DP has spent an hour trying to collect 5 yr old from a play date

[Eastie77]

I'm at a loss. DD is 5 years old and went to a play date at a friends house today. DP went to pick her up at 6:30pm. Her friend only lives 5 minutes away so I've been wondering where he got too. He just turned up, his voice shaking saying he "cannot remove her" from her friends house, she is running around their sofa laughing, refusing to put her shoes on and will not come home. He left the house without her as he "couldn't take it anymore" after spending nearly an hour chasing around after her

I am in bed ill with DS who is also ill and he expected me to get dressed and go and get her! I have sent him back to fetch her and he has angrily left the house. I reminded him that he is a GROWN man surely capable of picking up a 5 year old child, putting her over his shoulder and walking out of the house?!! I feel like I'm in some kind of parallel universe here.

I'm friends with the play dates mother but god knows what she must be thinking..

Well given that OP has said play date mum is a relaxed parent and also that she suggested a sleepover she didn’t seem bothered!

If I was sick of having a random bloke in my house for an hour who was so useless he went home to hassle his sick partner I might offer too. not because I actually wanted an extra 5 year old but more out of pity for the mum.

How can you want to shag this weak inadequate man?

The whole OP basically made my vagina fuse shut.

whats going to happen though is you will have to deal with the fallout when shes older

when shes ranting that she wants to go out at midnight and your dp says ok coz he doesnt want to upset her and youre the bad guy who says no way

then he turns it on u and says dont be silly

How has he managed to father a child when

a) he's the kind of charmer who wants his sick partner to get out of bed and do his job for him, and

b) he actually has no balls

Have I ever felt bad when my kids are wailing because they waaaaant something unreasonable ?

Fuck, no

Is he always such a wet bell end? Seriously, that’s all I need to know! What a fucking wet lettuce!

In all honesty id probably suffocate a ‘man’ who was outwitted by a toddler. Are you really sleeping with this lump of lard? I mean honestly, he wants you to get up to deal with a toddler when you are ill .... stick a pillow over his face when he’s asleep.

That wpuld truly be an act of kindness

For people saying it's not so bad that he was out longer than expected, possibly not, but he then expected OP to drag her sick arse out of bed. That certainly wouldn't have made her life any easier.

Well with all your fused vaginas and vanishing vaginas etc., I'm afraid a lot of you are married to these guys. I have yet seen a man capable of outwitting a little girl. And I think that's cute. Men scare the bejesus out of me when they shout, so I wouldn't like them shouting at a kid. No doubt anyfucker is going to come on and shout at me now (how bloody entitled were you btw?)

Plus I agree, the other Mum wasn't pushed. The child could have just stayed.

I believe children should sit on the floor if seating is limited. I would feel highly embarassed to be seen balancing my buffet at 50 odd yr old on my outstretched legs on the floor while an 8yo smirked from an armchair

If that is "entitled" then count me in

For god's sake. For everyone's good, please don't fear upsetting your kids by saying no when they need it.

You're rearing a new generation of entitled, cf adults otherwise.

Does nobody on here feel guilty when they upset their child or make them cry?

Do you not get used to it during the “reasons my toddler is crying” stage? My DS cried today because he wanted to take his own top off. He hasn’t learned to do this yet and no matter how much overtired crying he did he wasn’t about to magically learn. So yeah, I did it and he screamed and then got over it.

Similarly, tomorrow when he doesn’t want to come home from nursery, he’ll scream and then get over it. And the more this happens the more he’ll get used to the rules and me/DH meaning what we say.

I would never not comfort a hurt or upset child, but that doesn’t mean never doing anything that hurts or upsets them.

never doing anything that hurts or upsets them

Er just to clarify, I mean like medical treatment not smacking them! Just read that back and realised how it sounds!

Did you not get used to it during the “reasons why my child is crying” stage?
I’m not sure, I suppose not! I do realise it happens but I never quite got used to it, I always hated it. I find it really hard when am the one that makes them cry. Especially as when they get older it is often much less clear than the completely irrational demands of toddlerhood. Even then I used to hate taking them home from nursery if they didn’t want to leave; I used to feel so embarrassed.

Medical treatment etc is different. That is clearly necessary and I have no problem enforcing that (I am lucky that I have a well child). It’s the other stuff, the stuff where it is not so clear cut, eg wanting to stay a few more minutes at a play date, wanting a toy from the shop, that is harder.

To be fair on your DD if DP was appearing to be joining in the game and she was having fun, would she realise that actually she was supposed to be going home? She is getting mixed messages from your DP and you if she then gets punished for having a fun game with daddy at her friend's house. Especially when the concept of time at that age is pretty non-existent.

I think as others have said, a stearn talking to your DP to make sure your parenting is on the same level (yours) is needed as it will only get worse in the future!

Parenting doesn't need to be on the same level as one parent. That's why there are two. Not one united voice. Two parents. Two of them.

RainbowBriteRules I don’t like making DS cry / I don’t think anyone likes making their DC cry but they have to have boundaries enforced to feel secure and they will test those boundaries. We try to do positive parenting and follow a lot of the advice in the ‘how to talk to children will listen’ book. Trying to get DS to leave somewhere he enjoys he gets a countdown, 5 mins, 2 mins, 1 min so he can understand that he needs to finish what he’s doing. If he then refuses to leave we’d explain that we understood why he didn’t want to leave when he was having fun but we needed to because X,Y,Z and either remind him of a fun thing to do at home or make it into a game (lets race/hop/jump to the front door etc.), if he’s not having that then he gets picked up and taken out of there - ideally still being positive ‘let’s fly like an aeroplane out of the door’ but frankly if he’s wailing at this point he’s wailing and we are leaving anyway. We are happy to spend a few minutes working on avoiding the meltdown but ultimately he has to know that we mean what we say and some things are non-negotiable when he’s this size and we can still enforce rules if necessary.

Does nobody on here feel guilty when they upset their child or make them cry?

No - I feel like I am teaching them how to deal with life! Better to be crying at the age of 5 because you think the world revolves around your wants and needs and can't see the bigger picture of everyone else needing to get on with their evenings than being a 10-year-old who struggles to understand that the wants and needs of others are as, or sometimes more, important than their own. I don't want them to struggle to make friends because they always have to choose the game and won't compromise, to not be welcome at others' houses because they don't know how to respect house rules, to be so self-centred and focussed on their own desires that they never think to consider others. That's how you end up with the kinds of cheeky fuckers whose outrageous behaviour litters these boards, leaving a trail of incredulously pissed-off people in their wake.

I feel bad for my kids when they are frustrated by their own inability to exert control over the world - I sympathise with them and tell them that I understand that it's hard to stop playing when they're having fun/not have chocolates for breakfast/drink out of the 'wrong' cup but I don't bend to their will just because they are upset or cross.

Apart from anything, if they don't learn how to come when asked when they are still small enough to put over your shoulder, you're storing up trouble for when you can't physically make your point as by then you are limited in your options and end up having some very undignified scuffles trying to get them to do as they are asked.

Rainbow, no, I never felt guilty enforcing boundaries with my children when they were that age.

Of course they didn't always come willingly. They were testing the boundaries, as children do. They were picked up and taken out if they tried to refuse. Disobeying me was not an option for them. Therefore wishy washy parenting was not an option for me.

Tellthemnothing I actually feel a bit sorry for your poor mum. Yes there are two parents, so why should it be ok for one of them to abdicate parental responsibility and only be the 'good cop' how deflating for your mum to always have to be the 'bad cop'. Maybe she didn't want to have to always be the lone one dealing with your childhood misbehaviour, but she didn't have a choice.
It's definitely not 'cute' for daddy to leave the harder aspects of parenthood to the mother and always get to play at being the good guy at the expense of mum.

I can sympathise with your husband and this is why sadly I have to try and avoid play dates now.
All I want to do is collect my child (or have their child collected from ours) after hopefully a fun play date and just go home. But no, the other parents go way beyond small talk etc and want to converse for hours on end - a cup of tea, maybe something to eat? No, no, no! I just want to go home. They haven't prepared my child that I will be coming in 20 mins and to begin to get everything ready and be prepared. The other parent makes no attempt to remove their child from the chasing around the house but just laughs and carries on trying to chat! This going home problem is the responsibility of both of the parents and if you are a 'host' like this then please stop it - it is a blatant invasion of people's time. I really feel for your husband - maybe your friend is bored and trying to get her claws in?

Men like this are quite common. When I used to childmind, one dad used to take ages to leave my road as his then two year old had to be allowed to sit on his lap and constantly beep the horn.
Drove me mental and I'm sure next door felt the same. Thankfully he didn't pick up that often.
Another one, would chase after his child in my back garden. It was all a game, but after a ten hour day, you just want them to go!
I think it all comes down to some dads not being able to deal with tears.

The above is an extremely ungifted response. Claws in 😂