Should have children been told of this incident by the school?

[Cashewsandhummus]

DC quite upset tonight. There was a serious incident at their school and the teacher told them about it. Y3. Nothing that we ever discussed in details, just that there are bad people.
I'd filter particularly gruesome and upsetting news so it's the first time DC heard about something like this.
Was the school right to notify the children before the parents? Should it be up to us to decide how and what we tell the children?
Now I have a sobbing child which never happened before.

Maybe it's unusual that you think your child wouldn't be

Except that as far as I can see a lot of people are about the sobbing and no one has agreed that their child would be so upset.

It sounds like a perfectly appropriate chat about an incident which was almost certainly very inappropriate, and is being dealt with. I wouldn’t say that any sexual abuse has taken place but at any rate your DC presumably knows that unfortunately that does happen, so it’s hard to know what about this chat will have caused the upset.

As someone else said, the grapevine is a menace and it wouldn’t be good at all for different children to know different things about this.

Wholly appropriate of the school to tell every child, in school, more or less simultaneously, in sufficient detail that the children knew what happened, why it was wrong, and how to act in future if it happens to them.

If you yourself would prefer to say 'a bad person did something bad to someone who was younger in school', then tbh you aren't helping to keep your child safe, as they would not know what 'a bad person' looked like, and what the 'bad thing' was.

As many other people have said on this thread, a factual explanation of what happened, a why it was wrong (reinforce PANTS rule) and a what you should do about it (not make such requests, not show anyone your privates, and tell an adult you trust if something like this happens to you) would be age appropriate for any child in primary, and well within the norms for what a school teacher will talk about. Have a look at the SRE policy and materials for your school if you think this isn't something that your child should ever hear mentioned....

Of course they have to tell the kids that it is not ok and what to do in that situation

My child has twice been involved in similar type incidents as the victim at an older age (one time involved another child secretly filming him)

Although we and he were very upset about it the other children involved was still children & I don’t for one minute think they are abusers (though one needs serious help in my opinion).

The thing is though is that if the teacher had allowed the parents to talk about it first you risk parents going home and saying things like "child A is a bad person and sexually assaulted child B" it's something that has to be dealt with sensitively to protect all the children involved. The phrasing will have to be done right to avoid scaremongering and things.

I'm assuming the school will be investigating as to why the older child did this, I'm assuming there's potentially some background

I said gruesome and upsrtting news. Do you have Take a break on your coffee table then?

It’s not gruesome ffs

yes they should, mostly because of parents who won't discuss it properly or who will shriek about it and frighten the children.

Do you have Take a break on your coffee table then?

More of the time than I’d like to admit!

Cashews, it's funny you should mention Take A Break.

Are you saying that the teacher went into gruesome descriptions of a sexual assault on a child, to a class of 7/8 year olds?

nicknack are you not feeling well tonght. I was clearly answering the poster who said I was shielding my child from upsetting news. I said „gruesome and upsetting”. Is there naything else that I said you’d like to twist to feel nore superior?

I said gruesome and upsrtting news

I'm not sure what this has to do with take a break, but you were the first person to mention sexual assault.

Yes the teacher was definitely right to mention this incident. It is vital children are told about these things so they know they are wrong and if it happens to them to report it immediately!

I would absolutely love to shield my DC from all the horrible things that happen but inevitably, they have to learn that they do happen so they know how to react and how to protect themselves from it.

If you don’t want your child to learn anything about the real world, then homeschool.

The teacher acted entirely appropriately and did so to help safeguard your child. You should be glad they did.

I agree with all those saying better for all the children to be given a factual account rather than relying on parents to give varying amounts of information. I still remember being in what is now Y6 and going to ayear 3 class with a message to find one little boy sat all on his own because the rest of the class were watching the facts of life programme on the TV in the hall He told me his parents wouldn't let him watch it. Even aged 11 I felt sorry for that boy, as at play time all his mates would be talking about it and he'd be left out or getting a possibly incorrect version of what had been said. We protect our children best by giving them age appropriate explanations and information.

the children should be told by the teachers, so they all get the same information, and with no scaremongering -

the teachers would have spent lots of time getting the wording right and checked before they did,

assasinated can you read the thrrad with comprehension or you’re jsut looking at my posta in isolation. I’m not posting into the abyss, I was referring to another poster’s post.

Amazingly some people can answer my wuestion and explain without any aggro. Thank you for taking time to respond.

cashnew I’m perfectly fine thank you, unlike yourself.

You are going your child no favours and this incident shows that. I doubt the other children have reacted like yours as their parents will have spoken to them honestly and in an age appropriate manner.

This isn’t the “gruesome and upsetting” incident you think it is. You don’t even know what happened.

Blimey you're being hostile for no reason.

I think everyone who has answered the question has said the school were right to talk about it. However, i'm still unsure as to why your daughter is sobbing about the incident, or why you think it was sexual assault.

I mentioned take a break because recently there was a thrrad about it on here. The poster was wuoted headlines basically beung about incest, chopping priple up - the nore sensational take on a tragedy the better.

The school acted entirely appropriately and I think it’s highly unlikely that they went into graphic detail, it’s much more probable that they mentioned the incident factually and reinforced that private’s are private and to tell a trusted adult if anyone asks to see them.

I would be concerned as to why that resulted in your child being that distressed, most yr 3 children wouldn’t fully understand the implications of that or have any concept of sexual abuse, they’re 7/8 years old. Is your child usually very easily upset?

OP, I like many of the posters thought that the thing you were trying to shield your child from 'upsetting news' and imagined that what had happened was something distressing - someone died or a dreadful accident. So when we learn what it's about I think we all feel it's something all children should be aware of in order to protect themselves and not 'upsetting news' to be shielded from.