Should have children been told of this incident by the school?

[Cashewsandhummus]

DC quite upset tonight. There was a serious incident at their school and the teacher told them about it. Y3. Nothing that we ever discussed in details, just that there are bad people.
I'd filter particularly gruesome and upsetting news so it's the first time DC heard about something like this.
Was the school right to notify the children before the parents? Should it be up to us to decide how and what we tell the children?
Now I have a sobbing child which never happened before.

Would you rather the school hadn't mentioned it and you and your child heard through Chinese whispers and playground gossip ?

I would describe it as inappropriate, but with no context, ie SEN etc it's hard to make too much of a judgement.

My DC went to a very diverse school with a huge special needs unit - this type of thing wasn't uncommon and was always dealt with sensitively - without labelling the 'perp' as a sexual attacker.

I don't believe for one minute your DC have been 'sobbing' about it unless you have put it into their heads that there are sexual predators on the loose in their school!!

FWIW different incident but when my DC was in primary one of the reception teachers suffered a stillbirth At 28 weeks so her class were aware already that she was pg etc.

The school took the decision to inform the parents first, and the result of that was that some parents informed their children and others didn’t, o the next morning in the playground before school one of the children ran up to one of the others and blurted out “mrs smith’s baby’s dead.” (That’s not her rl name) he meant no malice by it, he was just four, but the other child hadn’t been told by his mum because she was at the same stage of pregnancy and didn’t feel he should know.

If school tell all the children at the same time there is no risk that some children will know and others won’t, or that some children won’t have been told in a different way, already you have gone from talking about a child asking another to show their bits to categorising it as both sexual abuse and sexual assault (neither of which it was IMO) whereas another parent might be more factual and others may not tell their children at all, and that’s how Chinese whispers start in the playground.

I think you are overreacting. I assumed from your OP that an adult had hurt a child, or that a child had been seriously injured in some way.

It's important that the teacher talked to the children, to make sure that they are aware of appropriate boundaries, and that they can come and talk to someone if something happens that makes them feel frightened or uncomfortable.

I expect the school are now supporting both children & investigating if the older child is being abused elsewhere. A year 5/6 child is still a very young child and depending on their level of maturity & understanding can’t really be seen an an abuser in the same way as an older child. That’s why the age of criminal responsibility is set the way it is.

Is your child scared that someone might hurt her? Or upset that another child has been hurt? Is that it?

You're still now describing what happened as an assault where originally you described inappropriate behaviour (following into toilets, asking to look at privates). Which was it?

I think that this way it means all the children are told the same story and are able to ask questions at the time. If left up to the parents, so will sugarcoat what happened and others might either not say anything or go into more detail. This way it controls what it said and minimises rumours going round the school.

How would I describe it?

As inappropriate

Not as sexual abuse that's for sure.

I said from the beginning it was an older and younger child, I even later clarified the ages. I have no idea why some posters are hell bent on saying this is normal.

Please read the thread, it sounds like some just want to have a pop at me and prove to me how unusual it is that my child is upset. Maybe it's unusual that you think your child wouldn't be.

m.youtube.com/watch?v=-lL07JOGU5o

All kids at DCs school are familiar with this

It is not normal

It is inappropriate

It is not sexual abuse.

I will ask again, does your child know there are people that do bad things or do you shield them from that?

At the start of the thread I was trying to be as vague as I could because there must be other parents from our school on here. it was clear that people couldn't say if that's normal for teachers to announce that without knowing the details.
Please take out your frustration on someone else.

The school is safeguarding and behaving appropriately.

I really don't want to have a pop at you so please don't take this as being unkind. However, it is a bit strange that your daughter is so upset over this, we know she wasn't the child involved as you said she was upset over the child being hurt (although i'm still not sure how the child was hurt)

Most children would have listened to the teacher then carried on with their day.

Failing to see what the teacher has done wrong.

nicknack If you read my OP then you'd know the answer to that.

I don't think it's fair either to call a 10 yr old child a bad person because they asked a 5 year old to show them their genitals. At 10 they are not a paedophile, they are a child.

I really don't understand why this would make you child cry, why has it upset them so much? Would they even be aware of how serious this could be? At yr 3 I don't think sexual predator was something that I strong concept of so I can't imagine being upset by it. I would be worried about how sheltered your child was if this has made them sob

Mine all did the nspcc pants workshop recently.
I think it needs talking about, the more we talk about it the more kids know it’s not ok. Talking is the only thing that stops abuse.

I am sorry your child was upset, but as long as the teacher handled it sensitively I think it’s inportant to talk.

Make your mind up. First you say child a asked child b to show them their privates. Next child a forced child b, then that you didn't have any details, now that child a was in Y5/6 and child b in Reception!
You're putting your own spin on things, i.e. Teacher talks about staying safe and uses the example of what to do if another child asks you to show them your privates.
If a child really had assaulted another child in is way, then the school would not have told anyone else about it apart from the families involved.

So you have been doing them a disservice which is why I asked as I thought I had picked you up wrong. My 4 year old knows there are people about that do bad things and I explain the reasons that people might make bad decisions,

I would hope the school used age appropriate language but I’d be glad they had talked to my child.

You shielding your child and filtering 'upsetting news' is the issue here.

I think the parents should have been informed first by email, so that they had a chance to talk it through with their children that night. but should have been told that the school would be sharing it with all the children in an appropriate classroom setting the next morning. That way parents could control the initital conversation and questions if they wanted to and those that didnt could let the school handle it the next morning.

Op asks 'should children have been told about this incident?'

Everyone else 'yes of course' it helps keep our DC safe'

Op 'you are all wrong and out to get me'