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My dh died this afternoon. Please hold my hand through this.

333 replies

DeadZed · 22/10/2018 16:57

We have four distraught dc. the police are still here. I don't know what to say to people. I don't know what to ask when they offer to help.

OP posts:
Buxtonstill · 24/10/2018 17:18

I am so sorry for your loss. I'm in South London if you are round that way and need help. You are your DC are in my thoughts; please be kind to yourself, and take this in your stride , just concentrate on getting through an hour at a time. xxx

MemoryOfSleep · 24/10/2018 17:40

So very sorry for your loss, OP. Flowers

DeadZed · 24/10/2018 21:11

Grammar I think you may the wrong end of the stick - my DH did not commit suicide although he had very poor mental health quite recently. The post mortem is because his death was unexpected.

I have

OP posts:
DeadZed · 24/10/2018 21:12

I have phoned motability and sorted the car. We have it for another three weeks. .

OP posts:
DeadZed · 24/10/2018 21:13

Struggling to post because of the black lines in my phone.

OP posts:
millimat · 24/10/2018 21:45

Op I hope you are getting support in rl. Please take any help that of offers to you. How are your dc?

MrsPerfect12 · 24/10/2018 21:46

I’m so very sorry for your tragic loss. Big ((((hugs))))) from me to you and your family. Xxxx

SimpleSimonstherapist · 24/10/2018 21:49

I’m very sorry for the loss of your dh. I can’t imagine how hard this is. Just take it minute by minute, hour by hour and remember there is no way you ‘should’ be feeling. Just take each emotion as it comes. Take care.

chickenfeathers · 24/10/2018 21:59

I really don't know what to say. I am so very, very sorry about your DH. Try and be strong, and as others have said, just take it minute by minute, hour by hour. Hug your children, then hug them some more. We are here to hold your hand and support you through this awful time. Flowers

PurpleNailVarnish · 24/10/2018 22:15

OP I'm so sorry 
Hand hold all you need to.

Some years ago now we experienced a sudden death of a younger member of our immediate family by which I mean one who wasn't elderly.

As PPs have said; try to eat a little if you can.
I remember during those first few days someone produced a large box of cans of full sugar cokes, it was all we could manage but it kept us going through the initial shocked days.

Do see your GP if you aren't sleeping, I wouldn't always advocate tranquillisers but they may help you to get some sleep in the immediate future, your brain will need a break.

I wish you all the best OP.

DeadZed · 24/10/2018 22:28

The DC seem to be coping. They have spent a couple of hours at school which I think helped. I am hoping it will help them sleep. My Ds seems to be the worst hit with the not sleeping. He is really struggling with the kids if his DF.

Feeling like I can't give them everything they need, I can't parent them with the patience they need.

OP posts:
DeadZed · 24/10/2018 22:29

People have come from everywhere to look after us. I feel very fortunate in

OP posts:
elephantoverthehill · 24/10/2018 22:33

Offering you another handhold and well done for being there and understanding your DCs needs.

SerenDippitty · 24/10/2018 22:45

I’m so sorry for your loss OP. Another handhold from me. Xxx

Kahlua4me · 24/10/2018 22:57

When my mum died we were given an interim death certificate which allowed us to talk to te banks and start the ball rolling. I can’t remember the situation too clearly but think it must have been before the post mortum as we certainly had it before her funeral. Then, a few months later, we had her inquest and after that we had the real certificate.

I am sorry for the pain you are all in. My mum died suddenly in an accident on holiday, and the shock and onslaught of grief is horrendous. Our dc went to see family friends for periods of time so they could have a break from the overwhelming emotions in our house and have time to be kids or time to talk to others. Their schools both provided instant support and counselling which was a great help to them.

I know it is a different relationship but the love and bonds are still the same as is the shock. Take each moment as it occurs and lean on te support you have around you.

Sending love to you x

bourbonbiccy · 24/10/2018 23:06

Another hand hold from me and your beautiful kids will get you through this terrible time. Take care of eachother and lean on your great support network ad much as you need xxx

VodkaLimeSoda27 · 24/10/2018 23:49

I'm so glad you have people around you helping you and your DC out OP Flowers keeping you all in my thoughts in this terrible time x

triwarrior · 24/10/2018 23:59

I'm so very sorry for your loss. Accept help from wherever it comes...sending you all peace and with prayers for your DH.

Sophiesdog11 · 25/10/2018 07:34

Op, my deepest condolences. My niece died very suddenly 6 mths ago, it eventually was confirmed as a Sudden Adult Death but that initial shock is indescribable. I still cannot think of that evening, when my brother rang, without feeling intense pain and disbelief. She was found in house, unexplained death, police attended etc. I still dont think it has hit home yet, for me but certainly not for DB and SIL. Feels like a nightmare that we will wake from.

On a practical note, the initial PM was inconclusive and it took many weeks for a final verdict, which delayed the funeral. However, they were given an interim certificate from Coroners office, which allowed them to do the Tell us Once service and start to close bank accounts etc.

Take whatever help you can get - my SIL is from an Asian country and they got great support from that community at weekend and evenings, but nothing on the first weekdays. As their closest relative, I went to stay closeby for a few days and although they had meals brought by others, I did feel that just being there, being able to shop for them, listen to them talk about her, was useful.

Big hugs, I am in the North West if you are anywhere close

Bumbledop · 25/10/2018 08:35

I am so very sorry for your loss my love.

I am thinking of you.

Please keep posting here if it helps in anyway.

Flowers
anniehm · 25/10/2018 17:34

Pleased you have plenty of help, don't forget to reach out in the future though, take care - been thinking about you.

DeadZed · 27/10/2018 06:08

Thank you for your kind words. I have been finding it so difficult to sleep and I have re read through this thread this morning. My thoughts are all in a mess, keep thinking I did the wrong thing on the day dh died. I should have called the ambulance sooner. I wasn't there when he needed me. Seeing all the paramedics working and knowing it was all too late.
Wishing things were different.

OP posts:
NisekoWhistler · 27/10/2018 06:34

Please give yourself time and be very kind to yourself. You're in my thoughts

Kahlua4me · 27/10/2018 07:27

My thoughts are with you too.

Sleep is tough as your brain doesn’t stop even though your eyes are closed. Be kind to yourself and try and get some naps during the day when you can. I had real trouble getting to sleep for a long time after my mum died as I couldn’t close my eyes until I was so incredibly tired they wouldn’t stay open. Closing them beforehand just caused my thoughts to tumble.

The shock you are in is immense so do let others help you, lean on them.

spookyspookyspookhole · 27/10/2018 10:34

Oh Zed keep in mind that your brain is telling you lies. Thinking of you