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Original poster

My husband strangled me

300 replies

BaconHead · 08/11/2018 11:01

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

OP posts:
CBA2RTFT · 08/11/2018 16:57

Thank god you're OK, OP.

There are a lot of wise words in these comments. Please heed them. Flowers

SpanishFly · 08/11/2018 17:03

those messages from him are terrifying. He clearly has no empathy or emotion about this at all. "Bore off" he says - after he's strangled you? That says all you need to know. I am so worried he's going to do this again very very soon.

toothfairy73 · 08/11/2018 17:06

An seriously worried about you. I know it's terrifying to think about breaking up a family, but he could have killed you. And now that that line has been crossed, there is nothing to stop him from doing this again. It could be worse next time. You said you have just had surgery too. You may love him, but is your life and the life of your children worth risking? His actions are not of actions of love. I know you are worried for his children but seriously you need to think about how his children will feel if he kills you next time, or if he lashes out at them too. He needs help, and you all need to be safe. Please please think carefully about this. You have done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be afraid of. Apart from the next time he looses it. Please please get out while you can.

Hauskat · 08/11/2018 17:06

Have you seen a doctor OP? I am so scared for you. Can you call the police now? Please don’t spend another night under the same roof as this man. His actions where murderous and he is acting like you stubbed your toe. It’s the most frightening situation I can imagine.

sadiesnakes · 08/11/2018 17:07

Those messages have made me feel sick. Please please leave. There is nothing left after that. All you can do now is make sure your own two children have a mum to bring them up. You've done your best, but you have to get out now.

WhingyNinja · 08/11/2018 17:17

Thanks for responding, I can imagine this thread could be overwhelming but we all mean well and just want you to be safe and alive!

sadiesnakes · 08/11/2018 17:17

He's more then knocked you about. He's attempted to actually murder you and he's well aware of it by those messages.
Please take photos of your neck and any bruising and those messages and send them to a secret email account so you have them for when you are ready if you won't do anything about it now.
This will not be the last time he does this, please make no mistake about that.

Authenticcelestialmusic · 08/11/2018 17:28

So if you decide to stay what do you want to happen next with your relationship?

Fast forward 5 years/10 years/40 years what do you want?

smartiecake · 08/11/2018 17:28

Sadly I agree thinking be the last time he does something like this.

smartiecake · 08/11/2018 17:29

OP he could easily do this again. You are not safe. You need to get out

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 08/11/2018 17:34

Do you think the women murdered every week were any different to you OP?

What do you think they would say to you if they could?

All of them were just like you. Thinking they loved their husband even though he made their lives a misery, putting up with all sorts of shit in the hope that he would change, that he get better.

Look where they are now?

CBA2RTFT · 08/11/2018 17:40

Do you think the women murdered every week were any different to you OP?

I looked this up. It's approx 5 women per fortnight that are killed by current or previous partners. Shocking.

Penguinsetpandas · 08/11/2018 17:45

Take you and the children somewhere safe and phone the police.

Women's Aid will be able to advise you on refuges or getting him out of the house via a solicitor if you own it.

SS will become involved I suspect, as you are capable of looking after your child they would stay with you as long as you split.

Step children I don't know what will happen but they aren't safe now are they? Family Rights Group or Women's Aid maybe able to advise. Is there say a grandparent they would be safe with?

misscockerspaniel · 08/11/2018 17:47

You must get help IRL if "only" for the sake of your children and step-children.

PawsomePugFancier · 08/11/2018 17:55

If it's too big and overwhelming just now, take just one step by going to the doctor to get your neck, throat and stitches checked. That's all,after that you can think about the next step.

Take care and good luck.

Wildheartsease · 08/11/2018 17:56

Loving someone doesn't mean that you should not leave them!

A good friend of mine loved her husband deeply - though he hurt her in rows often. She stayed with him and covered up the damage until the day he first hit their youngest child. Seeing the damage he did and watching how out of control he was, she realised the real danger they were all in and, for the first time, how wrong it was-- she packed her things and left.

I know how she wishes she'd saved her child from this and she now understands that she herself deserves much better.

I think that she still loves him but she will never live with him again.

Dragongirl10 · 08/11/2018 17:57

Op if he is out start those calls, put Dcs in front of the TV and call the police, and womans aid now.

Go and get your and dcs passports and stash them in your car, if you have one or somewhere he won't find them.

If you are in any doubt, look at your beautiful childrens faces and imagine he had killed you, and how would they be now? crying for you, scared and alone.....there will be a next time.

If l were you l would just grab the passports and go to the police station right now and tell them everything. you will be looked after.

Thesearmsofmine · 08/11/2018 18:00

Please get yourself checked over and get you and the children away from this violent man.

ChasedByBees · 08/11/2018 18:03

He has zero remorse. You have to get help OP.

KOKOagainandagain · 08/11/2018 18:13

OP you need to remove barriers to leaving. He is using them to control you. Can your step-daughters return to their mother - even as a temporary step? He clearly doesn't care about them and is using them as a weapon to control you. Their mother might have thought they were best with him but this is most definitely not true. Does she know this? Probably not because yesterday he strangled you but today it is being whitewashed and you are playing happy families with him at football and you doing the school run.

But don't worry about logistics. Don't just phone WA but physically go to your local shelter once he is out of the way. And he will be. He will carry on as normal. He wants to normalise his behaviour and is confident that you are too scared to act even when he is not standing over you. He can't even be arsed to come downstairs. If you can, take your DC with you. WA will help you work out pick up from school if you have to drop off before going to the shelter. It is all doable. There are people that will help you if you can be brave enough to ask. People are incredibly kind. You have forgotten this because your husband is not.

KarrisWhiteOak · 08/11/2018 18:21

You can’t stay.
What if he does it again, having got away with it once.
But not to you, to one of your children?
If he’s angry and aggressive he can be so to anyone.

Get all of those children and yourself safe. Away from him.

JohnMcCainsDeathStare · 08/11/2018 18:26

Mostly bumping but you are not breaking up a family you are removing a malignant tumour - your violent husband. He can still have supervised contact but don't think that it will be the last time he does it. He could be the end of you.

Prettyvase · 08/11/2018 18:26

What effect do you think it will have on your family if you die?

You know this will be your outcome.

I don't know why you love someone who wants you dead?

Think of your children and how their lives will be utterly ruined when you are dead.

They won't thank you for loving him, will they?

Piccalillisnooze · 08/11/2018 18:32

Agree with everyone else - police, a and e, go, women’s aid, just SOMEWHERE, tell someone!!!!!