Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Original poster

talk me down! dd(14) poss pregnant

680 replies

dawnc27 · 06/11/2018 18:31

just moved dds school bag of the settee and a bit of papers slid out, on it it says a due date, possible names and names of godparents.
now this wouldnt normally phase me as id just think it was teenage rambling EXCEPT..... ive been asking myself when shes next due on, as we have been away for 2 weeks and back now around 10 days and shes not been on during that time which got me thinking back to when i last bought her any pads and tbh i cant remember. im thinking around july time which would tie in with the due date wrote down.
shes out at the moment which may be a good thing as i dont know what the fuck to do now!!
please help me by giving some advice

OP posts:
notmyfinest · 07/11/2018 13:33

Lovely story @Georgiaposy. I'm so pleased things worked out for you and your mum sounds amazing.

I went to uni with a girl that got pregnant whilst doing her a levels. She too had a supportive family. She got her law degree, training contract and became a solicitor. Her daughter lived with her for the majority of that time. She owns her own law firm now. She had to work very hard though.

Clawdy · 07/11/2018 13:35

Hope it all works out for you both, OP.

mostdays · 07/11/2018 13:44

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

Families
flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 13:44

dontall can you genuinely not read what I am writing?

all I said was a 14yo using full time nursery is no difference to anyone else. I never even mentioned evenings/weekends did I?

i'm not saying its no big deal at all and if you had bothered to read my posts properly you would see that Hmm

I also don't see why a 14yo would need more childcare than an adult, they can still look after their own baby around school hours. yes, they might need some guidance and help say the first few times they bath the baby and with the first few nappies but I don't think someone else would have to take over completely like you're making out.

beeefcake · 07/11/2018 13:45

I can't believe that people are advocating 14 year olds as good parents. I'm not talking about the odd distant friend or relative that everyone on here knows who was a brilliant mum at 12, but as a sweeping statement it's crazy.

She's immature enough to be writing lists of baby names and god parents without talking to her mother who will be doing the lion share of the work. How is she mature enough to have a baby?!

OP you need to step up, you are the parent! You can't be scared of confrontation you are not her friend you are her mother! Should you lock her in the house until she POAS- YES!!!! This decision will be impacting you an awful lot so you deserved and need to know ASAP.

Georgiaposy · 07/11/2018 13:45

@cupofteaandcake

Thanks
My parents actually don't/didn't earn vast amounts at the time. My dad was on around 35k before tax and my mum worked 2 nightshifts a week as a carer on minimum wage. She looked afternmy son 8.30-3.30 during the week, term time. She really stepped up for me and I will never forget it.

DS's dad is around and has him every other weekend and some of the school holidays. We stayed together until I was 21 (exdp is a year older) We are friendly now but obviously not so much at the time of our split!

flamingofridays · 07/11/2018 13:47

She's immature enough to be writing lists of baby names and god parents without talking to her mother who will be doing the lion share of the work

sorry but why are you assuming her mother will do the lions share?

Borntobeamum · 07/11/2018 13:48

If childcare is required, the government run Care to Learn, where all fees and some transportation costs are met. I looked after a 3 week old baby while his mummy sat her GCSE's and she continued her education to 6th FORM and then college.
It IS doable x

Taylor22 · 07/11/2018 13:48

@mostdays get a bloody grip. Telling a child that if they choose to have a baby then they step up is not toxic or abusive. It's realistic. Telling a child that if they are irresponsible then they will pay he price will not get them removed.

Social services will be involved if a 14 year old is pregnant regardless because it raises flags.

Your comment is genuinely laughable.

bubbles108 · 07/11/2018 14:05



bubbles108 · 07/11/2018 14:06

No idea why my bunches of flowers don't show up any more - sorry @dawnc27

StarfishSandwich · 07/11/2018 14:08

Hope you and DD are okay OP, whatever happens. This thread has become quite unpleasant and I just want you to know there are people who think you sound like a good mum who’s doing her best (which is all anyone can ask for tbh).

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 14:10

Its not as easy as saying right well I want to do 9 GCSEs, then 3 A levels. Maybe it should be, but right now it isn't.

Well it was easy for me. 11 GCSE'S and Three A levels.

BarbarianMum · 07/11/2018 14:19

That's great notgiving (genuinely). Maybe your experience isn't typical though.

TootingBoots · 07/11/2018 17:34

I was a teen mum and my God was it hard. I love my sons and wouldn’t change them for anything but I wouldn’t want the same for my children.

I finished my exams and my degree and am now working in a professional job. I’m still in a solid relationship with their father and we own our own home. I’m now 26.

But doing all of those things which should be a normal part of growing up has been 1000 times more difficult than it should have been. Ive never had any freedom or travelled or have ever been able to be selfish. It’s not just the finding schooling difficult now, if your daughter continues the pregnancy she will find her life more difficult long into her adulthood. I would sit down and explain that to her. Then support her choice. My parents pushed for a termination and for 2 years we had no relationship. That’s 2 years they lost on their grandson and their grandson lost out on them. Be supportive, present the facts but don’t push. If she is even pregnant- I guess we are all forgetting she may not be,

notgivingin789 · 07/11/2018 18:05

TootingBoot It is very hard !

SawnUpLooRoll · 07/11/2018 18:28

Hang in there, OP.

Hezz · 07/11/2018 18:48

I hope it all works out ok for her.

MilkItTilITurnItIntoCheese · 07/11/2018 19:18

There are some awful people on this thread. How easy for some to stand in judgement when they have not experienced the situation and know nothing about the family or their circumstances.
My dd1 is almost 14. I hope to god I never find myself in Op’s Shoes but if I do I really hope I can deal with it as well as you are OP. Good luck to you and your daughter.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 07/11/2018 19:19

I really hope she isn’t pregnant OP. I can’t believe you haven’t asked her to test!

CreativeMumma · 07/11/2018 19:22

I hope your chat this evening is going okay and she opens up to you.

SweetPeaPods · 07/11/2018 19:23

I can’t believe some of the comments on here. Hope you are ok OP

GreedyBastard · 07/11/2018 19:31

hope all is well tonight OP

KitKat1985 · 07/11/2018 19:35

Some of the posts on here from all the 'perfect parents' are truly awful.

I hope your chat with your daughter is going okay OP and she is able to chat honestly with you. x

Purpleneonpinkunicorns · 07/11/2018 19:35

Hope tonight goes well op.