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Original poster

Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

591 replies

Casperandme · 18/10/2018 08:57

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

  • there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
  • I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

OP posts:
Idontbelieveinthemoon · 21/10/2018 08:51

I'm a people pleaser but also resentful of the time I spend pleasing people.

I walk away from challenges rather than risk defeat.

I struggle enormously with sympathy for most problems; I'm very practical and "how can we solve this" but when people want to wallow and not solve it, I feel cross at them. It's unreasonable, I know, but it's also who I am.

I'm super judgy in my head. My mouth says the kind, polite stuff, the voice in my head does not.

WhatsGoingOnEh · 21/10/2018 09:17

I'm horribly selfish. I'm probably not even half as pretty as I think I am! And I'm never going to be rich.

LuvSmallDogs · 21/10/2018 09:26

I get so neurotic and anxious over things I need to do (won’t have time, hate doing it etc) that I end up not doing it and it’s stupid.

I think I went so long without any friends when I was a teen (bully magnet) that I find it hard to a) make the jump from acquaintance to mate and b) maintain a friendship once I have one. I feel like an alien trying to blend in in social situations, but can usually fake it on the surface.

OliviaStabler · 21/10/2018 09:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LuvSmallDogs · 21/10/2018 09:30

Oh, and I’m terrified of speaking to “official” people on the phone. I had a tooth crumble not long ago, and as dentists are also terrifying, I was sobbing at the prospect of having to phone a dental surgery. I am honestly pathetic, of course the receptionist was lovely.

FieryGhoulie · 21/10/2018 09:58

I've been under a psychiatric dr for 20 years for anxiety/depression/panic due to traumatic event. She him regularly.

I push people away and isolate myself. I'd happily be a hermit, though DH/DC mean I can't be. Waiting for DD to leave the family home, so I can have more time alone - how horrible is that? I think she knows this, so I scramble to make her not feel that she feels it, but I think she does. I hate myself for this, hate it.

I know I should push myself to do better but can't be arsed, don't want to.

I wish I had a different life, feel jealous of happy people = wallowing in self pity. I know this is a really ugly trait.

I am wishing my life away. Only really want to sleep/be in bed/not be with anybody (though nobody knows this, only my shrink). I'm shocked at how these past 20 years have flown by and see I'm going to be on my deathbed one day, knowing I fucked up regarding this, but I still don't do anything about it.

daisychain01 · 21/10/2018 12:02

@ThistleAmore

Oooh, I've just thought of something else - I can't be doing with people who suffer from 'get off that cross, somebody else needs the wood' syndrome

Grin Grin Grin

daisychain01 · 21/10/2018 12:07

Also telling people they shouldn't name change, wtf?? that's what it's for, to protect your identity. it's a free country/world, people can do what they like!

ICESTAR · 21/10/2018 22:48

I often can't stop wittering on even when I know I'm doing it but then I will stop and feel ashamed like people think I'm boring and talk too much.

I have anxiety which can make my life difficult but I have to push past it a lot. I live a lot of my life with my heart thundering through my chest.

I'm late a lot. Not by a lot anymore like I used to be but still like five or ten mins.late and I hate myself for it. A lot of the time I can't face getting ready and just want to tay procrastinating then when I am feeling ready and I start, there is not enough time to get ready and look the way I want. Then I feel stressed and ugly and I cry.

Yes I'm a freak and have many anxiety issues lol. Surprisingly I keep them well hidden unless I tell people.

See? Wittering!

ICESTAR · 21/10/2018 22:49

Stay*

ICESTAR · 21/10/2018 23:00

Oh and I am glutinous. Always want food even though I am a fat fuck. I hate my weight so much but I just can't stop eating. I just shovel crisps in all time. It is incredibly depressing. Hate my body and my nose. Everything really.

ladybirdsaredotty · 21/10/2018 23:06

Love this thread.

I need so much time alone, although I struggle less with the lack of this 7 years into parenting than I did when DD1 was a baby. I guess I'm just used to it now.

Like a PP, I won't stay in contact with people (other than vaguely on fb) unless they make the effort. This even goes for my family to an extent Blush (Not my DP/DC, obviously!)

I judge people harshly for a perceived lack of intelligence. I also judge people for being overweight but that comes from having had an eating disorder as a teenager.

I have underachieved considering my qualifications. I do a job I like, and love at times, that is important and means something but everyone thinks I wipe bottoms all day. I also can't afford a mortgage and worry that I'm failing my lovely children.

I spend too much time on my phone.

ladybirdsaredotty · 21/10/2018 23:16

ICESTAR I cross posted with you, obviously my comments about weight were not directed at you Flowers

SweetheartNeckline · 21/10/2018 23:21

I'm a complete underachiever and very afraid of change.

I am not as kind and understanding as people think, on occasion I'm shockingly judgemental.

I have a need to be liked which is pretty pathetic really and pisses off DH (and probably my 3 or 4 very dear, close and brilliant friends) as it makes it seem like the valuable, loyal, beloved people in my life aren't enough for me.

ICESTAR · 21/10/2018 23:46

Oh and reading comments on here about people hating fat people... it makes me die inside like I'm not worth anything.

Please remember I'm human too. I hate being fat and I struggle to lose it but this really gets my goat when everyone just assumes I'm lazy. I'm not. I'm always on the go. I just eat wayyy too much.

But please try not to hate me. I'm not hurting you. Inside I'm dying and wish to disappear but I'm too bloody fat to be invisible. I wear makeup and dress to my size. I'm not a slob. It's sad.

Sardinesandparsnips · 21/10/2018 23:48

I am too nice and always think the best of people. I find it really hard to see people as they are, and if someone does something or says something mean and nasty it takes ages for it sink in how awful they are. I always find an excuse for them, give them another chance to fuck me over.

Then I bear a huge grudge and refuse to associate with them ever again.

I am very chatty and friendly however elusive at doing more because I can't cope with problems and worry too much. So I love parties and dinners but am uttterly emotionally drained for days after.

So I am a friendly non joiner who actively avoids close friendships, might try a bit but no idea how to be friendly past the British stage one weather / roads / maybe stage two fashion/ news/ some personal info.

And I have a default head in the sand as I don't like confrontation and prefer not to know thanks. I just retire gracefully and seethe for a bit at my own stupidity at yet again thinking someone is just having a bad day and no they are actually genuinely horrible.

ICESTAR · 21/10/2018 23:49

Ladybirds Ooh I posted my other reply before I even saw what you had written how strange... Well I suppose you have a reason for it. It just hurts when all people see are the outside and don't think I'm a really kind person who cares about people. I don't deserve hate from anyone really. But I do understand why you feel that way because I feel it about myself.

Shitlandpony · 21/10/2018 23:51

You sound lovely ICESTAR, I know what you mean, I winced when I saw those posts too but it’s a warts and all thread I suppose.

JuliaJaynes9 · 21/10/2018 23:54

I don't hate fat people not at all
I think this is a very misunderstood difficulty

ScattyScorpian · 22/10/2018 00:15

I am not even half as attractive as I thought I was and not every man I meet falls 'secretively' in love with me Hmm
I am much bigger than I thought I was.
Not everyone gets my dry humour.
On the positive though I need that cross Grin I've realised I'm always there for my friends and family and I am genuinely invested in their well being and I'm always fiercely protective over them all.

ladybirdsaredotty · 22/10/2018 00:27

ICESTAR I certainly don't hate overweight people! I said that I judge them, but I only said that as it's a fault in myself, that stems from having an eating disorder in the past. Essentially, I see it as a physical manifestation of very difficult feelings that I can relate too closely to. But I'm sorry if I offended you, or anyone else Flowers

ladybirdsaredotty · 22/10/2018 00:37

Basically me feeling like that in the presence of overweight people really does say more about me than about them. I will definitely challenge my thinking as a result of this thread, I don't like it about myself at all.

Original poster
Casperandme · 22/10/2018 02:06

I used to be the same as lady and it said more about me than overweight people. I’m not like that anymore but think it stemmed from envy that other people could enjoy food without the torment I put myself through and also resenting the fact that I was making all these sacrifices to be thin but wasn’t any happier or a better person or even better looking for it

OP posts:
Original poster
Casperandme · 22/10/2018 02:08

This thread has been good for me. Tomorrow I’m going to reach out to a friend I’ve been resenting for never being in touch. Now I wonder if she’s like pps and just struggles to reach out

OP posts:
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 22/10/2018 02:50

I'm invisible to pretty much everyone I meet.

I'm romantically incompatible and destined to be single forever.

There is nothing vaguely interesting about me.

I'm not attractive, not even average.

People never take me seriously.

If I died only about 5 people would show up to my funeral and they are all family.