Amusing typos you have commited/seen!

[ContessasGulagSpaDay]

I just tried to type 'acute bleeding' but somehow entered 'acute bellend' dying here, on my own, in my home office

It's been done before, but it's Friday and I'm in a good mood. Tell me of your typos!

:o
Wonderful pictures of women in black meandering round starting fights

Sign and sing... As in 'when can I come round to sing my contract?'

I asked to cancel my sponsorshit once...

My OH is in security and I always type X instead of C, and ‘sex’ autocorrects to sexual.

He’s looking for a new job at the minute and I frequently text him about the ‘sexual manager’ roles I’ve spotted.

I received an apology email from a client saying “apologies for the incontinence”. Laughed my arse off at that for weeks

On our first Valentines Day together, DH sent me a text that said "happy value times".

It has become a standing joke

At my last job I drafted a mail merge with about 70 letters addressed to various residents of Dock View Street.

I was about to put them in enveloped when I noticed that I'd typed 'Cock View Street'....... it still makes me snigger to think of the view from those houses.

@JoBrodie I am crying with laughter at that 😂😂😂 buttociated press 😂😂😂

“What did the British Embbutty do for this British National Overseas pbuttport holder.”

Creased 😂😂😂 thanks JoBrodie

Our marketing team once sent an all company email with the subject ‘Wear your Willies to work day’ instead of wellies! The collective giggling throughout the building was a joy to behold!

I told my SD's Mum that "I would coke up with her on the weekend" Meant obviously that I would come up with her. Luckily she saw the funny side!

A friend once texted me how she was very proud of the mince pornos she had been baking.

Very festive!

Buttbuttination

This is my favourite that I spotted in Boots. If only they’d had it in 1665!

I live in Aberdeen, we refer to “the city” and “the shire” so “oh our recycling is different in the Shire”

I’ve lost count of the times I’ve/someone else has written “in the Shite” including a local MP on twitter some time ago.

“A lovely day meeting constituents out in the shite”

Sent this to a funding body: 'please find attached our daft accounts' instead of draft accounts

I asked a youth group to bring old shits or aprons for cooking once. Old shirts would have been much less messy and smelly!

One day before Christmas last year I was at work.
I was so tired from the night before I accidentally hit send on a email I was sending my partner on my computer only it went off to my manager. He chuckled at it in private later on. It was basically a shopping list for my personal Christmas party dinner plus a description of our plans and a potential menu.

I’ve proper got the giggles you lot
I once posted on a thread about scooters in supermarkets, turned out I wrote, a lad shat into the side of a women’s trolley, which made her jump. I didn’t realise until someone pointed it out

The City Council I was working for applied to host some sort of big event, and they weren’t selected. They sent an email to all members of staff saying ‘There is now doubt that we are a fantastic city and would have done a fabulous job of it etc’ which was quickly recalled and changed to ‘no doubt’ but not until most of us had read it and agreed with the first version.

Kind regards
Allah

Kind regards
ABBA

You probably get the drift and I need to proof read...

When you’re setting up a new supplier on the finance system called Total Count you should always check your spelling before clicking on submit...

DH was late home the other night - he was at a Governors Meeting. He messaged to ask if I'd had a good day and I messaged back 'Terrible. I am lying on the sofa with a gun'.
He messaged back 'What are you talking about. I'm panicking here'
I meant 'gin'

I've had the "kind regards/kind regards" autocorrect. Absolutely awful word and awful mistake at the best of times... even worse when you're sending an email to those who would find this word directly offensive. Also wellies/willies too many times to count. I don't send emails from my phone anymore!!

I taught a boy who had poor literacy skills and used a spell-checker assiduously, He had been on work experience in Y11 and had written a thank you letter to the company.
It was very nicely written but the last sentence read
'I really enjoyed the week I spent with you at xxxxxxx. It was excellent experience for me as I will shortly be looking for a queer in an environment just like yours'. He meant 'career' but his version of it had been corrected to 'queer'. Thank God I spotted it.

I typed “my penises are looking amazing” in a group chat on gardening. I meant peonies. Plus, A thread on here ended up in classics after one of my more impressive typos. Preen!