Just asked DH to get a vasectomy

[prettymuchaceleb]

Here's to hoping he goes and gets one! His main concern is lasting pain long after the op(although I pointed out how I have had episiotomies and c sections and they had slight pain ) , any horror stories or is it mostly ok?
I'm hoping to rejuvenate our sex life somewhat also, after years of being on the blasted pill.

I also no longer have PIV either. I never liked it much and the thought of a potential pregnancy made it that I could never relax when having sex and as a result PIV was nearly always uncofomfortable if not painful.

I am completely baffled by the sheer number of men who refuse to use any sort of contraception. They don't like how condoms feel, but won't get a vasectomy either. They not only expect, but demand their female partners do whatever they can to prevent a pregnancy and are livid when she gets pregnant anyway.

But I deem the majority of men unfuckable as they are selfish bastards who are only interested in porn sex and don't give a hoot about their partner's pleasure or well being. Yet, they will still use the l-word. This world is a strange place.

I think like all procedures there's a choice.
But there's also a choice to have sex.

I've talked to my husband and after we've kids he said he would not get a vasectomy.
Which I'm totally fine with. However if he doesn't he will have too wear a condom every time we've sex and that's his choice.

I think that if you both don't want any more children, you have to have a discussion on what contraception you use.

If the man doesn't like condoms and won't get the vasectomy then it's up to the woman to decide if she wants to use contraception. If she doesn't then stalemate

Long term condom user here, following very serious and life impacting pain resulting from a vasectomy.

Chronic pain rate occurance stats from a number of national level health bodies:
Canadian Urology Association give the chronic pain outcomes at between 1 and 14% www.cua.org/themes/web/assets/files/vasectomy4017_v4.pdf

14% = up to one in eight

In the U.S. the AUA say quality of life impacting chronic pain occurs in between 1/50 to 1/100 surgeries. www.auanet.org/guidelines/vasectomy-(2012-amended-2015)

British Association of Urological Surgeons, patient advice reports chronic pain in 5-15% of patients. www.baus.org.uk/_userfiles/pages/files/Patients/Leaflets/Vasectomy.pdf
5% = 1 in twenty
15%= 1 in seven

UK National Health Service www.nhsdirect.wales.nhs.uk/encyclopaedia/v/article/vasectomy/#risks

"Long-term testicular pain affects around one in 10 men after vasectomy. The pain is usually the result of a pinched nerve or scarring that occurred during the operation. You may be advised to undergo further surgery to repair the damage and to help minimise further pain."

Journal article on what life is like living with long term genital pain for men (in summary it's pretty bad):
www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/24740527.2017.1328592

Background article on Post vasectomy pain syndrome:
vasectomy-information.com/post-vasectomy-pain-syndrome-scientific-review/

Journal of Urology article on post vasectomy pain syndrome and it's causes:
onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/full/10.1002/j.1939-4640.2003.tb02675.x

Any man thinking about this needs to understand the REAL risks of being left in very long term pain from the procedure, which are MUCH higher than popular discourse would suggest.

All of this "a good man would", "only a bad man would not rubbish" richly deserves to be ignored.

Is it any wonder the rates of vasectomy use are in steep decline?
www.theguardian.com/society/2016/oct/21/number-of-vasectomies-in-england-falls-64-in-10-years

"Good men" warn other men about the REAL risks of vasectomy.

To my mind the chronic pain risk is far too high to consider for any operation with easy simple and low risk alternatives. It is never a choice between vasectomy and no contraception.

My DP has agreed to have a vasectomy despite being scared of medical procedures. He's seen me go through 2 pregnancies with hyperemesis and gestational diabetes, a painful miscarriage in between followed by subsequent womb infection, childbirth, stitches, PND and horrible side effects from the pill. Sterilisation isn't an appropriate surgery for me due to other risk factors.

Women regularly undertake far greater risks within reproductive health and I think the risks of vasectomy are overstated because they happen to men. Tbh if he had refused to agree to a vasectomy after all that I have endured to have our family then I would lose a lot of respect for him.

Unless using condoms forever, you can counterbalance all of the potential problems with a vasectomy with the damage hormonal contraception does and childbirth or abortion does to women. So stalemate.

DW was on the pill when we got together but we had the common issues of mood, sex drive etc (an aside but such a shame GPs don't tell you this!)

The issues with hormonal contraception are extremely common knowledge. It's the idea that we should expect men to take any part of the responsibility and risk that isn't pushed enough. Women deal with the issues from hormonal contraception because men can't be expected or trusted to step up to the fucking plate.

@noeffingidea same here. I knew I didn’t want any more babies, so got sterilised. I don’t know if DH would have had a vasectomy, probably would have, but I wanted to be in charge of whether my body produces any more children.

He does it, you do it, as long as you’re both on the same page....

DH had it done after our family was complete and I didn’t want to go back on the pill. It was a little tender for a couple of weeks but no problems since!

I do think he will go through with it , he understands what I have been through and how it affects me mentally. You have to stop at some point anyway because of finances, mental stability etc.

DW was on the pill when we got together but we had the common issues of mood, sex drive etc (an aside but such a shame GPs don't tell you this!)

Er, they do tell you this - and a lot more that comes with being on the pill too! Men just don't appear that interested in listening to it until it impacts them personally in a major way (I realise that 'men' here is a vast generalisation, and for the few men who do realise this and want to help mitigate it, brilliant, however I do believe the generalisation to be fair). The vast majority of women are only too aware of the problems that come with being on the pill, which is why they're not particularly impressed when a man won't even consider a vasectomy.

The annoying thing about this debate is that currently it is the norm for the woman to be responsible for contraception. The fact that so many of the contraceptive choices available to women have horrific side effects is just viewed as "one of those things" and I honestly find that disgusting. Apologies if this has already been mentioned but I read that the development of a male pill was stopped due to the unacceptable side effects observed that were actually no worse than the effects associated with the female pill that lots of women currently take everyday. Doesn't that say it all?

Ultimately I do believe that men do have the final say about having a vasectomy as it is their body, however I do also think that their partner is perfectly within their rights to refuse to use an alternative contraception or have sex until the issue is resolved. Of course you could say this puts the man under undue pressure but the reality is that unless you want loads of babies, someone has got to take responsibility at some point and I don't think the woman should be presumed to be the one that's saddled with years of undesirable side effects from using contraception.

I believe this is a feminist issue and one where the prevailing attitudes need to be challenged to liberate women from always needing to be the responsible one in these kinds of scenarios.

We have had our 2 kids. DW was on the pill when we got together but we had the common issues of mood, sex drive etc (an aside but such a shame GPs don't tell you this!)

Who's we?

'Much higher than popular discourse would suggest"

But of course, complications from pregnancy and childbirth are all well known and clear

I know so many women with long lasting side effects from pregnancy, childbirth, and motherhood - let's not forget the mental toll that comes from being a child's primary carer during some emotional ties.

Let's also be honest - the medical community historically just did not give a shit about physical complications for women because motherhood is 'natural'. 1 in 2 women will have a pelvic organ prolapse in their lifetime.

But of course vasectomies and their complications are well documented as they're easily diagnosed post operatively.

pigeondujour

I'm now imagining his wife saying "Oh yeah, we had some slightly bothersome scrotal pain for a few days".

There was no ‘we’ in DH’s scrotal pain. HE had scrotal pain, I just had three days of laughing at him wearing my leggings

Although if my husband wanted one I wouldn't stop him, I do know a person that developed necrotising fasciiitis as a result of a vasectomy, it very nearly killed him and he was left with horrific damage to his nether regions.

TheDowagerCuntess I am "rigid in my thinking" because this is about someone elses body, I am as rigid when it comes to sex, pregnancy, abortion. Or do you think that a woman should get pregnant because a man wants her to? Do you think that a woman should have sex because a man wants her to? Do you think that a woman should have an abortion because a man wants her to? There are some areas where there is no compromise. Peoples bodies are one of those areas. That you don't think so tells people a lot about someone that thinks a man should have a vasectomy because his partner wants him to.

And once again - a man that opts out of a simple procedure (that carries some risk but nowhere in the league of multiple pregnancies, childbirth and the fertile years' worth of contraception), removes the choice and autonomy from the woman. It's - yet again - her problem.

The nature of their relationship changes irrevocably - or she carries on doing something she doesn't want to to.

Because men who won't have vasectomies are rarely the type to be understanding about their partner's wellbeing. We wouldn't be having this discussion if they were.

Shame that people are seeing this as a competition

It's not a competition in a loving relationship - it's a simple conversation.

It's only a 'competition' when I discuss it online, with other men.

That's a nice list you have their owmyscrollocks.

If we were to list all the risks, side effects and complications women face when it comes to dealing with reproductive health, we'd finish the thread.

Men who opt out of vasectomy, opt out of a sexual relationship IMO

Except in reality, they don't, do they?

They usually find a way for it to carry on - whether by wheedling, whining, cajoling, sulking, guilt/manipulation (or worse), etc.

Of course, constantly bleating about their ‘body autonomy’ no doubt, while enjoying fatherhood but being prepared to offer no conclusion to it. Hideous

Here are the list of available contraception options which largeltly involve not having a vasectomy from the NHS website. www.nhs.uk/conditions/contraception/which-method-suits-me/?tabname=methods-of-contraception . If your wife or partner respects you so little that she attempts to emotionally blackmail, strong arm or manipulate you into permanent sexual sterilisation for her own benefit, in spite of fully knowing the risks, she probably isn't worth sleeping with anyhow, or indeed being with overall. Condoms are great and have not been un-invented if you are happy to deal with contraception as a man. They are about a hundred zillion times better than the potential life long problems that can result from a vasectomy. Vasectomy, just say NO.

The semen no longer smells, that's another plus. Anyone else notice?