Just asked DH to get a vasectomy

[prettymuchaceleb]

Here's to hoping he goes and gets one! His main concern is lasting pain long after the op(although I pointed out how I have had episiotomies and c sections and they had slight pain ) , any horror stories or is it mostly ok?
I'm hoping to rejuvenate our sex life somewhat also, after years of being on the blasted pill.

cantakerous but you’re assuming the family is finished. Relationships end, new ones begin.

Fucking hell, you don’t think that a man having three children is the same as a woman having three children and then deciding it’s over? Relationships end but not wirh your kids! What sort of mindset is that?

Obviously who knows what the future holds but I’m just saying nothing is certain. The only thing I know is I don’t want any more children so I take control of that. For me. Not to spare my husband s discomfort, or for any other reason, for me.

My husband doesn’t want more than three kids either. What makes you think it would be any different to the conclusion I came to for me? It absolutely is certain.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-vasectomy_pain_syndrome . Your choice as a couple to discuss of course, someone being put off by a 10% long term pain rate as referenced in the NHS guides might well be understandable to others however, and they may seek the alternatives. A lifetime can be long and changeable, especially with a chronic health problem.

What’s the rate of ongoing pain for birth? A shit tonne more than 10%.i don’t see a barrage of men ‘exploring other options’. Anyway the technique has hugely improved in the last few years

We both agree our families are complete, We Agree! How we choose to make that a permanent thing is different and that’s fine too , it doesn’t make your husband better than mine for having a vasectomy.

cantankerous just a courtesy post to say I’m going to bed. Not ignoring any future posts!

Dh was fine - went on a Saturday, back at work Monday

There are many ways to avoid pregnancy, plus as before, condoms. There is vasagel and also the 'dick click' implantable valve both under development, but they are not yet with us.

I don't like the man enough phrase. It suggests men should be brave and strong and just because someone doesn't have a vasectomy they're weak and not manly.

From what I have read the numbers against chronic vasectomy pain have been increased in recent years. Plus every so often there is a reopening of the other suggested health problems such as increased rates of aggressive prostate cancer, especially for younger men. amp.theguardian.com/society/2014/jul/11/vasectomy-prostate-cancer-study

"just because someone doesn't have a vasectomy they're weak and not manly." Indeed deriding someone for not "being a man" by committing to remove one of their primary sexual characteristics (the ability to reproduce) seems a bit of a strange thing.

I would say taking responsibility for your sperm is very manly! Like I said, the only penis getting near me, is one that’s shut off.

If your wife or partner respects you so little that she attempts to emotionally blackmail, strong arm or manipulate you into permanent sexual sterilisation for her own benefit, in spite of fully knowing the risks, she probably isn't worth sleeping with anyhow, or indeed being with overall. for her own benefit? Are you for real? Does the man then not get any benefits - like being able to enjoy a sexual relationship while knowing his as well as her fertility is under control? And if the woman is unable to use other methods of contraception comfortably, how happy are most men to say "That's fine, darling. We just won't do it anymore." Not many, is my guess.

Personally, I didn’t like the ‘my husband is man enough to get the snip’.

🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm coming from the position of - my late DF, who'd be nearly 80 if he were alive, saying many years ago (when I was a teen, probably in the context of a contraception talk) that he'd had the snip - it was the least he could do. That has framed my thinking.

And then, many years later, when it was clear that we'd finished our family, DH raising it and suggesting it himself.

So, yes I do think much less of men who won't do it. Why wouldn't I, when that's my frame of reference?

I'm quite open about that. Have been all through this thread.

I'm not here to placate anyone's feelings, or to try to make them feel better.

If your wife or partner respects you so little that she attempts to emotionally blackmail, strong arm or manipulate you into permanent sexual sterilisation for her own benefit

'Her own benefit'. You're hilarious.

Note to deficient men: not one of us had to emotionally blackmail anyone - our men are so happy to do it, THEY suggest it themselves.

That's the uncomfortable truth for you.

"deficient men" and there you have it, question gender, infantalise , whatever level you need to drop to. Same old cack tactics. NHS states one in ten are left in chronic pain by vasectomy, that's good enough for me. There is nothing "deficient" in not liking the look of those numbers.

Please. Anyone who spouts the drivel I directly quoted, is deficient.

Just reading through the thread and wanted to thank @TheDowagerCuntess for her contributions. You make some excellent points and I really like your direct approach. It strikes me that a lot of the women posting on here presumably defending their partners who don't want a vasectomy are really keen to asset that their partner is no less of a man for not stepping up and taking some responsibility for your mutual reproductive health. Unfortunately at the moment women carry the overwhelming majority of the burden for this over their lifetime whilst men just get to benefit from having the kids but not having to worry about the contraception and consequences of any failures. If you are a man and don't want any further children than you do have a moral duty to strongly consider having a vasectomy and I do think badly of any man that chooses not to because they're afraid of medical procedures or don't want to take any risks whatsoever. What about the whole host of risks women face at almost every stage of the reproductive cycle? If we all opted out of them then their wouldn't be any children born at all and nobody would be having any sex.

Has anyone had their request rejected? I know that women can't be sterilised until a certain age ? But is it the same with men?

Thank you @Bumpitybumper.

I feel strongly about this, and I think it is a feminist issue.

I voice my opinion strongly, as I don't see the need to pussyfoot around the issue, and I think it's important that women question these things.

Mumsnet is exactly the place for that sort of questioning to take place.

It's difficult for us, as women, to have our voices heard. The risks from pregnancy are far-reaching - up to, and including, death.

Hormonal contraception for the duration of one's fertile years also has a huge impact. Emotionally, physically and mentally. Sometimes even financially.

But women taking these relentless 'hits' is just shrugged and accepted as part and parcel.

Not all men accept this, though.

Condoms are great, but they're not fail-safe, and quite honestly, they're nowhere near as convenient, stress-limiting and pleasant as a contraceptive-free experience.

If you, as a woman, want to be sterilised, then more power to you. However, I can't recommend highly enough, having a partner who's willing to step in and do it instead.

Again - many, many men are happy and willing to do this. That is the uncomfortable truth for those men who opt out, and for those women compelled to defend their men.

This is an interesting one. After 10 years on the pill, 2 pregnancies and 12 years of the coil I have said " no more". I'm not that bothered about avoiding pregnancy- DH much more so, its been interesting. So far its a stand off, he shows no signs of making an appointment and i refuse to sort it out. We shall see.

I'm in the 'his body, his choice' camp. 10% is really a very high complication rate. And yes, I know I took a bigger risk getting pregnant nine times (6 mcs, 3 children), but a) I wanted to and b) I have come through it all well (despite two rather hairy births and one turbo-labour). My dh pulls far more than his weight at home and supports me in everything. I'm not going to complain if he chooses not to undergo a medical procedure which can have serious consequences. (I don't/can't/won't use hormones or the coil. Condoms are perfectly fine, combined in my case with keeping an eye on my cycle).

CantankerousCamel Its hypocrisy because its your body your choice except that when its his body it should apparently be your choice as well. Frankly neither you or dowager have made any real input to the thread since you stopped debating the point and started dissing men.

I couldn't disagree more.

The total lack of input has come from your almost Trump-esque, arms folded high across chest, belligerent face, my-body-my-choice-couldn't-give-a-shit-about-your-body-or-your-choice stance.