Just asked DH to get a vasectomy

[prettymuchaceleb]

Here's to hoping he goes and gets one! His main concern is lasting pain long after the op(although I pointed out how I have had episiotomies and c sections and they had slight pain ) , any horror stories or is it mostly ok?
I'm hoping to rejuvenate our sex life somewhat also, after years of being on the blasted pill.

I can just picture the type of bloke who'd refuse to get a vasectomy.

Far from being accepting of his partner's desire to no longer have PIV sex, he'd be the type to whine, cajole and/or sulk to get it - at best - and coerce, at worst.

So the woman ends up still having PIV sex, even though she doesn't want it, and the risk is still entirely there for her.

See Bagel's situation. Bagel - I mean, it's hardly going to be conducive to a good sex life, is it??

Again, men - this is your jizz that causes all the issues. YOU deal with it, instead of expecting the woman you supposedly love to, as usual.

Yes, we definitely need to ensure that women question the inherent selfishness of any partner who would opt out of this procedure, and leave it all to her.

We also need to ensure that all of the dangers of this are fully known, that it isn't passed off as some silly little operation with no consequences and that body autonomy is for both sexes.

My dh refused. It's one of the reasons he's now exdh. I was on hormornal contraceptives for 17 years, but after the birth of dc3, where I haemorrhaged and I took the best part of a year to fully recover, I told him it was his turn to take responsibility.

I was happy to use condoms, he wasn't. The lack of respect for me and my health was a significant factor in the break up of our marriage.

My DH said years ago he wanted one but never did anything about it. He's got an appointment to discuss it in October and I can't wait

I don’t have an opinion really (apart from agreeing that men should take a turn once a couple are done having a family) but couldn’t resist this clueless uninformed little gem
but thats 9 months this is the rest of my life
Hhahaaa rofl just because none of the women you know corner you to detail their ongoing issues affecting quality of life. But you want people to pay attention and be more informed about the ongoing impact of vasectomies. Oh it’s too much I can’t breathe. I’m sorry you have ongoing issues but you lose my sympathy when in the same breath you dismiss the substantial long term or permanent issues many women face. Not to mention I’ve never heard of anyone dying from a vasectomy.

It amazes me that someone with so little insight into the lived experiences of women would even need a vastetomy

It amazes me that someone with so little insight into the lived experiences of women would even need a vastetomy

Well, exactly, but as MN is testament to, even the most backward of men seem to find women willing to couple up with them.

that it isn't passed off as some silly little operation with no consequences and that body autonomy is for both sexes.

It IS minor when compared with multiple pregnancies and childbirth, plus the responsibly and emotional and physical impacts of contraception for the duration of a women's fertile years.

And again by opting out, you remove the choice from the woman, if you expect to be able to have PIV sex.

It's your semen, mate. Your bodily secretion that 100% impacts on women.

You sort it.

Nobody told me I would have lifelong debilitating mental health and joint pain from growing children, it’s been a ‘happy’ surprise

My dh had his about a year ago now. He's so glad he had it. Was sore for about a week but has been absolutely fine since then. We were both wary, after seeing horror stories online. I always figure tho, people who have bad experiences go online for support and to share their stories, people with no issues whatsoever generally just get on with their life so you don't hear the accounts of those. Every single person I personally know/know of who has had to done has been problem free

There are large scale studies that show around 2% chance of chronic scrotal pain that negatively impacts on a patient’s life and this is likely to fall further as more people undergo no scalpel techniques.

The risk of chronic pain from a groin hernia repair is higher than this but you don’t hear so many people going on about it.

It’s an excellent method of contraception with a low complication and failure rate.

It's absolutely a choice - and rightly so.

All medical procedures carry risk and it's important to have informed consent.

But it does piss me right off when I read the old trope of pregnancy and birth being over in 9 months as compared to the small risk of long-term pain from a vasectomy. Tell that to the women with split stomach muscles that need surgical repair, 'aprons' from c-section scars, continence issues, pain during sex, PTSD from traumatic births, tender scar tissues after tears and episiotomies, back and pelvic pain, stretchmarks and changed bodies.

My ex had it done he didn't follow post op instructions and has pain but he is a twat for not following the instructions

My dh is generally a bit of a wuss so I was amazed that he offered to have a vasectomy. He was tender for a few days but aside from that no issues.

So how many mean die from vasectomies? How many women die in childbirth? It does still happen in this day and age although much lower than ever.

My dad lost a testicle to the snip but it was done in the 80s more complicated than it needed to be

@worridmum It sounds like you are suggesting people use the morning after pill as a form of birth control - surely not? That would be utterly moronic.

Nearly as moronic as @rwalker - only nine months? You are joking, of course. Being pregnant now with my second, which appears to be wrecking my body for the long term, finishing off the job started by baby number one, my husband wouldn't dream of putting me through this again. But that's because he's a decent human being. I would take the relatively low risk of lasting damage from a vasectomy over the significantly higher risk of long term damage from pregnancy and birth quite happily.

I think Boney and the Cuntess both make very good points and bodily autonomy should absolutely be the prerogative of both sexes but it's hard for me to imagine a man in a genuinely loving relationship refusing to do so except in certain very specific circumstances. That would be a selfish twat.

I just said I'm not on the pill anymore, you either sort out the contraception, or buy me a bigger car to fit the extra child in. Was booked immediately, after years of refusing.

A relative of mine unfortunately has lasting complications from it but the few friend's husbands I know of seemed to be fine.

Nobody saying there isn't a risk.

And nobody is frog-marching anyone to a clinic, pinning them down, and giving them the snip without their consent.

Personally speaking, I'm just judging - and judging harshly - any man who isn't decent enough to want to step up and take the risk. Just as his partner has done.

You will notice that Boney sticks to a rigid 'his body, his choice' stance. There is no empathy, compromise, solution-finding, acknowledgement, gratitude, appreciation - anything - in his position. Not a whit.

This tells you all you need to know about the type of man who refuses to have a vasectomy.

And what's more embarrassing is that the men who refuse, are completely shown up by the significant proportion of men who think it's the least they can do.

but thats 9 months this is the rest of my life

Haaaaa. Not one woman I know who has had children has come out without at least one permanent change, some of them really serious.
Mine are truly trivial, in the scheme of things: my feet are a size bigger, I have a permanent 'apron' feature from the CS, and some really quite spectacular stretch marks.
Other women have been nowhere near this lucky.

Nine months only, my bum.

Shame that people are seeing this as a competition, it suggests your relationships have some cracks to start with.
Both parties have 100% right to do as they like with their bodies.
Both parties have the right to not like the other's decision.
In a good relationship you will be jointly responsibly for the "evil jizz" and the "evil egg".
We have had our 2 kids. DW was on the pill when we got together but we had the common issues of mood, sex drive etc (an aside but such a shame GPs don't tell you this!)
We have always talked and agreed on three things. We're both a bit tired of condoms and I'm looking into the snip, though a bit nervous. If I didn't want to, I wouldn't and she would understand.

Please op just talk with dh and be patient. :)

These things not three things

My dh is afraid of needles and had to have a sedative. It failed, had to go back a year later. Was fairly sore and swollen the second time round for a week or so.

Yes we definitely need to ensure that women question the inherent selfishness of any partner who would opt out of this procedure, and leave it all up to her
Question your own partner all you like, other people's partners have fuck all to do with you. I chose to have be sterilised myself, couldn't care less if my husband wanted a vasectomy or not.

Strange I've had 3 children without any 'permanent changes'. Same with my friend.