Uncomfortable realisations about yourself

[Casperandme]

I've had a couple of these recently, things I've realised about myself that are uncomfortable but at the same time things I wish I'd realised many years earlier.

In particular:

• there are all of these altruistic things I think I want to do one day but it's all bullshit, I don't actually want to, I just fancy myself the sort of person that would want to if that makes sense.
• I'm a gossip and I need to stop.

What are yours?

Every time I get in an argument with people I’m unable to resist getting super passive aggressive and picking at it over and over. I cannot simply just let it go or calmly and rationally deal with it. Have to make it a massive drama.

I often think men fancy me, and my self esteem is very much linked to this. Am nearly 45 so it is probably unlikely that they actually do, and i am probably imagining it in my head.... apparently my grandmother (who was beautiful in her youth) used to be like this and my Mum said it was really embarrassing to see her flirting with young men. The thought of not being desirable to men though kind of fills me with dread, even though I do have other things to be proud of. Not sure how to solve this :(

I have very little interest in my own appearance beyond being clean and tidy. I’m interested in loads of different things and don’t want to commit seriously to anything. I’m very poor at socialising and nervous and mildly anxious a lot of the time. I sleep a lot when I am stressed. I pick up on everyone else’s emotions and feel I have to sort out their problems and keep them happy even when I don’t like them!

Add you my MIL DieAntWord?

(ARE you?!)

Great post OP. Thank you

In my defence Smiled I very rarely get in arguments, but it’s an undignified mess when it happens.

Middersweekly Medicine?

I can be lazy and this makes me feel bad so what do I do eat

I work hard and long hours but happily could spend the weekend in bed

I try too hard to make people like me. I know a guy is falling for me I am working hard on this but have no intention of falling for him it’s a challenge something I have often done

I take on too much at times and find it hard to say no then I can feel resentful

Often I'm a real dick.

Sometimes I give too much in friendships - more than other people want me to give - and then feel resentful that they don’t do the same. I’m working on this though.

Oooh, I've just thought of something else - I can't be doing with people who suffer from 'get off that cross, somebody else needs the wood' syndrome.

Waa waa, I give too much.
Waa waa, I'm too nice.
Waa waa, I do too much for other people.
Waa waa, I just can't stop helping other people.

a) You probably don't.
b) Everybody that you claim to 'do too much for' is madly and uncomfortably aware of your self-imposed martyrdom, but is too polite to say anything about it.

Ha ha thistle you’re probably right for your ‘b’. It’s been an uncomfortable realisation for me that for a long time I pushed my ‘help’ on people when I was probably only trying to get them to like me coz I was insecure.

@Casperandme this is such a great thread, thanks for starting it.

I am becoming so anxious and phobic as I am getting older that I am becoming a pain in my own arse.

I sleep like a baby. (I don’t want to sleep, so I procrastinate. Then I start to get whiny tired. Then when I get in bed, I’m too wound up to sleep. When I get to sleep, I wake up half an hour later, sitting bolt upright with my heart pounding. I read for hours through the night then I don’t want to wake up in the morning.) This cycle is so healthy and it both causes and contributes to my existing anxiety. (There are other reasons for that.)

I am offended by my own aging process. Last week I had a weird, random allergic reaction to something, and had a rash of hives, like a necklace that tightened my skin so badly that I had really deep, long neck wrinkles and it was like a crystal ball. I could see my future - and I cried. (And knocked myself out with a crap tonne of antihistamines.)

I adore my husband and I am afraid I am not loveable. So I am pushing him away.

There is a Halloween name change competition on, that's why I changed my name.

I love this thread. I periodically suffer from severe depression and don't feel I deserve to live. I am going to try to remember this thread for those times, as it demonstrates that ALL of us are, er, normal, flawed human beings (me no more nor no less that everyone else). no analysis needed nor asked for, by the way

So, my top flaws are:

I love a good gossip

I am very judgemental

I am selfish - but the actual killer is the guilt I feel about this - I suspect that everyone is inherently selfish in one way or another

I dislike one of my best friend's traits and I find it increasingly difficult to be in her company for any length of time.

I seem to need to have a 'baddie' at work, someone who I target and whose flaws I look for and judge (only in my head, though)

But actually, I really like and accept myself!

I’m not in contact with anyone I was at school with well because I was weird. Only one person I was at university with because I was weird.
I’ve had a few people I thought were friends suddenly not be and this has added to my self loathing.
I worry my kids will be like me and try very hard to avoid that.

This is such a great, cathartic thread!

I posted on it earlier, but I wanted to echo the previous posters who admit to feeling disappointed their DC don't get top marks or whatever. DH and I are academically high achievers, creative and quick to learn, but our older DC is below average at anything vaguely academic (and has a very defeatist attitude) and our younger average at best. I assumed DC of ours would be developmentally advanced and it makes me sad that they're not. I still love them of course but feel guilty that they are not what I expected in this regard, despite all the time, attention and opportunities they're given. Worse still, it partly makes me sad because I want to be thought of as a good parent, and feel like their underachievement makes it look like I don't bother.

I’m not in contact with anyone I was at school with well because I was weird. Only one person I was at university with because I was weird.
I’ve had a few people I thought were friends suddenly not be and this has added to my self loathing.

This is also me. And because of it I really struggle to let anyone get close to me now I have "friends" I've known for 5+ years who I don't think really know the real me, which is self defence so I won't be as hurt when they inevitably get fed up of me.

My self esteem almost exclusively comes from other people.

ilikegregwallace Your username itself is sufficient in terms of uncomfortable realisations about yourself

I'm not as nice as I'd convinced myself I was.

I'm incredibly lazy. I'm self centred and selfish.
I'm curt, abrasive and been asked if I'm autistic, which I took absolute umbrage at, but soon feared was partly true.

I am un-empathetic and actually struggle to understand anyone with low self esteem. or anyone who in adulthood totally blames their parents, instead of at least taking some responsibility for themselves now.

I over-analyse all my friendships. But I do have the same 6 extremely close friends that I've had for 20 years, so I end up convincing myself that I can't be that bad.

I appear "boring" to my friends Im not really interested in going out getting drunk anymore I prefer going for country walks & having coffee.

I sometimes take an instant dislike to someone for some small reason.

I think most women are bitches. Me included.
I can't be arsed with most people I find them boring and repetitive.
i feel little sympathy for people who knowingly and willingly put themselves in stupid situations then moan.
I use people like I've been used and I never give very much to friendships