to it.

Rainbow is probably trolling.

If not, then she/he is a crap parent - your poor DC will grow up with real issues.

good luck rainbow u were my parents with my younger dsis she now thinks the world owes her because she always got what she wanted

Maybe this will propel him to be less feeble and be more able as his ego won't want to feel like that again!

Hahaha. Yeah right. What it will propel him to do is point blank refuse to do any more parenting because it's too much like hard work to do properly.

If my children won't come home at the end of a play date I usually say "if you won't behave and come home now, you will not be going on another play date for quite some time"
Then wait for 5 mins, then collect their shoes and put them in front of you and say "its time to go"
Then catch the bugger, take them home.
If this took a long time then a nice bollocking at home about their naughty behavior at other peoples houses usually does it.

My husband always had to play 'good cop' and I was often incredibly frustrated, having to beg him not to give in to their wishes, when I was trying to teach the children to behave properly. They would obviously take the path of least resistance, which was their father.

He sat back and quite obviously couldn't be bothered or thought he was scoring daddy points. Even making faces behind me from when they were small, whenever I was having to tell someone off for hurting a sibling or lying about something. He still makes faces behind me to this day, even when I'm just chatting with them. They no longer find it so funny these days. He has throughout our marriage been extremely competitive, even down to who the kids like more, which is complete nonsense.

Fast forward a decade or two and I'm the parent our offspring respect. I'm not bragging, I think it's incredibly sad that they don't feel they can rely on both parents to guide them through life decisions. Plus I'm tired of listening to my husband whine about how they don't show him enough respect. My life would be inevitably easier if they felt they could rely on both of us and respected us equally.

He complains now that I need to support him more, hello karma please take a seat, even if I don't agree with his side of whatever the argument is that he's having with one of them. I'm supposed to MAKE them show him more respect.

If your husband wants grown offspring who not just love but respect him too, he needs to start parenting them now, and stop behaving as though he only wants to be liked. He's their father, not their mate.

I'm certainly not trying to school you btw, having been in your position, but I think his future relationship with them is something he needs to consider.

Having had to wrestle a very strong 6 yr old into school today I can confirm it can be done 😂😭

Eastie, I think you need to talk to your childminder about her having a stern talk with your Ds, about him obeying her rules when he is at her house even if a parent is there to pick up.
The rule is getting shoes and coats on when told, and no picking up stones on the way out. She is also allowed to tell your Ds off and tell him to put the stones back now. If your Dh is such a wet lettuce, give her permission to take them off your Ds when she sees him do it.
Sounds like your Dh is so wet he may well welcome someone else taking charge.
I'd want to introduce him to some of those self centred, I'm the centre of the universe kids too, as that is what will happen to his own child if he continues to be such a weak and innefective parent. He needs to man up.

@Sasstal67 wow and how do you respect him? That’s really awful, he sounds like a complete numpty

Sass I was livid just reading your description of your husbands face pulling behind your back. My ex H was like this. Always took their side as though I was being a big meanie and he had to protect them from my scary discipline . I wanted to kill him my the time the marriage broke up and I am grateful almost daily that I no longer have to deal with it.

@AhoyDelBoy he is, but he has his moments and I'm not perfect, so we rub along. Tbh I really do struggle to find much respect within me for him but I do love him. Though I also look at some of the great dad's on tv and feel a bit sad that my children didn't have that sort of relationship with their dad. Being a typical mum, I feel a certain level of guilt for that.

@CarolDanvers can I ask what his relationship is like with your children now? I sometimes wonder if our kids would have a better relationship with their dad now, if we'd parted long ago, as we almost did several times.