Just asked DH to get a vasectomy

[prettymuchaceleb]

Here's to hoping he goes and gets one! His main concern is lasting pain long after the op(although I pointed out how I have had episiotomies and c sections and they had slight pain ) , any horror stories or is it mostly ok?
I'm hoping to rejuvenate our sex life somewhat also, after years of being on the blasted pill.

Dh had issues with his that resulted in pain for about a year afterwards. Fine now.

It feels like such a luxury not having to think about birth control after so many years on the pill.

When the man opts out, he either forces the woman to opt in, or the nature of their relationship shifts such that a regular sexual relationship is off the table.

I've argued with you about this before Boney and my position remains unchanged.

I judge any man who is unwilling to do this.

...and I think it's fairly safe to conclude that the sort of man who opts out of a vasectomy, will not be the sort of man who'd happily go the rest of his married life without PIV sex.

The sort of man who'd be willing to do that for the health and well-being of his partner, would be the sort of man who'd have a vasectomy.

but thats 9 months this is the rest of my life
Its not just 9 months though in a lot of cases...ive been left with a lifelong condition, on pain killers constantly, and have been told another pregnancy will likely land me in a wheelchair.
So no. For me it isnt just 9 months.
Im 27 years old and will never be pain free.

I look down on any man who forces a woman to stay on hormonal contraception because of the minuscule risk of modern vasectomy.

We do childbirth at great physical risk and obligation. They do vasectomy.

Most women I know have some residual issue from child bearing.

It’s not 9 months ffs

DH has said he wouldn’t get a vascectomy but he’s happy to use condoms (he has always been baffled as to why anyone would use hormonal contraception) which we both like as nice and neat, and anyway we don’t always have PIV sex. So for us him having one wouldn’t alter our sex life at all.

I don’t judge him for this. Right from the start of our relationship when we were 30 he has taken joint responsibility for contraception, which is more than most men are ever prepared to do.

And sorry to be completely crass, but men - it's your jizz that's the issue here. Yours and no-one else's.

Step up to the damn plate, for once in your life.

DH has said he will have one, after lots of thinking about it. We just have to decide whether we want another baby first.

TheDowagerCuntess

We have indeed dance this dance before, and I respect you for your stance. But its generally worth going around again.

Yes exactly. Men need to sort their jizz out. Here is how you do it. Get on with it!

DH bit sore for a couple of days, no other issues.

DH is planning one in the new year. I'm about to have DC2 via c section due to ongoing issues from my first birth 3 years ago. Hormonal contraception has caused me untold mental and physical problems for the duration of our relationship. Condoms are also a difficult issue due to a latex allergy and the cost of latex free condoms in my area (I know some areas prescribe/give them away at family planning-ours don't cater for latex free).

The risk is worth it for us. Same as the risk of having another child was worth it for us. Every surgery has risks of some kind, same with contraceptive medications.

My DH is horrified that there are men out there who purport to love their wives or long term partner, have seen them go through monthly periods, pregnancy, childbirth and subsequent permanent physical changes and know that the menopause is still to come. And yet, even though they both agree that they don't want any more children and that they don't want to use condoms long term, aren't prepared to go and get the snip

My DP was fine, he didn't have any pain really. Drive himself there and back and was at work the next day. No infections or anything untoward. Good luck

DH took it easy after his for a few days and no pain etc afterwards. Very straightforward and great for relationship.
No quite a few men who have had and no long lasting issues. They all think it is wonderful!

I know so many women with lasting consequences (pain, incontinence, etc) from childbirth that I find the idea that pregnancy is "only for 9 months" pretty hilarious tbh. It's shit that some men suffer afterwards but that is far from exclusive to men.

I've had two hellish pregnancies (number 2 is still finishing the cooking process) with hyperemesis, horrendous SPD and what will be two sections. DH is having the snip afterwards as there is no way I am risking pregnancy again. He has no issue with this.

Is it harder then simply taking the bloody morning after pill if you dont want a baby?

It can fail, you know

Now let's see some stats about long-lasting complications from childbirth and compare them with vasectomy.

We have indeed dance this dance before, and I respect you for your stance. But its generally worth going around again.

Yes, we definitely need to ensure that women question the inherent selfishness of any partner who would opt out of this procedure, and leave it all to her.

If there's any danger of women not questioning this - and demanding a certain level of reciprocity - we absolutely need to be highlighting that.

Still waiting for my DP to get a vasectomy. I've had 3 DC, an MC, have breastfed for a total of over 4 years and was on the pill, which was awful for my mental health, for a decade. I try not to resent him but to be honest I do.

He should do it. My OH wouldn't (years ago now), I didn't want to continue the pill because of awful bloating, didn't want coil or really anything. After two children, one natural childbirth and one caesarean, I felt I'd done my part.

His refusal and dislike of condoms led to bad sex because of my anxiety that he'd ejaculate before withdrawal, this led to me avoiding sex and now we don't have a sex life at all. There were other contributing factors but, looking back, it was that lack of intimacy and his resentment at that avoidance that caused a lot of subsequent issues.

@ladybirdsaredotty
Are you having sex with him?

*salavart nope, not since I was still pregnant with DC3. It's been over a year now

(Bold fail, sorry)

I wonder if the number of men willing to have it (in a relationship or not) would go up if paying child maintanance was enforceable by law like it is in the US