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Original poster

My dh died this afternoon. Please hold my hand through this.

333 replies

DeadZed · 22/10/2018 16:57

We have four distraught dc. the police are still here. I don't know what to say to people. I don't know what to ask when they offer to help.

OP posts:
Rafflesway · 22/10/2018 17:48

I am so dreadfully sorry to hear your devastating news DeadZed and can't even begin to imagine the shock and agony you must be feeling.

As other pp's have said, please do accept all the help you are offered. I can only imagine if I had a friend or neighbour suffering in such circumstances I would most definitely want to do anything to try and help lighten the load in some small way.

Both you and your DC are in my thoughts and prayers. Flowers

Dawsonforehead · 22/10/2018 17:49

I'm just so sorry. Some really solid advice on here already, please look after yourself.Flowers

SinkGirl · 22/10/2018 17:49

I wish I had something magical to say to you to make it better but I know there is nothing. Just know you are not alone - you and your children will find a way through this together. Let your loved ones support you, ask for practical help with the things that need to be planned. When you’re feeling up to it, bereavement counselling for you as a family can be invaluable. Sending lots of love and hugs to you all x

Chimchar · 22/10/2018 17:50

I'm so very, very sorry to hear of your loss.
There is no right or wrong way to feel or thing to do.

I found this link.... www.gov.uk/after-a-death

That's for the coming days, but for now, just get through. Do whatever you need to... minute by minute.

You'll need to let the kids schools know. They might be able to help support them in the way of counselling and help over the coming days, weeks and months.

Sending you huge hugs. Again, I'm really sorry. Xx

Pavlova31 · 22/10/2018 17:52

I am so sorry Op Flowers

Mummyoflittledragon · 22/10/2018 17:52

I’m so so sorry my love. Sending a big virtual hug! Flowers

userblablabla · 22/10/2018 17:52

Sending my love Flowers

LaurieMarlow · 22/10/2018 17:53

I am so very sorry Flowers

MixedMaritalArts · 22/10/2018 17:54

Sorry for your loss Flowers

April2020mom · 22/10/2018 17:55

I’m so sorry to hear that. My condolences for your loss. Don’t suffer in silence. Accept all forms of emotional support and help offered to you guys. Perhaps you need meals delivered by a caring family member or childcare.
Not quite the same thing but when my son was in the hospital I appreciated all of the emails, prayers and practical help I received from family members and friends. Having someone professional to help me fill out any required paperwork was a godsend.

Babydontcry · 22/10/2018 17:55

I'm so sorry

QueenofLouisiana · 22/10/2018 17:56

Sending you lots of love and strength. x

Cambalamb · 22/10/2018 17:57

Shit. I am very sorry. Everyone's worst nightmare.You are in shock and I hope some family are on their way. Flowers

anniehm · 22/10/2018 17:57

So sorry. What to say when people offer help - firstly say yes, but then clarify by saying can you let them know as it's all too much to think now.

You could allocate someone to bring food each day for the next 2-3 weeks, it's the last thing on your mind. Getting them to school if applicable, whilst some are better having time off, other kids actually benefit from their normal routine with a time out system so they can leave class at any point if needed.

Make sure you get professional help in time too, all of you - a few weeks on works best (used to do it). And remember there's people out who's job it is to help - I do that now through the church (no affiliation needed).

Hugs, take care

2anddone · 22/10/2018 17:58

I am so sorry  do you have anyone who can stay with you a couple of days to make sure you are eating and getting some rest.

Cambalamb · 22/10/2018 17:58

www.rainbowsgb.org

rainbowruthie · 22/10/2018 17:58

I am so sorry for your loss, my thoughts and prayers are with you and your children Flowers

Tequilamockinbird · 22/10/2018 17:59

Oh sweetheart, I'm so sorry.

You are in my thoughts this evening Thanks

EmmaGhostGhoul · 22/10/2018 17:59

I reiterate my offer. I may be presumptive but if your OH took his own life, then there is a lot of support.

tolerable · 22/10/2018 17:59

deepest heartfelt sympathies to you and family.x

AviatorShades · 22/10/2018 18:00

I'm so sorry. Thoughts are with you and the children.Flowers

ApolloandDaphne · 22/10/2018 18:01

I am so, so sorry. You need to just concentrate on whatever get you and your DC through then next minute, hour, day, week. It is okay not to feel anything or to feel everything. There is no correct response to this. It will be overwhelming.

If you need time alone with your DC tonight please don't be scared to tell people to go and leave you. Sometimes solitude is what is required. Put someone trusted on door duty to manage who is coming into your house and don't feel the need to respond to calls or texts. Let someone take charge of that too if you can.

We are here for you. Sometimes a complete stranger is what is needed if you have to vent. Flowers

PissedOffWoman · 22/10/2018 18:03

I am so so sorry for your loss.
Flowers

OneOfTheGrundys · 22/10/2018 18:03

Oh OP I am so sorry.
Winston’s Wish are a brilliant charity. My DH is terminally ill and they have supported us all.
You will all survive this, despite your pain being so, so awful right now.

Choccywoccyhooha · 22/10/2018 18:04

So so sorry for your loss OP. Thinking of you and your DC.