My husband strangled me

[BaconHead]

I can't tell anyone in real life because I know I should leave him and I know that social services will get involved as we have children, we have 4dc, 2 together and 2 are my step children who live with us. We've been together 5 and half years, married for 2. Never done anything like this before, a couple of years ago he pushed me on the bed while we were having an argument, but nothing major like this. Yesterday morning we were arguing about something petty, and it ended up with him holding me down on the sofa and strangling me. I know I need to leave him but for some silly reason, I love him and don't want to split our family up, my stepdaughters had a rough time with their mother and moved in with us 2 and half years ago and have settled in and I don't want to uproot them again, they wouldn't be able to stay with me as I'm not their mum. I feel so hurt and upset and I can't even look at him at the moment, I can't stand the sight of him, I don't know if I'll ever look at him the same again. My neck is in agony today and I can't even go to the doctors or anything. I know I deserve better, I know I won't leave I just wanted to tell someone and can't in real life.

Op don't normalize this
don't minimize this
don't make this just another day in the life of your misery
Don't resign yourself to just accepting it

A man who strangles his partner does not deserve protection
Your fear protects him and he is well aware of this
He feels untouchable now to abuse, attack, assault and strangle you further.

Your children aren't safer living with a violent man
You aren't safe living with a violent man

If he strangled the children would you still love him? Really think and answer that question honestly
Start viewing your own self in that way too

Oh OP, please seek help. He's trying to scare you into silence by telling you SS will get involved, because he knows what could actually happen is you'll leave him and he could be arrested.

Women in your shoes get murdered every week. For your sake and the sake of your children please do something.

You love him but I'm afraid to say, he doesn't love you. If he did love you he wouldn't have strangled you. What if he kills you next time? What if he does if to one of the kids when they do something "out of line"? Please phone woman's aid and get yourself medically checked.

Any apology from him that may come, do not believe. Any blame he may pin on you, do not believe and do not accept; nothing, NOTHING, warrants strangling someone.

@BaconHead social services will get involved and will tell you to stay away from him and if you do not they will take your children away
Your best move is to move away

Staying with a violent man to protect children from living with a violent man isn't logical than
You were unable to protect yourself from his attack unfortunately, you just had to endure it did you not?
All these dc should not have to endure him

Your step children's mother can't be worse than a man who strangles his partner
And if she is then those children deserve all the help possible from police SS woman's aid etc to protect them from their actual parents!

@BaconHead move away from your husband

@BaconHead I would say get the police involved however I got the police Involved after my partner attacked me for the first time
He had always been a control freak but never hurt me until one day he held me hostage in his house after I refused to give him my engagement ring ; he tied me up l he set my feet alight
I was black and blue and didn't eat or sleep for 48 hours he was going to l kill m e l was put on a rubbish heap tied up ready to be buried
My children were very young and don't remember the incident but they were there
I phoned police after he released me and he was immediately arrested only to be released 6 weeks later due to lack of evidence ; he was very clever and covered his back
I moved away and couldn't take anything with me
Even though my father persistently uses my distance as an excuse to why he has never visited us in 7 years and blames me for struggling because I'm so far away from my family to get support with my kids
Ll l it was the best decision to make because I'm still alive and my c hildren are ok and there are plenty of other success stories too 
Wish you all the best
It's not a healthy relationship end of

@lyndar what a brave post, you, OP and ever other person who have disclosed what you have been through are incredibly brave. You may not feel brave. You are surviving in spite of horrific trauma. Keep surviving OP. Keep yourself and your children and step children safe. I really hope that this silence is you getting your head straight and is the beginning of you escaping this situation.

@Lyndar
I am so sorry for you
What you've been through it's unimaginable
you must be such a strong person to survive that

@JuliaJaynes9 I wouldn't say I was strong I have been though a lot of trauma and they have all left their mark so to speak
I would like the poster to realise she can have a h healthier life without him which is something she probably doesn't realise
Any more success stories 

Hope you are OK Bacon.

I do have a plan, I don't want to say what it is on here incase he reads it, but it's going to take a fortnight or so for it to happen, I can't stay anywhere else in the meantime because I need him to think everything is ok otherwise my plan won't work. I told someone in real life today as well, a friend at playgroup. Thanks for all the advice and to everyone who have disclosed their awful stories I'm so sorry it happened to all of you and really glad you're out of it ❤️

I am so glad to hear you have a plan, I cannot imagine how long that time will feel for you.

Remember that (while I totally understand wanting to get things worked out as best they possibly can) if you feel in danger again then you are better off leaving with just your children and the clothes on your backs than without your life.

If you can extract and key paperwork and store it at work or at a friend's without him knowing early on, then that will give you an easier time leaving if you need to before you've had time to fully enact your plan.

Best of luck.

BaconHead it’s so good to hear from you! I’m so relieved that you told someone IRL, once you’ve said it once it gets easier, I would encourage you to let more people know. You are currently in extreme danger, at anytime he could lose his temper again. Unfortunately because there were no repercussions from attempting to strangle you, it is highly likely that this will happen again or other murderous behaviour.

Also, he may not have endangered the children yet but if no boundaries are put in place (such as you reporting his behaviour to the police) he could hurt the children.

It is not too late to report him to the police and/or go the doctor and report your injuries.

Reporting gives you proof against him should you need it in the future, otherwise it is just your word against his.

I’m glad you have a plan but the best plan would be to tell the police.

So happy to hear you have a plan and you've told someone IRL :) You can do this!

Best of luck OP. Stay strong.

Glad to hear from you OP. I'm relieved to hear your update and glad you've spoken to someone in RL.

Wishing you all the best

Glad to hear you have a plan OP. If you find your resolve waning come back and read this thread! Best of luck, stay safe.

Stay safe op.

Wishing you the best OP, will keep checking back to see how things are going. Sending hugs 

Glad you are getting out. Would strongly recommend reporting injuries now otherwise without proof you could have a custody battle. If you call Women's Aid they will be able to advise.

Glad you have a plan.Hope all goes well for you. Please stay safe.

OP I would report your injuries as it will give you some protection against contact issues in the future. Glad you are talking to people.

Very glad to hear from you, BaconHead. I've been worried, and, as you can see, I'm not the only one.

Plan but also be prepared to run with just the clothes on your back. You may have to.

And take the advice, both practical and emotional, of women who have trod this path before you. They know what they're talking about.

You have a lot of people behind you.