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Original poster

Is it me, or is my new flatmate batshit?

315 replies

ThierryEnnui · 15/10/2018 22:08

Posting in Chat so this disappears eventually.

I’m almost sure I’m not BU, but I’d appreciate a sounding board before I compose a strongly worded message!

My new flatmate moved in 3 weeks ago. When I’d met her I saw no red flags - on paper she lives a similar lifestyle to me, we clicked straight away, she’s chatty etc. But within a couple of days, something in my gut just said it wasn’t quite right. On the first morning, she quite loudly knocked on my door and opened it (I was asleep) and asked to borrow a comb. I got up and found her one. 5 mins later, she wants to borrow my toothpaste. And then my hairdryer. Fine, she’s just moved in, but she’s come from another flat share so surely she had these things before?

That evening she baked chicken in so much BBQ sauce I must have burnt a week’s worth of calories scrubbing the dish (which was left on the side, not even soaking). I’m a vegetarian and she hadn’t done much to clean up the raw chicken-y mess from her meal prep: there were chunks attached to the chopping board which she’d put straight into the dishwasher.

A couple of other things:

  1. I was away for the weekend and she had come into my room, taken my hairdryer again and not returned it
  2. She’s taken one of the sofa scatter cushions for her bed - I didn’t know this until I went in to try and find the kitchen scissors when she was out. The kitchen scissors have turned up this evening after I asked, as they had fallen (?) into her handbag...

All of this is irritating but not a dealbreaker. Until this evening... as I got in from work she asked if she could ask me a ‘strange’ question. Sure, fire away. She very gingerly and awkwardly began to imply she’d invited a bloke over next weekend. I laughed and said ‘don’t worry!’ - it wouldn’t bother me at all. But then she came out with: ‘so would you mind if i paid for you to get a hotel for the weekend?’

I laughed awkwardly and muttered something about keeping out of their hair and that I’m a heavy sleeper so it wouldn’t be necessary, but I feel a) completely baffled and b) like I need to send her a carefully crafted message just making clear that this is my home and I found it odd. One friend’s theory is that she wants the bloke to believe it’s her own flat. Another thinks she’s got weird fetishes Grin

I just think it’s really fucking cheeky and has kind of heightened all my irritation about the other things to the point I feel kind of uncomfortable and like I don’t want to be here! Any tips on what to say in my message would be appreciated - I want to give her a chance and I don’t want to be heavy handed, but I feel I need her to realise that it was a completely bonkers and disrespectful thing to suggest. Confused

OP posts:
Jayfee · 15/10/2018 22:12

Do you own the flat?

Original poster
ThierryEnnui · 15/10/2018 22:13

Jayfee I do yes

OP posts:
ProudThrilledHappy · 15/10/2018 22:15

Is she your lodger or do you both rent a room in a flat individually?

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Property
cookiesandchocolate · 15/10/2018 22:15

Urgh just get rid

HoleyCoMoley · 15/10/2018 22:15

Tell her to get a hotel for her and bf. Cheeky thing, don't be pushed out your own home and tell her she has to do her own housework,

FrankIncensed · 15/10/2018 22:16

Yeah... she is batshit. Also if she is this comfortable after only a week it's all going to go downhill from here.

ProudThrilledHappy · 15/10/2018 22:17

Sorry cross post. She’s batshit.

I would be reminding her what spaces are hers and also of “house rules” such as cleaning up after herself. Do not leave your home for her to invite someone round, it’ll set a precedent and she will expect it to continue every time

Figmentofimagination · 15/10/2018 22:17

Hi OP, just to let you know, posts in chat don't disappear anymore. You have to post in 90 days or 30 days if you want your post to disappear.

Original poster
ThierryEnnui · 15/10/2018 22:17

Proud she’s a lodger, I own the flat.

OP posts:
Original poster
ThierryEnnui · 15/10/2018 22:17

Oh! Thanks Figment - didn’t know that had changed Blush

OP posts:
WingsofNylon · 15/10/2018 22:18

I don't think she is batshit. A little odd for the hotel comment but everything else is small things that you can either put a stop to (please don't borrow my things without asking and please don't wake me in the morning) or you are over reacting to (did you expect her to wash the board before putting it in the dishwasher?)

Id suggest she uses the hotel money instead new hairdryer!

MyWeaponofChoiceisWords · 15/10/2018 22:19

Actually it says at the top of the thread:
"Threads started in this topic after 9th November 2018 will no longer be removed after 90 days. A new topic called 90 Days Only can be found in the Other Stuff category of Talk."

LuluBellaBlue · 15/10/2018 22:20

Honestly it will only get worse, I’d be asking her to leave. Sorry

Harrykanesrightsock · 15/10/2018 22:20

But why wouldnt she just pay for her and the man to stay in the hotel. She sounds like she has weird boundaries.

But you said she seemed nice and you clicked so maybe a house rule type meeting might be helpful.

Original poster
ThierryEnnui · 15/10/2018 22:21

wings on the dishwasher comment - yes, IMO the actual pieces of raw chicken should have been binned, and a quick rinse would have been nice! I agree re the new hairdryer and the hotel money!

OP posts:
ViserionTheDragon · 15/10/2018 22:21

She sounds like a loose cannon, can you terminate the lodger agreement? Going forward, I'd probably put future lodgers on probation first....

WingsofNylon · 15/10/2018 22:21

Oh I'd not seen the update about being a lodger. Well in that case if you feel awkward get rid of her.

The most elaborate thing I can think of is she is prostituting or hosting an orgy. Grin

TooTrueToBeGood · 15/10/2018 22:22

She's madder than a box of frogs. The idea of a lodger asking the householder to move out for a weekend is so bizarre I can't believe it's not some kind of scam. You'd probably come back to find your home had either been stripped bare or occupied by squatters.

Original poster
ThierryEnnui · 15/10/2018 22:22

Harrykane I wondered the same myself as to why she wouldn’t just book the hotel for her and the bloke. I don’t live in a big city, so the only hotel options are local Premier Inns and Travelodges on the motorway/nearest dual carriageway service stations. I find it utterly bizarre she thinks I’d be ok to pack my bags and bugger off there for an entire weekend!

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 15/10/2018 22:23

Equally I think it is just as odd that you went in to her room looking for the scissors. But yes, she does not appear to have any boundaries, lock your bedroom door until you are rid.

Magik1 · 15/10/2018 22:24

Time to sit down with her and have a chat, do you have anything in writing, like some kind of agreement which has some rules and expectations?

Weird for her to offer a hotel, I wouldn’t want to leave my flat she might change the locks on you. She should get a hotel room!

Jayfee · 15/10/2018 22:25

I asked whether you owned the flat because her behaviour sounds devious. I think I would ask her to leave. I have never had lodgers,but my friend does and I don't think you have to give much notice. Asking the flat owner to stay in a hotel is a deal breaker. Good luck.

Lavalamped · 15/10/2018 22:27

She does sound a bit odd Shock you sound lovely though, hopefully you can work it out...or find someone new

DailyMailDontStealMyThread · 15/10/2018 22:28

“Thinking about our converstation yesterday I’d like to clarify a few points;

If you want to entertain you will need to rent your own hotel room, this is my home.

Clean up after yourself you dirty cow

Stop taking my shit and not returning it, you are annoying.

Etc etc

Powerless · 15/10/2018 22:31

You can't go into her room OP. Even if your property is in that room.

But yes, ask her to leave. ASAP!