Should have children been told of this incident by the school?

[Cashewsandhummus]

DC quite upset tonight. There was a serious incident at their school and the teacher told them about it. Y3. Nothing that we ever discussed in details, just that there are bad people.
I'd filter particularly gruesome and upsetting news so it's the first time DC heard about something like this.
Was the school right to notify the children before the parents? Should it be up to us to decide how and what we tell the children?
Now I have a sobbing child which never happened before.

OP are you on glue?

I'm sorry your child is upset but the school needed to talk to the children to make sure they ALL knew it was not OK for this happen and who to speak to if it has or does. They can't really send an email out asking all parents to talk to their child about it. Some might, some might not.
That said, I do think they should have told parents they had the conversation rather than parents finding out from their small children.
Plus to me - asking an older child asking a smaller child to show them their privates is the same as forcing them to do it. The smaller child is with an older child who is likely to be physically bigger than them - they would potentially be scared of what would happen to them if they refused.
I was sexually assaulted as an child - but also sexually assaulted as an adult. The incident as a child was physically more minor than what happened to me as an adult - but pyschologicaly caused me so much more damage because I complied with something I did not want to do because I feared for my life. The shame and the disgust with myself scarred me for life. So I do feel very sorry for the small child - and also in the sense that other children are likely to know what happened. But I also worry for the older child - it could be a sign that this child is being sexually abused themselves.

I guess everyone in the OP's house has an exaggeratedly histrionic reaction to everything. I bet you also have one of those dogs that goes absolutely berserk when a leaf falls in the garden, right, OP?

Sunny hot summers or are you 31goingon13?

Oh dear. What an awful thread

I'm posting to join in the arguing back & forth but I just want to add that I think the school 100% handled this correctly.

Unfortunately things happen in the world and we can't shield children all the time. What we can do is be open and honest with children (age appropriately of course) and use experiences and real life examples to help our children learn and develop self protection skills.

If we've learned anything from all the big scandals of late is that covering up, being secretive and brushing things under the carpet is harmful. For everyone.

Also the incident would be classed as inappropriate sexualised behaviour from the 10 year old to the younger child. Not a sexual assault.

If op is returning it would be interesting to know if there has been subsequent information from school, or whether her dc has been calmer and she has downplayed it since. I would find it strange if older child were not known to staff but for obvious reasons they would not pass this on.

It's funny how differently people handle situations, isn't it? I think the school was absolutely right in doing this and it's very unlikely they did it in anything other than an age-appropriate way. Much as we like to protect our children, shielding them from every kind of nastiness is actually doing the opposite because it's not preparing them for the real world. Personally, I'd have taken this as an opportunity to underline the 'privates are private' message, and to praise the teachers for reassuring the children there is ALWAYS an adult they can turn to if they feel something isn't right.

Op ....

I actually think it is very important the school did discuss this . You yourself have said you protect / shield your child there are children whose parents won’t discuss this.

I think you response to child been upset is odd . My response would be it is important you feel know you can say no. I would also be reinforcing telling the teacher.

We had a serious incident that happened to a child at my ds’s school ( not in school) for complicated legal reasons we were not allowed to be told , however it is small town and everyone knew. It was on news without names to explain seriousness of the situation. The children were given support in school . We received a letter from head a guvenors at a later date Sometimes there reasons parents aren’t informed.

What has happened at your dc school is a safeguarding issue that they have to address

OP, I am sorry this happened at your child's school and I can imagine it is very worrying and upsetting for you. Especially with not knowing who the child was, that must weigh on every parents mind.

It worries me that your child was so upset though, a child sobbing about this at that age would ring weaning bells for me. Their reaction is not what I would expect. Which reinforces why it's so important that the school have discussed this, you admit yourself to filtering what your child sees and knows, so that is why it's so vital that schools so take the stance of informing children about what is appropriate or not.

Your child's extreme reaction could just have been because they have been sheltered and not realised people have ulterior motives, but I think an open conversion or why your child is upset needs to happen. And if it's just because of what the teacher said, then it's impotent that your child knows how to react in those circumstances.

I do think the school should have followed through with parents though, hopefully they did by Friday. I think in this case it would have been good practice to inform all parents what the children were informed, what happened and link to the pants campaign so parents can reinforce a united front of how to protect their children.

I know you have stated you haven't discussed things like this with your child, I think the shock that these things happen has really upset them and I think from that you need to play a more active role in teaching your child.

Our of curiosity what would you have said to your child? If thing would have gone the the way you wanted how would you have informed them or would you have?

The school handled this well.

As a parent your job now is to follow up on that to make sure your DC understand what's right and what's wrong and reassure them.

@tinytemper66 I thought the exact same thing as you, very similar aren't they?