Should have children been told of this incident by the school?

[Cashewsandhummus]

DC quite upset tonight. There was a serious incident at their school and the teacher told them about it. Y3. Nothing that we ever discussed in details, just that there are bad people.
I'd filter particularly gruesome and upsetting news so it's the first time DC heard about something like this.
Was the school right to notify the children before the parents? Should it be up to us to decide how and what we tell the children?
Now I have a sobbing child which never happened before.

From what you've said it sounds like your child is worried the same thing might happen to them - that they go to the toilet and someone follows them? So they might be worrying about going to the toilet at school? I think you just need to reassure your child that now the teachers know it has happened once, they will be keeping an eye out, so it is very, very unlikely to happen again.

I would anticipate that the school will do a lot more promoting of the pants rule now, and talking about what is appropriate and what isn't to ensure that all children and parents are aware of what is not ok and that parents are reinforcing the message at home.

I agree with everyone else that the school did the right thing in telling the children about the incident so that they are reminded that this is wrong, and they are then in a better position to protect themselves.

You really, really don’t want misinformation swirling around, which would be the result if it was left to parents to tell the children. And sugar coating does no one any favours. They are not babies in year 3 anyway.

We had a distressing incident in our school - a teaching assistant died, out of the blue. The children were all told at the same time, in their classes, so that everyone had the same information and they could all be supported. No one was caught off guard, and the rumour mill had no chance to get going.

Upsetting things do happen, that is life. It is important that children learn this, and how to deal with it. If you screen them from sad news, at what point do you reveal the truth? How do they learn to process these things?

This is all very odd.

A ten year old child asks a younger child to show them their privates. (None of us know the details, it could be an immature boy wanting to compare willies for a laugh, for all we know) it's not normal, it is inappropriate, which is why;
Class teachers then talk to their classes to remind them that if asked, they don't show people their private. - which seems like a perfectly reasonable response to me. A letter home would be dramatically over the top.

The OP is upset because they wanted their child shielded from the fact such an incident counsel occur.
Now I have a sobbing child which never happened before

Really? Your child have never sobbed before, now they're sobbing about this?

Was your child involved? Because it seems to me that they are so upset because they knew it was wrong, but either didn't speak up to get the other child in trouble or they don't want to get in trouble themselves.

You're also being very rude, evasive and defensive there is definitely more to this than you are letting on.

This is the worst case of precious snowflake children-itis I've ever seen.

Your kid came home sobbing because of something like that? Jesus.

It sounds like the teacher acted appropriately.

Some people love to complain that the world outside their home isn't censored according to their wishes. I'd much rather a teacher with appropriate training explains things in an age appropriate way than children hear things via Chinese whispers.

Yes,sobbing apparently

Odd thread

@MadMaryBoddington completely agree. You can't sugar coat some things, sadly.

If this was said in an assembly, perhaps the children have been chatting all day about it, and have versions that are now frightening or exaggerated in their head, that aren't quite the truth... perhaps that is what your child could be upset about? Perhaps at their age they can't recall everything that they have chatted about or heard from friends, but recall that they're upset and frightened and that's why they can't vocalise it properly or stop it 'swirling' round their head?

The school likely was telling them to make sure facts got out and not rumours, and to make sure they knew what was okay and what wasn't.

Maybe you could go in the school tomorrow and just have a quick chat with their teacher and say it seems to have bothered them, teacher could keep an ear out for any conversation between children about it and nip them in the bud.

Then by Monday, hopefully it will be old news.

I could be really far off the mark, but just a thought

I suggest you have inadvertently fuelled your dc unease by asking further rather than reassuring that younger child was ok and such incidents are rare then distracting. Maybe they were projecting about the detail. You seem to be making more of it than needs be here too. Have you spoken to other parents as to whether your child has reported it accurately, is your dc normally so sensitive?

I would reconsider using the phrase 'bad people' with my child, to be honest. There aren't any 'bad people' but there are people who do things that are wrong or hurt others.

A KS2 child doesn't fall into the 'bad person' category. It's quite likely that he's experienced some sort of sexual abuse to behave like that.

My dc were in the juniors when a severe incident closed parents' evening. We were notified by text that the parents' evening was cancelled due to "unforeseen incident." Many of the children were present.

By the time I arrived in the morning, the children had stories of a parent chopping their own head off, the floor about a foot deep in blood and an armed response unit who came in shouting at everyone to lie on the floor.

The actual story was parent had been self harming earlier in the evening, they got upset during the consultation and when they brought their hands up, the marks on the wrist were still weeping blood.
Teacher next to the consultation saw, and evacuated the place while the teacher involved comforted the parent and an ambulance was called.
Most children saw nothing except being evacuated for unknown reason-most of the parents there had no knowledge of what happened.

This is why they are better being open. There will always be some children who make it into a penny dreadful with no facts.

It was me that used the term “bad people”. I’ve spoken to my kids about people that do bad things, a mistake and also about “bad people” because both types of people exist.

That’s my preference.

Going by your original post and subsequent updates I think the teacher handled this totally appropriately,

I think the teachers handled it well but maybe should have let parents know so that when children go home and discuss it with parents (as yours has) parents can be prepared. Knowing the no pants rule sometimes means nothing until they are in that situation and it suddenly becomes real.

FWIW I don’t think you or your child over reacted.

Obviously the incident needs to be dealt with and not taken lightly however your original post discussed the fact that your child was upset at being told about the incident not the incident itself. It my opinion they're two different issues.
I don't see the problem with the children being told of the incident at all. It's a serious issue and needs to be addressed.

Yes the school was right to mention it
1.to avoid rumours and gossip
2.to send a clear message that this is unacceptable
3.to keep kids safe.

Bad things happen sometimes and brushing them under the carpet doesn't work as we've learned from the past.

Are you bringing up your child to think of bodies/sexuality as terrible, shameful, disgusting, frightening things? The school should have, as PP said, raised the matter with all the kids without naming any names or scaremongering, just reminding them that private parts are private and they shouldn't be showing or looking at them.
Of course, it could be that, despite the schoo'l's good intention, your DC subsequently overheard or was told some rather more alarmist stuff from other DC and that was what caused the upset.

Dear me storm in a teacup much? Nobody was abused nobody was 'hurt' or any other the hyperbolic terms you have used here yet your daughter is 'sobbing' due to this? Very odd

Op appeared to have a name change fail and went that way

Probably won’t be back

Op appeared to have a name change fail and went that way

Yep...

My DCs are older now, but when they were younger they knew that some people liked to look/touch your intimate parts and that it was very wrong, they should not allow it and go straight to parent/teacher if it happened.
In Y3, at roughly 8, they would have been disgusted by it, but not upset, unless it had happened to them as well. Or had done it themselves and feared being in trouble.

I am not minimising what happened, but a child sobbing and upset about it when not involved is a bit odd.

The only reason I can think of to be so distressed about it would be being raised believing everything involving intimate part is revolting and sinful and now the child thinks something terrible is going to happen to the two involved.

I knew a family like that. Hiding the body, school uniform two sizes too big, only books allowed for in-class reading were Christian books, the mother greeting everyone at the gates with " have you felt the love of jesus today?" . Not saying this is your case OP, but your child reaction is not typical. Most at that age, would believe it is gross, not sob in a way they never did before.

I believe the school was right to talk about it

Some children are more sensitive than most, often the most sheltered are in my experience. In some cases it also has to do with the way parents teach them to react to potentially unsettling information - some children do enjoy acting upset for the sympathy and attention and so will play up to it.

I think the school response was proportionate and necessary, OP.

another child, a small child in reception that went to the loo and was followed there by an older child Y5 or Y6, not sure amd was „asked/ forced” to show their private parts. I asked if the child managedbto run away or did they showntbeir privates. My child said the snall child was scared so did it but they were very brave and told the teacher.

I really cannot fathom why you would ask whether the child in question showed the older child their private parts?! What answer were you expecting? I just can't imagine that being my first response to the story you were told and the knowledge that your child was upset.

(Let alone the fact that I cannot imagine the teacher going into that level of detail - why on earth would they share that about the child in question, especially since it is bound to get out who it was that was involved and there's NO reason for their peers to know that and if they did tell all the children that then I think there may have been an error in judgement over that level of detail, but not from your child's perspective rather from that of the children involved).