Answers to songs.

[Goldenbug]

1. Are Friends Electric?

None of my friends are electric. My toaster is but we're no longer on speaking terms. Anybody got an electric friend? Otherwise I'd say no to that question.

1. Do You Know the Way to San Jose?

I don't. It's in America/Mexico somewhere I think but for me that's a no.

1. Should I stay or should I go?

If I go there will be trouble but if I stay it will be double, so the answer is go. Basic maths.

1. If I Said You Had a Beautiful Body, Would You Hold it Against Me?

Some questions shouldn't be asked. #measwell

1. How Much is that Doggie in the Window?

Anybody know how much dogs are? Are dogs kept in windows more or less expensive than non-window dogs?

• What's the matter you?

Mind your own business.

• Gotta no respect?

Not after listening to this song.

• What-a you t'ink you do, why you look-a so sad?

Cos I'm remembering how you kept Vienna off the number 1 spot.

Why does it always rain on me?

Because you live in Scotland and left your umbrella at work. Again.

Are you sitting comfortably?

Oh yes, thanks. Still in bed

Oh na na what’s my name?

If you don’t know Rihanna, I’m not going to tell you!

Who are you? Who, who, who, who?

Well, I'm having a little bit of an existential crisis at the moment truth be told. Does anyone really know who they are? Why we're here, what's it all for...

Do you know where you're going to?

Not a fucking clue Diana.

Will you still love me tomorrow?

Nope! I didn't love you yesterday. I certainly didn't love you today. And as for tomorrow? You're needy, obsessed and I am off to google restraining orders.....!

Santa Claus is coming to town!

You're 47 Nigel. I think it's time we had a little talk.

Is that all there is ?

You ungrateful wretch , it was delicious , I crammed loads of it into my mouth in one go , I had real trouble leaving a teaspoonful for you to taste

what do you wanna make those eyes at me for?

Because it's giving you a most unattractive squint

What's going on

Well , I'm sitting here messing about on mumsnet , Phyllis is in the bathroom trying to work out how to unlock the door , Hugo is still in bed snoring like a warthog and the dog has just dug a huge hole in the patio and is pulling out something that looks like human remains

I'm too sexy for my cat, too sexy for my cat, what do you think about that?

I think you need to come off the MDMA Fred.

Would you love me if I was down and out?
If you mean doing Dodgy deals then no, you're on your own this isn't Bonnie and Clyde.

If I were a carpenter, and you were a lady, would you love me anyway?

Yes, obs. Good tradesmen are hard to find these days.

Old friend, why so shy?

Have you forgotten what you did? We are never going there again!

Have I told you lately that I love you?

No. You haven't And it's far too little far too bloody late now anyway because I have been shagging the nextdoor neighbour for the past 9 months!

Ring ring, are you there?
Yes but ignoring you. Stop asking

It's been 3 long years, do you still want me?

Sorry, but no. I've moved on

Don't you know you're driving your mammas and pappas insane?

That's what kids are supposed to do!

Ring ring, is that you on the phone?

Yes it is, I’m enjoying saying nothing

Where do you go to my lovely ? Peter Sarstedt

Anywhere to get away from you !

Don't You Want Me? Human League

NO! Have I not made that bleeding obvious FFS !

Take me to church.

OK, love. I'll pick you up at 9.45 for 10 o'clock mass.

Wake me up, before you go-go.

No. What do you think I am - your alarm clock?

I am the walrus!

I don't care what you are self-IDing as today Dave, but you are not, repeat NOT climbing the barrier to swim in the penguin pool...you watched one Sunday night wildlife programme and now you're a walrus FFS?!

"More than twist in my sobriety"?

Hmm. You're quite strange, aren't you?