DP has spent an hour trying to collect 5 yr old from a play date

[Eastie77]

I'm at a loss. DD is 5 years old and went to a play date at a friends house today. DP went to pick her up at 6:30pm. Her friend only lives 5 minutes away so I've been wondering where he got too. He just turned up, his voice shaking saying he "cannot remove her" from her friends house, she is running around their sofa laughing, refusing to put her shoes on and will not come home. He left the house without her as he "couldn't take it anymore" after spending nearly an hour chasing around after her

I am in bed ill with DS who is also ill and he expected me to get dressed and go and get her! I have sent him back to fetch her and he has angrily left the house. I reminded him that he is a GROWN man surely capable of picking up a 5 year old child, putting her over his shoulder and walking out of the house?!! I feel like I'm in some kind of parallel universe here.

I'm friends with the play dates mother but god knows what she must be thinking..

I'm not really sure how that box will help mummy. My motivation to listen to my parents was I knew there would be hell to pay if I didn't!

Well as a parent I would be annoyed at a childminder having a garden full of tempting things for children to take (the stones) which would make drop offs and pick ups a nightmare. Seems a ridiculous thing for a childminder to have and not fair on the children. Almost like sweets at a shop counter. If it has been happening for ages then why hasn’t she changed her garden?

Plus any childminder I know gets the coats and shoes on DC prior to or at pick up and helps you get them out of the door.

@rainbow bright rules why shouldn't a childminder have nice things in and around her home. Children have to learn that they can't gave what they want when they want it. Do you never take your children into shops that sell toys/games/swerts/cake etc etc that are tempting to a child just in case they might be tempted and want it?? Does that mean that a childminder can't have great equipment and resources in case the children want to take them home and will have a melt down if they can't. My childminder had fab resources and my children knew they could not keep any of them and would not have dreamed of picking up stuff from her garden. OP your oh would drive me to drink and best of luck when your kids hit their teens it's hard enough with 2 parents on the same page when one is weak it a circle of hell

Don't know why all those appeared

I remember watching one of those parenting gurus when DS was little, possibly the amazing Tanya Byron. She was dealing with a couple where the Mother was parenting fairly well but the Dad was all about being a friend to the child and would never tell him off, and would often side with him against the Mother. He couldn't stand for the child to dislike him. Tanya Bryron said to him that the boy would always have friends, all through his life, one friend more or less made no difference to him. But he only had one chance at having a father, and if he missed this chance to have a father it would damage him forever. Having a father who didn't teach him how to grow into a man was worse than not having a father at all.

Blimey, drip feeding going on now. So, this wasn't a one off, and you have actually had to change your hours, because your DP can't pick the children up from a child minder? That alone is gobsmacking.

I think it is time for a family chat about rules and boundaries, to re-enforce exactly what your expectations are.

And, as for your DP, either he takes this seriously, or he may as well not be there. Does he not realise the damage he is doing?

smiling, I do take them into those shops and I do say no but I always feel guilty about it. I hate upsetting them and never feel I know the right thing to do. Frequently I’ll buy them little things even though financially it would be much better not to.

But it’s a bad habit to get into Rainbow , they shouldn’t expect something most times they happen to be in a shop.

I can’t believe you’ve had to change your work hours to accommodate this OP !

RainbowBriteRules there's something wrong with you.
The child minder shouldn't have a nice house or garden because some twat can't stop his child taking things that don't belong to him? You buy stuff you can't afford because you can't say no?
Catch yourself on.

@RainbowBriteRules - surely any parent would want their childminder’s house and garden to have plenty of fun things in them?

Are you really saying that the childminder shouldn’t have any fun stuff - which would mean the children being minded in a funless and boring house - because it might make it harder for parents to get the children to go home? Better to have children who are bored all day than a parent has to - well - parent a bit?

No, I only mean not loads of fun stuff in the garden in the way out to tempt them on the way out! Fun stuff in the house and play areas is great.

Leave the fairy fucker

Rainbow they're stones for goodness sake but frankly even if there was a swing set, sand pit and a flipping fairy fort it's still up to the PARENT to control the situation! I mean you're suggesting that the CM changing her garden is a valid option ffs .

Seriously, parents who wibble and wring their hands about how guilty they feel if their child is upset and how they just can't bear to see their child cry are imo indulging themselves at their dcs expense! They can't stand to be the bad guy so don't bother preparing their children for the world outside their home.

I’m a cm and I have had several parents like this dad who just can’t make the kids leave. Kids who want to take one of my toys home and the parent has asked me and then said “oh BT says you can’t...” A dad asked me last week how to say no. It used to be the grandparents who were softer, now it’s the parents scared to say no to children.

I am a little stunned at his complete incompetence! You have had to change hours of work becuase he is a fucking idiot? Anyfucker was right you should have ltb yrs ago.

My DH used to be the one who struggled to say no to the DC; funnily enough he is losing patience as they age and is now much more ready to shout (roar, as they call it) because according to him they should know how to behave by now. They know how to behave for ME by now alright; it's him who's just expected it all to magically click on in their heads at age 7. I wonder if your DP will be the same op.

Rainbowbrites, you are being ridiculous.

You surely cannot seriously be saying that childminders should have dull and boring gardens or homes because wishy washy parents cannot parent and take charge of their children.

Then, you say that you buy stuff for yours in shops when it would be financially better not to. So your own children are not learning the meaning of the word no.

I'm afraid you are coming across as one of those wishy washy parents.

@RainbowBriteRules there's something wrong with you.

Yep! It’s parents like Rainbow and the OP’s idiot P raising the next generation of CF’s. I feel for you OP. Your P genuinely sounds like a spineless fool. Sorry.

Sorry OP but I'm chortling at how ridiculous this all is. 😂😂😂

You need to sort this for your children or they will become spoiled and miss out on opportunities.

DS had a friend like your DD. We stopped inviting him to do stuff or come over as he was too much hassle.

Some folk are simply not cut out to be effective parents

The fact that your DP won't even consider that he's got very poor parenting skills, is the basis of the problem imo

I think you're going to have to play uber hard ball here

There's going to have to be big consequences if he doesn't learn to parent effectively

Otherwise your kids are going to suffer

There's going to have to be big consequences if he doesn't learn to parent effectively

There will be in 8+ years when the teen years hit. And before that really with increasingly bad behaviour and her brother following suit. Unfortunately, the worst consequences are reserved for the little girl herself. If this kind of nonsense continues she won’t be invited back to places and will just truffle in life generally. I really could not deal with a P like this. What a turn off!

Struggle in life generally