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Original poster

My husband strangled me

300 replies

BaconHead · 08/11/2018 11:01

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

OP posts:
Foslady · 08/11/2018 18:33

Ok - fast forward 15 years, that’s if he hasn’t murdered you by then.
You are at your child inquest because you have normalised domestic violence and her partner killed her.

BREAK THE CYCLE

ohtheholidays · 08/11/2018 18:36

I know your really worried about your step children and I do understand that,but your Husband is dangerous and you and all of the DC need to get away from him and I would hope with SS getting involved(which they should do as routine once you've reported what your husband has done to you)that they would not want his DC to be left alone with him but they would look for them to be placed with family members if at all possible(they are struggling more now than ever before when it comes to having spaces in care homes and with foster parents)so there is every possibility that you'd be able to still have some contact with them.

How old are your step children OP?

I've been in your situation and I've helped women that have been in your situation and an old school friend of mine lost her life and the life of her unborn child at the hands of her partner,please don't underestimate what your husband has done to you,strangulation in a abusive relationship is usually something that comes after weeks,months or years of abuse and once it's reached that point the next step is almost always serious injury or loss of life.

I'm sorry if that upsets you,it's just I've seen the aftermath of what happens next.

I really hope you reach out and get some help for you and all of your DCFlowers

Mxyzptlk · 08/11/2018 18:37

Have you a real life person you could tell? A relative / friend / colleague?

At least get your injuries checked out at the doctor's or at A&E.

CoraPirbright · 08/11/2018 19:08

So your would-be-murderer is at football? Good! Shove stuff into a bag and GO!!

Is there somewhere you can go to? Relatives? A friend?

You have to get out. Please please understand - SS are not the devil. They are there to help and support you and your family. I highly doubt this fiend would be awarded custody of the step children after what he has done to you. Please please get out.

Justcallmelu · 08/11/2018 19:22

Unfortunately, this is how these things go.

beeefcake · 08/11/2018 19:37

Please leave him OP he's a piece of shit 

PartridgeJoan · 08/11/2018 19:48

My partner is a social worker, he said that you need to find your local National Centre for Domestic Violence.

Social services will have to get involved, but they'll only be coming in from a protect point of view and they'll likely look kindly on it if you prioritise your children's safety.

Please, try to talk to some family or friends, things may be hard at first but they will get better.

Twisique · 08/11/2018 20:01

If he does that to one of the girls what will you do?

toothfairy73 · 08/11/2018 22:09

OP are you ok? Please let us know you are still safe xx

Original poster
BaconHead · 08/11/2018 22:31

I'm ok, he's snoring on the settee, as usual. I haven't spoken to him since it happened, I'm just trying to get things straight in my head. I can't believe he's done this, after all these years I just never expected it. It started with something so petty as well, I was doing my online shopping on his laptop, I got up in a huff because he'd left the door open again and it was cold, put the laptop down a bit roughly as I was getting up, he stormed over and took the laptop "that's the last time you ever use that" and I was just like "don't be so ridiculous give it back" and he was adamant I wasn't having it, so I went over and tried to take it off him but he wouldn't let go, I told him to stop being such a control freak and he was banging on that maybe I should have more respect for things etc and then it just got out of hand

OP posts:
Stompythedinosaur · 08/11/2018 22:37

Your dc will be less effected by you leaving him than him killing you.

Strangling is, of all domestic violence, the type that most correlates with people later going on the kill their partners.

SS will only get involved if you fail to protect your children, by staying with him and subjecting them to his abuse.

You can do it!

notapizzaeater · 08/11/2018 22:39

Better separated than dead, you really need to get out. Report it and get him charged

PurpleDaisies · 08/11/2018 22:42

What would it take for you to leave?

Have you got bruises on your neck?

Lasagnefordinner · 08/11/2018 22:43

You see how quickly he flipped out over the laptop? He could wake up any minute now and flip out again.

I’m actually shaking feeling so nervous for you.

You need to go and right now. I would go to a refuge with all the kids, that way the stepchildren are with you safe, and he won’t know where you are.

Original poster
BaconHead · 08/11/2018 22:46

No I haven't got any bruises on my neck, just really hurts inside and hurts to swallow or move my head down. He's got some bruises though from where I was kicking and punching at him to get off

OP posts:
givemesomewineplease · 08/11/2018 22:47

Baconhead - he sounds such a miserable creature ... even without the strangulation nothing would be worth staying with him as he clearly doesn’t respect or care for you. I’m scared of what he might do to you next. Please take all the advice on this thread and find a way to get yourself and your children to safety asap. Growing up with this beast will give any child a lifetime of issues, please show them that they deserve a life of kindness and love. Sending you lots of strength and courage.

Penguinsetpandas · 08/11/2018 22:48

I can understand you being worried about SS involvement - not sure anyone wants that - but its much safer if you are all away from him and - you will be in a much stronger position if you alert SS than someone else does it. If say your kids tell someone e.g. school - and kids talk - then it could well appear to SS you are failing to protect your kids. I know that's not what you mean to do and its harsh but SS would sometimes look at it that way as they are there to protect kids. He's not worth risking losing your kids over.

thequeenoftarts · 08/11/2018 22:48

You poor woman, but listen to everyone telling you what to do for the best here.

Also realize you will be no use to your own babies or your step children dead. Have you decided who will rear your kiddies when your dead and he is in prison for murder? Don't trivialize what he did to you, get him arrested and mind yourself and those little ones. You owe it to them and yourself

PurpleDaisies · 08/11/2018 22:53

Again, what will it take for you to leave? Him breaking a bone? Him attacking your children?

sadsadsady · 08/11/2018 22:54

He's not sorry. He will do this again.

Poppyinagreenfield · 08/11/2018 22:56

You must get some medical advuce urgently.

Then consider arranging a secure place of safety and leave accompanied.

You are likely at risk.

whatsnewchoochoo · 08/11/2018 23:01

I suspect he's never done it before because he's got you so fearful that you very rarely say anything that goes against what he wants.

Please leave. And if you're staying for the kids maybe read this thread ... (I'm going off to find a link)

You will all be better without him. You can do this OP. I know you love him now but he doesn't he love you. You deserve better

DangerMouse17 · 08/11/2018 23:01

Hi OP...im de-lurking to give you some advice, as your lack of action is concerning. You say the relationship is bad and sounds like you're generally unhappy anyway with him...so why put up with it? Yes SS would get involved once you've informed the police but that's not a bad thing and actually they are often helpful.

My ex attacked me and attempted to stab me with a knife, in front of our ds who he then grabbed. I managed to fight back, get ds who was 7mths old and run out. Police called obviously.

The next day SS came around and the chap just spoke to me for a while. He could see that ex was flung out, I wasn't taking him back, ds was well looked after and happy. I asked him if I should move home to be safe and he told me no...why should I leave my lovely home and disrupt ds because of that animal. He put me at ease and said he was taking me "off his list" because he could see ds was safe with me. It's about showing SS that you put your kids first and do whatever you have to do, to keep them safe...so don't worry. If you don't protect yourself and then, who Will?

Please listen to all the previous posters and call the police or drop into the police station. You can ask them to send an officer back with you and they can get him out if need be. Don't waste any more time and energy on this "man".

whatsnewchoochoo · 08/11/2018 23:02

Domestic Violence - did you witness any towards your mother? http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk/amiibeingunreasonable/3363626-Domestic-Violence-did-you-witness-any-towards-your-mother

Why you should leave if only for the children

Orlandointhewilderness · 08/11/2018 23:04

you aren't going to leave are you.

This man will kill you. and soon probably, now he has snapped once. Please, for the sake of yourself and your children, get out now. You have all the reason in the world.